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I read something on Facebook yesterday that had me giving my PC screen the side eye. I went back today to copy the status word for word but it is now gone. So I am thinking I was not the only one feeling some kind of way about his post, lol.
This guy, who is an author who is building his career on writing relationship/self-help books geared mainly towards women, wrote something about women who say they are single by choice. He wrote that being single by choice is not possible because why would anyone choose to be single. He said we are single by chance and the status just read to me as if he were saying that women were to blame for not meeting the right guy yet and that we needed to work on ourselves and etc.
Being a single chick BY CHOICE, I was speechless. I didn't comment on the status because I learned a long time ago that everyone has an opinion and is entitled to it. You can't control what someone else thinks. You can only control how you let that opinion affect you. But that status compelled me to write about it since I am a single woman, again, BY CHOICE.
Let me just say first, that this guy is a great writer and many things he does say are valid and inspiring. He's a very spiritual and intelligent guy. I even own his book. But I have to disagree with him on this one.
Now, it's true, why would anyone choose to be alone when honestly, most of us do want love in our lives. I know I do. But...When I say I am single by choice, what I am saying is that I choose to not just be with anyone. I choose to be with someone that I think is worthy of me and vice versa. To me, being single by choice means knowing your self-worth and not settling for just anything or anyone that comes along. When you settle for any old thing, that is what you will attract and get. I believe when you know your self-worth, are doing your thing and living your life for YOU and not someone else, you will attract someone who will appreciate who you are and not treat you like crap.
We always have a choice. When my ex-boyfriend, who, in my opinion, is a bully and control freak contacts me (which he does every 3-6 months), I hit delete. His number is no longer stored on my phone but he still calls and texts every so often. I just choose to not speak to him. We all have that ex in the past that we allowed into our lives. There is nothing wrong with that. But, we cannot let that person affect how we treat the next person who comes into our lives. We also can choose who we let into our lives. Our pasts don't define the choices we make today. Right in this moment.
Do I like being single? No. I want love in my life. I want to get married one day and have children.
Do I let my single status stop me from being happy? No. Life will go on regardless and time is valuable. So I am going to spend my moments doing happy things and enjoying my life, whether I am single or not.
Am I single by choice? Yes. And when that imperfect man who is perfect for me shows up in my life, I will then choose to not be single.
It's as simple as that. And there is nothing wrong with that.
One of my best friends currently made the choice to remain single for a year to find herself and live life as a single woman on her own. To me, making a choice like that is HUGE and commendable. Because you are being accountable for you and making that conscious choice to better yourself so that when that right person for you comes along, you are ready to open your heart and let love in.
So single by chance? I don't think so. I choose to be single right now, in this moment. But the beauty of having free will and making choices is that you can always change your mind according to the present situation. So, who knows? I may choose to not be single three months from now. Life is unpredictable like that. :)
It has been said that in order for good things to come into your life, you should focus on being the best person you can be. What you put out into the universe will come back to you. It's that law of attraction theory. I do believe in that but I also believe that in order for you to work on being the best person you can be, you have to do it for YOU first and not for the things you want to come into your life. They will come anyway but it really hinges on how you receive those things. If you're not ready, you won't receive them at all and miss what could be a great opportunity.
Happy moment in Canada, eating poutine |
I believe my destiny is pre-determined and I am here in this world for a reason. BUT...because of free will and the high probability that any of us can make a poor choice (hey, it happens), our journey changes and doesn't always go the way we thought it would.
What counts is having fun while on that journey. Life is a bunch of moments. We don't know how many moments we have so we have to enjoy the ones that come along as they come. Age doesn't determine where you are in your life. Your choices do. How you choose to live your life is the foundation of all choices you will make in your life. If you choose to live your life striving for happy moments and being at peace with things beyond your control, you will make choices in your life that will benefit that life, including who you allow in your life, how you feel about things and how you look at the world.
Happy moment in Paris |
My dad's sudden death redefined my
life for me because it forced me to see that life is not as guaranteed as I thought it was. It reminded me that I should not be taking life for granted.
Time is valuable, life is short. Use it wisely. Those are my dad's words and I feel like lately, I can hear him whispering those words in my ear more frequently.
My life is not perfect but I am happy. I'm happy because I'm enlightened. And my journey has changed as a result of that enlightenment. There's nothing wrong with focusing on yourself. Because that will make you a better person, friend, daughter/son, child, partner, significant other, everything. Be kind to yourself and you will be kind to others.
Never forget to always put YOU first. Your life will thank you for it and it will be the best life you could have ever lived because you truly lived and enjoyed every moment.
I absolutely love this quote from Bill Blass and always think of it when I pull a piece of red clothing to wear from my closet:
Red is one of my favorite colors and a color I happen to look fantastic in. So any chance I get, I channel my inner Lady in Red. It's something about red that gives me a fearless attitude and that extra confidence that sometimes is needed when things aren't going right. Red makes me feel bolder. It's like I have an alter ego when I wear red. I guess we can call her Audrey, lol. I usually feel like this when wearing red:
"When in doubt, wear red."
Red is one of my favorite colors and a color I happen to look fantastic in. So any chance I get, I channel my inner Lady in Red. It's something about red that gives me a fearless attitude and that extra confidence that sometimes is needed when things aren't going right. Red makes me feel bolder. It's like I have an alter ego when I wear red. I guess we can call her Audrey, lol. I usually feel like this when wearing red:
Audrey was not lying when she said there is a shade of red for every woman. And that red will have you in your own "Audrey in Funny Face" moment. I love how red makes you stand out in a room and gets you noticed. My inner Lady in Red is the epitome of fearless fashion in my life. Even as a child, I was channeling my inner Lady in Red, hand on hip and all.
For years, without even knowing it, I have been playing around with adding hints of red to my wardrobe and not just wearing a red dress once in a while. I guess subconsciously I am saying that I wanted to channel my inner Lady in Red, my alter ego, on a regular basis. We should feel bold and strive for fearless moments daily. And for me, fashion plays a big part of that. I started slowly with a classic red blazer, some red flats and shoot, even a red graphic tee. My love for Hello Kitty knows no bounds and I don't care if I'm above the age of 25 wearing an HK tee. Life is all about breaking those silly fashion rules.
Lately, I have been in a slump. I think it's mostly due to the winter season and the fact that NYC has been getting major snow and super cold temps this season. So I decided that this month, I would show myself some extra love and take myself out on some dates. It is the month of love and since I am single, I have to date myself for now. There's nothing wrong with that!
So here's some outfits I plan to rock while out on my ME dates this month...of course, I must channel my inner Lady in Red in time for Valentine's Day.
Outfit #1: Cable Sweater Dress from Jessica London. You can buy it here. Color is red ochre and I am wearing a size 26/28. I love how it fits. I will say that if you get hot and flustered fast like I do, this dress is heavy and very warm. It's appropriate for very cold weather and paired with my OneStopPlus boots and Torrid wide belt, it's a great stylish winter option to channeling my inner Lady in Red. The belt is sold out but you can buy a similar one here. My tights are actually footless pant liner shapewear from Avenue that I have had for years. So it acts as tights and shapewear. A win-win! I like to wear socks with my boots so this works for me.
Outfit #2: You may have seen this ASOS Curve dress on various plus size fashion blogs out there. I usually don't buy a piece that has been worn to death by many but I love animal print and the color red PLUS it was on sale for $27 plus an extra 20% off and free shipping, so I couldn't resist. It's a swing dress, which is not my fave silhouette for my body so I belted it with the same Torrid belt as in Outfit #1 to give it some definition and show off my waist. Same OSP boots and tights. I'm 5'7" and it hits me above the knee. I am wearing a size 22 but could have sized down to a 20. However, the upper arms fit perfect so I don't know if the 20 would have allowed my upper arms to feel comfortable. You can buy this dress here.
Outfit #3: This outfit to me is rocker chic. The dress is from Eshakti and is a stretch kind of poly crepe material with a faux leather stripe down the middle and exposed zipper. I LOVE EXPOSED ZIPPERS! I ordered a size 28 standard size but with eShakti, you can also customize your dress to your exact measurements for an additional $7.50. The faux leather jacket is from Evans and I LOVE IT. I am wearing a 26/28 and the arms fit great. It looks very luxe...some people have told me it looks like real leather! The dress is currently out of stock but eShakti is good at restocking an item if there is a great demand for it. You can sign up to get an email when it is back in stock here. You can buy the jacket here.
As you can see, I shop on a budget so I always try to pick transitional pieces I can wear season to season as well as wearing pieces in different outfits. The sweater dress is the only piece above that I can't wear year-round. But that's okay because a classic sweater dress is a staple in your closet that you can have for many years and it will never go out of style. My boots are my go-to right now and you can never have enough belts, wide and skinny. For years, I shied away from wearing belts because of that fashion rule that big girls can't wear belts. It's empowering to not only break a fashion rule but look good while doing it.
I hope you will be inspired to channel your inner Lady in Red. Go for it this month! You always have a choice in how you spend your moments. Why not spend them looking fierce and feeling confident?
Ahead
of The Curve is
a collective of plus size bloggers coming together to post on the same topic
monthly. This month, we each sharing our take on the theme of "Red
Hot" so check them out by clicking on each link:
Fatshion Peepshow: Nuclear Red Hot Hair
Color me Fatt: My "Red Hot" Moment
The Fat Girl: Feeling the Love in Igigi Polka Dots
It’s Melicious: Red, The Color of Love
Plump Up the Frock: Red Hot Remake: Too-Tight Dress To Peplum Top
Young & Thrifted: Rouge Blouse
Harper Valley TV: "Red Hot" Valentine's Day Look
Curvy is Beautiful by Mary Demetra: Red Hot Luxe: My Top Sexy, Fabulous, Gorgeous Valentine's Day Picks for the Plus Size Princess
Banner: Elizabeth Tamny
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