This is for you, Daddy

For the last 2 weeks, I have been hearing this song sporadically and it has such an effect on me where I start to think of how my dad is gone and start sobbing. Truly heart-wrenching. I didn't know the name or the meaning behind the song. All I know is it makes me cry and think of my dad.

So yesterday it comes on again and I catch the title and artist and decide to look it up. It's called The Living Years by Mike and The Mechanics. I was shocked to learn that the lyrics are about the singer talking to his father, saying that he wishes he could have said some things to him while he was alive and how he regrets not seeing him before he died. So now he knows not to take anyone for granted while they are living - in other words, GUILT.

And that has been my main problem...letting go of the guilt and forgiving myself for so many things. The petty disagreements, me taking him for granted... I'll blog more about it later when I am ready. I just think this is my dad's way of telling me to forgive myself. He will not be ignored, lol. He was never one for subtlety. I love you, Daddy. It'll be 8 months on the 10th...



Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts

So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye