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Pretty much all the honest truth-telling there is in the world is done by children. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
With everything going on in the world at the moment surrounding the Coronavirus pandemic, social distancing has forced many people to reflect, me included.With Women's History Month and International Women's Day both happening this month, March is always a time that I reflect on the women in my life who have inspired me to be a better person. And being home, practicing social distancing has me in double reflection mode.
I'll be totally transparent and admit that I have been practicing social distancing for a while now, since my niece died over a year ago.
As many of you know, my oldest niece Teá passed away in August 2018 at the age of 18. And she was my biggest cheerleader. She loved fashion and wanted to be a fashion designer.
When you lose a child in your life, it hits deeper than other losses. Losing my dad and brother were different. Still painful but different. Losing a child forces you to truly see life can end at any time. And for me, it was so much easier to retreat into my cave and not engage with others as I tried to figure out how to deal with the tragic loss.
Fashion and style has always been one of the major driving forces in my relationship with my nieces. Those two things helped all of us build confidence, connect and honestly, feel happy.
My nieces inspire me on so many levels because they have made me into the woman I am today. When I look at them, I see my reflection and that reminds me to keep pushing through.
I'm better because of them. They have taught me patience and compassion. They have reminded me of my beauty and greatness. They encourage me to keep my confidence consistent. They also remind me to be present and live fully in the moment.
Basically, my nieces, my "little women", are an important part of my life. They are like my lifeline.
They are the ones who encourage me to be different and celebrate who I am.
My late niece especially. She was all about creating her own trends and not being a slave to what the industry offered. She wore what she loved and boy, did she love fashion!
When my nieces were babies, I worried so much about them and always tried to lead by example but it hasn't always been easy, especially being on a journey of my own.
This journey included me finding out who I was, learning to love myself unconditionally and in turn, being who I was 100% through my style.
Fear had always been the deciding factor when I wanted to wear something bold that was so me. Fear of what others would say or think.
And my nieces see me in a different light than I do. So seeing myself through their eyes was so imperative to me during my journey because it showed me that I was my own biggest critic.
While there were times in my life where I just wanted to blend in with the background and not have a spotlight on me because of that fear of how others would look at me, my nieces always reminded me that I should embrace my uniqueness and own my space. That the only opinion that should matter is the one I have for myself.
They instilled in me the importance of the story I tell myself and how important it is to create a narrative that will uplift me and not bring me down.
Part of my uniqueness is my love for sneakers, especially adidas. I have been known to incorporate sneakers into my looks, even wearing sneakers with a gown on the red carpet.
Growing up in the 80's, the Run-DMC song "My adidas" became my "Rocky" anthem. To this day, when I hear that song and I'm wearing adidas, I walk taller with my head up high, with a pep in my step. I forget I'm a fat girl. I'm just me, rocking my style and my adidas.
Being plus size, not every store carries my size, so to be able to shop for sneakers and not worry about my size not being offered is MAJOR. I feel included, especially since I'm a shoe size 9, which is considered average.
What I love the most about adidas is how they celebrate women. This year for Women's History Month / International Women's Day, they are partnering with iFundWomen to support women entrepreneurs in sport. They want to create opportunity and visibility for women in the sport industry through access to funding and expert coaching. You can find out more here.
Sneakers have been part of my DNA since I was a kid and to be able to feel like everyone else and wear the same things as everyone else gives me peace in a world where I constantly stand out, sometimes for the wrong reasons.
I just want to exist, live my life to its fullest with lots of laughs and fun with my little women. But the world isn't that kind at times, with some expressing their opinions about me existing in a fat body.
I did not set out to be an activist but living in a fat body makes me one every time I choose to walk out the door and into the world.
My nieces remind me that while there are some who will react negatively to my existence, the majority of the world sees me as someone who inspires them to own their space.
They also remind me the importance of my work of encouraging my audience to celebrate who they are and step into the power of their personal style no matter what size or age they are.
I think about Teá every time I get dressed. Even after her death, she continues to take every step with me in this journey to living the best life possible.
I'm so thankful for the little women in my life for just being in it.
Suvana turns 18 this year in May and will be able to vote for the first time. She is a gifted artist who loves to wear all black, has a collection of combat boots and watches Steven Universe.
Angel will be 14 in June, a few days after the six-year anniversary of the death of her dad. But that child has so much light and color that I know she will make him proud. Her Tik Tok videos kill me every time.
Ashley will be 2 in May and is already showing that she has a stand out personality and is so independent. She loves to try on my adidas and walk around in them. Serenity is three weeks old and I cannot wait to see the woman that she becomes.
Man, these kids make me want to do incredible things so they in turn will want to do the same. Plus, I want to always be the cool Auntie, lol. The next generation looks so bright and I hope I live long enough to see all them blossom into their ultimate greatness.
At the end of the day, they remind me daily that we all have a story. Let's make sure it's a story worth living.
Here's some links to check out while you're home!
My favorite collection from adidas - Superstar! CLICK HERE
My newest pair of kicks - trying out the Advantage style CLICK HERE
The tee I'm wearing - it's a men's tee (wearing a size 3X)! CLICK HERE
And the next 2 pairs I am eyeing:
Superstar kicks in a snake print - YES!!!
Superstar kicks in a heart print - OMGOSH!!!
**This blog post was sponsored by adidas but all opinions and statements are my own.
"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go. They merely determine where you start." ~ Nido Qubein
New year for me means truly looking at my closet and planning ahead on what I will add and remove. I used to be that girl who bought on impulse if something was on sale. And while it felt good to score a top for $3, I maybe wore it twice and then threw it back in the closet.This was my way of thinking from a poor person's perspective. When you don't have much money and tons of responsibility, you tend to lose your worth in the process because everything comes before you.
BUT... I have learned that it's not only okay to invest in yourself via your clothing but also, even if you don't have a ton of money, there's always a way to score some quality-made clothing that does not have a low price tag.
Also, I just got tired of having tons of clothing I never wore simply because I bought them at a low price. To me, that made no sense. I'm more mindful of my space and want less clutter. I want my money well spent. And I want to make sure I wear everything I own multiple times and truly love what I am wearing. A low price point should not solely direct my fashion buy choices.
One of the things I started to do was shop secondhand. While shopping for plus size clothing secondhand is not always easy, especially if you're over a size 24, if you do the research, it is possible. Sometimes you'll find that unicorn at Goodwill but there's places now dedicated to plus size consignment.
At Plus BKLYN |
When I travel, I also seek out consignment places to shop as I'm in New York City, which surprisingly is not a plus size shopping mecca. To be honest, I find more clothing outside of NYC. You'd be surprised at what you find when you look.
In LA, I love visiting the Plus Bus, where I can buy and sell my clothing. They also host body positive events and you never know who you will run into, while there. While in San Francisco, my friend Tigress took me to Out of The Closet, where their plus size section was actually decent! I racked up on some much-needed quality sleepwear separates where they were like $3 a piece.
Me with Troy of A Bear Named Troy at The Plus Bus |
In Portland, I shopped at the Curvy Chic Closet bi-annual event, where I got so many amazing things including new with tags stuff from Eloquii, under $10! Their next event is May 7-10, 2020 and I will definitely be there.
Also in Portland is Fat Fancy, a consignment store dedicated to plus sizes for both men and women. If you're looking for funky pieces, they got you! I saw a green sequin purse there that I still regret on buying. I also found many Torrid pieces there, as well as Chubby Cartwheels and other indie brands.
At Fat Fancy - I should have bought that purse! |
Outside of Chicago in Rockford, IL is Secondhand Curves, which is one of my favorite places to shop. Low prices, great finds and extra large dressing rooms. They also have an annual event called Secondhand Curves Con every fall, which includes a fashion show and keynote speakers.
Me with Secondhand Curves owner Rachel Cadie |
I have never been to Cake Plus Size Resale in Minneapolis but it's on my bucket list.
Then when I come back home, I love stopping by Plus BKLYN to see what I can find. They carry plus size vintage too, which is a definite plus. I'm still on the hunt for anything from Beth Ditto, especially her collection with Evans a decade ago. And I am confident I will find it at Plus BKLYN one day!
Plus BKLYN |
At BHCC, nothing is over $40 so you can rack up and not feel guilty. They have 2-3 sales weekly on Facebook and also an FB group where they hold flash sales and members sell items that may not have fit.
They also just introduced their +style boxes where you can get a box full of 3-5 items for one low flat price. All boxes have items per size so yes, there were style boxes for my size 26/28/30 ladies!
See, shopping consignment as a plus size woman over a size 24 is possible.
Next up on the blog this week, I will talk more on how I have been shopping at a higher price point while on a budget. It's all about investing in yourself and not just treating yourself. Those treats are for the immediate moment but investment is for a lifetime.
I believe in living in the NOW but I want to look good while doing so. A $5 Starbucks coffee a few times a week versus a dope moto jacket? I think I will take the jacket, thankyouverymuch!
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