Seasons change...6:39 PM
...And it's so hard for me to let go.
I have learned that a true friend will stick by you thru the dark times and not just the happy times. But I also know that I cannot expect people to be like me and treat me as I treat them because in the end, that's me and there is only one me. But I always fall into this trap of expecting too much from people because I expect what I give back. This is not a perfect world so I need to accept that that isn't happening.
Sometimes when people have their own problems, they just don't want to be bothered with yours. Sad but true. But the few gems who hang in there, they are keepers.
I also learned that sometimes the people you least expect to be the ones not there usually are. Again, sad but true. Seasons change and sometimes those changes lead to that season ending. The vice versa also happens. I have had people become great friends who I would have never thought I would have any sort of relationship with. It just goes to show you how unpredictable life can be.
I am trying to go with the flow because honestly, all of these changes are really throwing for a loop. It's as if God is really taking me out of my comfort zone and shaking my life up. This is what I get for taking life for granted. That ended when my dad died and let me tell you, not a day goes by that I take for granted anymore. I have seen friends who I thought would be in my circle for life just walk away.
I have a friend who recently just stopped calling, deactivated her Facebook and dropped off the face of the Earth. After my dad died 7 months ago, she came by to see me but after that, the calls became less and less until she went MIA. I recently saw her while shopping at CVS and she looked shocked to see me. We talked briefly and she asked for my number again, saying she got a new phone and all her numbers were erased. Well, after that day 3 weeks ago, we exchanged texts twice, one of those times being the day before Thanksgiving. The last 2 Thanksgivings I had spent at her house where she hosted dinner for her family and friends. So this year, I thought of her, not because I wanted an invite since I had other plans but because this day had become sort of a tradition in my life that included her. So I texted her, wished her a Happy Thanksgiving and asked how she was. Well, she told me via text that she was not hosting this year, going to someone else's house and wished me a great holiday. Later on, I felt like maybe she thought I had only texted her to get an invite to her house, which was not the case. But I was left feeling like she had no interest in being my friend anymore and that I needed to let it go. You can't hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held.
I am proud of myself because I did major cleaning in my life this year...I cut off many people, including family members. Just because you can't choose who your family is does not mean you can't choose whether or not you have them in your life. For example, my father's sister and mother are still alive. My grandmother is the only living grandparent I have alive. Sadly, we don't speak. I hadn't spoken to my grandma in years until she called me after my dad died. Even then, they did not come to his funeral, even though they live about 15 mins away. I'll discuss this relationship in another post. But before you judge, know this, I made the choice to not have them in my life because I could not be emotionally, mentally hurt anymore. Again, this is for another time, another post.
I guess what I am trying to say is that seasons change and I realized that I am not good at letting go. I tend to hold on and give people second/third/fourth chances before I realize that I need to let them go. Which is why I think God is shaking my life up like a snowglobe and letting the flakes fall where they may. Some have fallen in their usual place and some have not. The biggest lesson I have learned through all this is that you can only take it one day at a time and do the best you can during that moment. So in this moment, I am letting go and having an open mind to whatever life brings.