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Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
"Art isn’t something you need an outside license or a paycheck to pursue. It’s a way of life. It’s a way of adding up what you feel and where you’ve been and what you fear and what you can imagine. It’s a way of seeing your life through a lens that makes everything — good and bad, confusing and clarifying, uplifting and depressing — valuable." - Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly 11/28/18
I stumbled upon the Ask Polly column on The Cut.com a few months ago while sick with the flu and to say it blew my mind is an understatement.
The author Heather Havrilesky answers letters weekly under the name Polly and honestly, some of the topics she tackles are deep and thought-provoking.
In the column titled ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’, she advises 'Haunted', who has written in about how disappointed she is in her life, haunted by the things she had set out to accomplish in life but at the age of 35, feels she has accomplished nothing.
Haunted has moved many times to different cities, traveled, had relationships and jobs. She is currently unhappy with her current job and is at a point where she is tired. She has tons of debt, no friends, single and no children. And the kicker? She's a writer.
I said out loud to myself, "Am I reading something from myself?"
I used to be Haunted, literally and figuratively. In the past, I have said many times how I felt like I have not accomplished what I set out to do in my life. I'm now in my late 40's and never married or had children. I've always felt like I should have done so much at this point of my life. I was haunted by what I didn't do because it made me feel inadequate and at times, worthless.
But this is something that many of us feel. We base our timeline on our age.
We're told that by a certain age, we should have X amount of things done. We should be married. We should have children. We should go to college and/or be set in our careers by a certain age. I could go on. But guess what? Life almost never goes as planned.
"Shame is the opposite of art. When you live inside of your shame, everything you see is inadequate and embarrassing. A lifetime of traveling and having adventures and not being tethered to long-term commitments looks empty and pathetic and foolish, through the lens of shame. You haven’t found a partner. Your face is aging. Your body will only grow weaker. Your mind is less elastic. Your time is running out. Shame turns every emotion into the manifestation of some personality flaw, every casual choice into a giant mistake, every small blunder into a moral failure. Shame means that you’re damned and you’ve accomplished nothing and it’s all downhill from here."When I read that, I was completely mind-blown.
Shame. These feelings I have, they have a name. I never thought of how I was feeling as shame but it is. One of the mantras I live by is change your mindset, change your life. And the difference between living inside your shame versus looking at your shame with an open mind and heart is that you look at life through a different lens, which then determines how you live that life.
Polly goes on to tell Haunted how she can create a new life for herself by simply looking at her shame differently. By not being afraid to accept that while life is not perfect, it can still be wonderful.
"You need to discard some of this shame you’re carrying around all the time. But even if you can’t cast off your shame that quickly, through the lens of art, shame becomes valuable. When you’re curious about your shame instead of afraid of it, you can see the true texture of the day and the richness of the moment, with all of its flaws. You can run your hands along your own self-defeating edges until you get a splinter, and you can pull the splinter out and stare at it and consider it. When you face your shame with an open heart, you’re on a path to art, on a path to finding joy and misery and fear and hope in the folds of your day. Even as your job is slow and dull and pointless, even as your afternoons alone feel treacherous and daunting, you can train your eyes on the low-hanging clouds until a tiny bit of sunlight filters through. You are alive and you will probably be alive for many decades to come. The numbers on your credit-card statements can feel harrowing, but you can take that feeling and keep it company instead of letting it eat you alive. You can walk to the corner store to buy a newspaper and pull out the weekend calendar section and circle something, and make a commitment to do that one thing. You can build a new kind of existence, one that feels small and flawed and honest, but each day you accumulate a kind of treasure that doesn’t disappear. Because instead of running away from the truth, you welcome it in. You don’t treat what you have as pointless. You work with what you have."Havrilesky does an incredible job of issuing advice while being transparent on how she identifies with the person's feelings, including admitting her own flaws. This makes her a real person and not just someone writing a column for a major website who also has a book out. Everyone, even someone like Oprah, has their struggles.
We always tend to look at the end result instead of the journey, when looking at people. So it's easy to compare our lives to theirs and feel some kind of way about their success in comparison to ours.
"When you carry around a suspicion that there’s something sort of embarrassing or pathetic about you, you find ways to project that shame onto completely innocuous things. You find ways to tell yourself that everyone is laughing at you behind your back somewhere, possibly at a party where they are serving beautiful tasty drinks but you weren’t invited. You’re too old now. You’re no longer exciting or important. You don’t matter. You never really did. Shame creates imaginary worlds inside your head. This haunted house you’re creating is forged from your shame. No one else can see it, so you keep trying to describe it to them. You find ways to say, “You don’t want any part of this mess. I’m mediocre, aging rapidly, and poor. Do yourself a favor and leave me behind.” You want to be left behind, though. That way, no one bears witness to what you’ve become. It’s time to come out of hiding. It’s time to step into the light and be seen, shame and wrinkles and failures and fears and all."That last line! I'm done!
This year, my mission is to step into my power. I want to show up more for myself and others. I want to put myself out there more with positive intentions. I want to walk in a room with a positive attitude and be open to what awaits.
Does it scare the shit out of me? Hell yes. But if I am to live out this life of mine as fully as I can, I have to let go of my shame, my past (including past negative stories I told myself) and being afraid of the unknown.
This year has already kicked off amazingly and I keep thinking of my niece. She now watches over me, along with my dad and brother. And I can hear her voice in my ear, saying "Auntie, you got this!"
Typing that out makes the tears flow because she's only been gone 7 months. But as I learned when I lost my dad and then my brother, time does not stand still. Grief is painful but in order to live and keep moving, I have to learn how to carry that pain with me and channel it into something positive.
Honoring their legacy and continuing her work is what drives me. I'm going to be 50 next year but you know what? It's never too late to do whatever is on my life's to-do list. Gray hairs, pre-menopause and all. No wrinkles yet but I am not complaining! LOL!
Here's to living my best life and you living yours at any age. xoxo
"Traveling. It leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller." ~ Ibn Battuta
Right after Thanksgiving, I got a text from someone offering me a wonderful opportunity that I knew was a sign that amazing things are coming. YEAH!
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| Photography: Jessica Milagros / Jacket: Torrid |
That someone was Melina Alarcon, designer and owner of Generose, a new plus size women's clothing line, designed by her and manufactured in her home country of Mexico.
I met Melina at Full Figured Fashion Week in June 2017 where she showed her collection at the event's finale runway showcase. I remember sitting front row with Maddy Jones, Editor-in-Chief of Plus Model Magazine, and constantly turning to her and ooooohing and ahhhhing as each look hit the runway.
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| Generose on the runway at FFF Week 2017 |
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| Me with Maddy Jones (center) and Sarah Chiwaya of the blog Curvily Fashion |
See, Melina had a dream to be able to offer stylish and high-quality clothing to plus size women, particularly over a size 22. In Mexico, plus size fashion is not very accessible and most plus size women in Mexico shop online or travel into the US to shop. There are no plus size stores to shop in and there's not even a big plus size fashion presence there. Melina wants to change that.
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| Melina Alarcon |
As a Latina and a woman over a size 22, I felt her passion and believed in it. I believe no woman should be deprived of fashion and accessible clothing in her size. Your weight or size should have nothing to do with you dressing well. Fashion can help you build your confidence and self love and then that, in turn, will inspire you to live your best life.
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| One of Melina's sketches for Generose |
Melina and I spent some time in Atlanta last summer at the TCF Style Expo, which she invited me to attend with her as her guest. It really gave us the opportunity to get to know each other and also for me to try on some of her dresses!
I loved her idea of including an inner corset so you have all the support you need to the point where you don't even have to wear a bra! The way she designs her dresses are smart and meant to celebrate your curves. Yup, not wearing a bra in the above images and I'm an F cup.
Fast forward to last month and that text...
Melina asked if I would come to Mexico City and be her size 28 fit model, as well as offer any fit input and ideas. WOW! This was a major opportunity I could not turn down so of course, I said yes! You rarely see fit models my size used so this was something I could not pass up.
So off to Mexico City I went! I was only there two days and I was exhausted the entire time from the high altitude that caused me to have a headache and aggravated my sinuses. But I did not let that stop me from enjoying this experience to the fullest and being present for it. When you are working as a model in any capacity, there is no space for complaining, slacking or a bad attitude. You'd be surprised at how fast word travels when a model is unprofessional while on a job. Plus, I was so humbled at the opportunity that I could have been on crutches and I still would have done it.
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| Molletes con Tecino AKA Spanish bread with frijoles, toasted with cheese and bacon - YUM! |
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| Size 16 fit model |
I went in with the mindset that I was not only offering feedback from my point of view but also other women who may not have the same body shape as mine. I'm a cross between an hourglass and pear, not quite either one. And I have large upper arms and large calves. However, I do know women my size who have smaller arms than I or larger hips or who carry their weight in the belly or on top. I feel ALL these women have to be represented and while it's tough to design ready-to-wear clothing to fit all shapes and sizes, it can be done.
I have a long torso and short legs despite being 5'7" so I need a shorter inseam even though I am not considered petite. But there are those of us with the opposite situation too! And let's not forget the tall girls either. So this was a great opportunity to not only educate others on plus size bodies but also showing them that when it fits well, it looks amazing!
I left Mexico City feeling so excited as to what's to come. Melina said I would be back for more fittings and who knows after that? This is why I always tell others that it pays to be nice to people, network and be authentic. Always remain humble and know that no one owes you a thing. I don't care if you have 1 million followers on social media or the most perfect images in the world, you are not entitled to anything. You have to chase your own dreams, be willing to work hard and be true to yourself.
Never compare your journey to someone else's. If someone else received any opportunity that you wanted, that just means it was not meant for you. And that's okay because there are other amazing things out there meant just for you.
For me, I'm realizing I'm more passionate about making my voice in this industry from a fit perspective. We all have our part in advancing plus size fashion and I feel like this is what I am meant to be doing. This has been something that I have been involved in for years but I was so focused on doing other things and watching what others were doing that I couldn't see it. Now I do.
When you realize your purpose, the sky's the limit. You just gotta keep it real with yourself. And be open to the possibilities.
Mexico City was magical. It was filled with street art, vintage cars, the hustle and bustle of a city on the move as well as friendly folks. Not to mention it's so cheap for us because the US dollar is strong there. Great food, so many great sights to see and just overall, an unforgettable city.
Stay tuned to the blog next week for more on my trip, including my experience flying with Interjet and my review of a piece from Melina's Spring 2018 RTW line for Generose.
You can check out more of Generose on Instagram here.
What do you want to see in plus size fashion (in terms of styles and pieces), especially for women over a size 22? I would love to know so hit me up in the comments below!
"Oh, when I look back now / That summer seemed to last forever / And if I had the choice / Yeah, I'd always wanna be there / Those were the best days of my life." ~ Summer of 69, Bryan Adams
I started 2017 with blue hair and a mission to keep the momentum from 2016 up. And 2017 did not disappoint!
I kicked off the year with a Lane Bryant collaboration with the IG Wives to introduce their new Allie pant in a body diverse social media campaign. I was also featured by Avenue in their Blogger's Closet section for February. AND... BodyPositivity.com named me one of the 11 Bloggers Inspiring The Body Positive Movement.
Meanwhile, I started my second year with Gwynnie Bee where my work as a First Fit Model and Reviewer continued. Customers continue to love my reviews and I am humbled at how I have inspired women to try new styles and wear better fitting clothing.
I was also featured in Society Plus's 7 Days of Midi Love campaign in February and I was so happy to be able to have the opportunity to style their midi skirt my way and stay true to myself and my style. It's so important to show diversity, not only in bodies, but in style, too.
In February, I also launched my second lookbook sponsored by Igigi, featuring bloggers and influencers spanning sizes 14 to 32, including two big and tall males as well as petite and tall women. The Lookbook Project will continue in 2018 because I think it's a great visual way to show diversity in not only bodies but race, gender and style.
My hair became mermaid green in time for my travels to Los Angeles, San Francisco and San Jose in late April/early May, where I did some amazing things like a closet sale at The Plus Bus, a tour of Making It Big's headquarters, attending a book signing for Jessamyn Stanley, attending the Torrid Pool Party, getting fitted for bras at Curvy Couture, speaking for the first time at Curvy Girl Lingerie about fashion above a size 24 and shooting a body diverse fashion campaign for SWAK Designs where I got to channel my inner Super Heroine.
I also visited designers Melissa Masse and Jill Alexander, who have become dear friends of mine over the years. I finally got to meet celebrity stylist Malia Anderson! And let's not forget, I wore a two-piece bathing suit on the beach for the first time in decades.
My hair became mermaid green in time for my travels to Los Angeles, San Francisco and San Jose in late April/early May, where I did some amazing things like a closet sale at The Plus Bus, a tour of Making It Big's headquarters, attending a book signing for Jessamyn Stanley, attending the Torrid Pool Party, getting fitted for bras at Curvy Couture, speaking for the first time at Curvy Girl Lingerie about fashion above a size 24 and shooting a body diverse fashion campaign for SWAK Designs where I got to channel my inner Super Heroine.
I also visited designers Melissa Masse and Jill Alexander, who have become dear friends of mine over the years. I finally got to meet celebrity stylist Malia Anderson! And let's not forget, I wore a two-piece bathing suit on the beach for the first time in decades.
The LA portion of my trip was so special because I got to experience it with my friend and little sis Alysse of the blog Ready to Stare. We created a bond that will last a lifetime. It's amazing to me how you make friends with people along your journey who add so much color and happiness to your life. She inspires me on so many levels including not being afraid to truly be me with no apologies.
We ate black ice cream, went to see the Elote Man for some deliciousness, stayed in a hella cool Air BnB, dealt with LA traffic and ate authentic Mexican food at 11pm at night. And... took some amazing pictures along the way.
We ate black ice cream, went to see the Elote Man for some deliciousness, stayed in a hella cool Air BnB, dealt with LA traffic and ate authentic Mexican food at 11pm at night. And... took some amazing pictures along the way.
At this point, the mermaid hair and I were gearing up for summer, which was all about events and my first Facebook Live with Dia & Co! I was nervous but their followers really loved me and it has motivated me to do more Live sessions in 2018. Full Figured Fashion Week was amazing as usual and in July, I headed to Atlanta to attend the TCF Style Expo for the first time.
At FFF Week, I met a woman who will forever change my life. Melina Alarcon, the Mexican designer behind Generose, is one of the best people I have ever met. She showed her collection at FFF Week and we connected shortly thereafter where she invited me to go to the TCF Style Expo with her. Since then, that relationship has not only blossomed into a partnership where she is using me as her size 28 fit model but also a friendship. I would not have gone to Altanta if it weren't for her. Everything happens for a reason. Stay tuned to the blog for more on this new partnership of mine and how it is going to evolve in 2018.
After TCF, I celebrated my 47th birthday with an all girls staycation that involved my first trip to a spa and an awesome feminist-geared tour at the MET. At this point, my hair was pink and it mirrored my mood... happy, fun and girly.
I went to Torrid's after party, Additionelle's store event where I met Jordyn Woods and I also co-hosted an event with All67 at the Gregory Hotel. NYFW and Curvy Con was a whirlwind that left me so empowered and happy.
During this time, I also shot my first non-fashion campaign with Big Fig Mattress. This was major for me! I also loved that I got to shoot with my blogger brother Kavah King of Gentlemen's Curb, which helped me feel more at ease on set.
The latter part of the year had me visiting Chicago where I spoke in my first breakout session at the Dream Big Curvy Girl Beauty and Fashion Conference. It was the first time I spoke about my mental health and how I built my confidence which enables me to live my best life. Mental health is such a taboo topic to speak about and I feel like it should be talked about more. That's one of my goals moving forward into 2018.
I met so many incredible women in Chicago and I just love that city where I now consider it my second home. I cried A LOT during my time there but it was tears of joy and empathy. Women came up to me, telling me how I inspire them to live their best lives and the crowd's reaction after my session was something I will never forget. As I looked at the line of women waiting to meet me after and seeing all of them in tears and just embracing me in tight hugs, my spirit was so full. I've been asked to speak in 2018 so hope to see you in Chicago!
After Chicago, things started to wind down a little. I did a great collab with 4 other bloggers and influencers over a size 24 where we all wore the same size 28 jeans from Avenue and shared our experiences as the same size but different body shapes and measurements.
I also celebrated along with my blogger sister and dear friend Darlene of Suits, Heels and Curves at her baby shower in early November. Work at Gwynnie Bee was gearing up for holiday and was keeping me busy. I attended the The Business of Curves event at FIT where I got the courage to ask the panel about fashion over a size 24.
I also got to hang out with singer/songwriter Mary Lambert where we shopped at the #PlusPop pop-up shop at the Gregory Hotel in early December. Connecting with Alexis of plus BKLYN this year and visiting her store is one of the major highlights of my year. I ended the year with a trip to Mexico City to do some fitting for Generose's Spring 2018 line and finding out that I am a 2018 Lifestyled Honors recipient. So I will see you Atlanta in April!
I'm ending the year with blue/pink ombre hair and a full heart. My spirit is overflowing with humility, gratefulness and love. 2017 was simply amazing and I can't wait to see what 2018 has in store for me, including what hair colors I will do next. Stay tuned and thanks for rocking with me this year!!! Love y'all!
What were the highlights of 2017 for you? What are your goals in 2018? What are you looking forward to? Comment below and let's chat!
After TCF, I celebrated my 47th birthday with an all girls staycation that involved my first trip to a spa and an awesome feminist-geared tour at the MET. At this point, my hair was pink and it mirrored my mood... happy, fun and girly.
The pink hair and I then had a blast during New York Fashion Week and Curvy Con the following month. My dream of attending the Project Runway finale runway show came true and I loved how I got to see so many of my blogger sisters at Curvy Con.
During this time, I also shot my first non-fashion campaign with Big Fig Mattress. This was major for me! I also loved that I got to shoot with my blogger brother Kavah King of Gentlemen's Curb, which helped me feel more at ease on set.
The latter part of the year had me visiting Chicago where I spoke in my first breakout session at the Dream Big Curvy Girl Beauty and Fashion Conference. It was the first time I spoke about my mental health and how I built my confidence which enables me to live my best life. Mental health is such a taboo topic to speak about and I feel like it should be talked about more. That's one of my goals moving forward into 2018.
After Chicago, things started to wind down a little. I did a great collab with 4 other bloggers and influencers over a size 24 where we all wore the same size 28 jeans from Avenue and shared our experiences as the same size but different body shapes and measurements.
I also celebrated along with my blogger sister and dear friend Darlene of Suits, Heels and Curves at her baby shower in early November. Work at Gwynnie Bee was gearing up for holiday and was keeping me busy. I attended the The Business of Curves event at FIT where I got the courage to ask the panel about fashion over a size 24.
I also got to hang out with singer/songwriter Mary Lambert where we shopped at the #PlusPop pop-up shop at the Gregory Hotel in early December. Connecting with Alexis of plus BKLYN this year and visiting her store is one of the major highlights of my year. I ended the year with a trip to Mexico City to do some fitting for Generose's Spring 2018 line and finding out that I am a 2018 Lifestyled Honors recipient. So I will see you Atlanta in April!
I'm ending the year with blue/pink ombre hair and a full heart. My spirit is overflowing with humility, gratefulness and love. 2017 was simply amazing and I can't wait to see what 2018 has in store for me, including what hair colors I will do next. Stay tuned and thanks for rocking with me this year!!! Love y'all!
What were the highlights of 2017 for you? What are your goals in 2018? What are you looking forward to? Comment below and let's chat!
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