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Showing posts with label purpose. Show all posts
Showing posts with label purpose. Show all posts
"I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can't help it that I'm popular." ~ Gretchen Wieners, Mean Girls
Last week was a real eye opener for me that made me reflect on my feelings about the fashion industry and my place in it.
I got invited to cover The Femmy Awards and Gala, taking place at Cipriani 42nd St. This event was sponsored by The Underfashion Club, a non-profit fashion industry group dedicated to "all facets of the intimate apparel industry: foundations, daywear, sleepwear, robes, and loungewear".
As someone who is considered media via my job at PLUS Model Magazine, I will admit I get some amazing opportunities to attend events like the Femmy Awards.
So I decided to put on a red dress (from Catherines) that had been sitting in my closet for the last 6 weeks. I was sick with bronchitis for about 5 weeks so my 2019 actually started on 1/25. Wearing red is always something that gives me some extra uumph, which was needed for this night.
See, this was not a plus size event. The theme of this year's awards and gala was body positivity and plus supermodel Emme was hosting (YES!), BUT this was an event where there would be media and some heavy hitters from the Intimate Apparel industry. Folks from Kohl's, Dillard's and other major brands were in attendance.
They were also having a design contest featuring six Fashion Institute of Technology students studying intimate apparel. For the first time, students’ designs were on exhibit via mannequins from size 7 to size 2X, in keeping with the theme of “Body Positivity.” The three top finalists won $5,000 and an all-expense paid trip to Paris.
I was basically walking into a huge event, not knowing a soul and possibly being the biggest girl in the room. Of course, in Fearlessly Just Me fashion, I did just that.
People stared and looked but not for the reasons I was used to. It was because I was wearing red in a sea of black and because people wondered who I was. I mean, I'm a gorgeous big girl wearing a body con red dress with short hair. And I'm walking up in there, like I own the place, lol.
The Intimates Apparel industry is a tight-knit community too, I learned later that evening. And they accepted me with open arms, actually intrigued by the plus size industry and how they can bridge that gap between mainstream/straight size and plus sizes.
Words cannot explain how included I felt and it had nothing to do with seeing someone else who looked like me. It had to do with being seen as more than a plus size woman. They saw me as someone who was their equal, someone in the media who came to the table confident, humble, professional and engaging.
My size was actually an asset in this situation as they now had access to someone who was visibly plus, looked fabulous and proved that plus size women can be stylish too and know their stuff. People came up to me, introduced themselves, asked where my dress was from and just wanted to know about ME.
I left that evening with a clutch full of business cards, including a few requests to be interviewed or featured on their website. As I walked out of Cipriani and to my waiting Uber, I skipped and danced a little, with a smile on my face.
I feel like we are now experiencing a shift in the industry where plus sizes are becoming mainstream. If you're a size 20 and under, you have become mainstream as almost all plus size brands and companies who expand on sizing, always offer up to a size 20. Those who offer above a size 24 are considered radical and really pushing boundaries in an industry where many brands think women above a size 20 don't shop or buy stylish clothing.
Why should my size speak for how I should dress? Why should there be an immediate asumption that separates how women view style and fashion according to their size?
As a size 26/28, I should not feel like I am outsized and not accepted by my own community and industry. But I do.
I just want to be around women who get me. But I also want to be around people who are looking past my size and seeing who I am as a person and what I bring to this industry as I have a seat at the table.
The use of the words "curvy" and "curve" have become the norm. And I feel like women like me have become lost in the shuffle.
I can't shop everywhere I want and while the fashion industry is changing, when I am vocal about my struggles with shopping, women smaller than me try to challenge that by saying they experience the same issue. NO.
I feel like I have to remind them that their situation is totally different than mine. If you're under a size 20, you can shop in mainstream stores like The Gap, NY & Company and countless others. I recognize that smaller women have their own fit issues but they have more options than I do when it comes to fashion.
Most plus size brands stop at a size 3X and 24. So while I get excited when a brand expands their sizing into plus sizes, I can't help but feel a little deflated when I see they are still not carrying my size.
As someone who is considered media via my job at PLUS Model Magazine, I will admit I get some amazing opportunities to attend events like the Femmy Awards.
So I decided to put on a red dress (from Catherines) that had been sitting in my closet for the last 6 weeks. I was sick with bronchitis for about 5 weeks so my 2019 actually started on 1/25. Wearing red is always something that gives me some extra uumph, which was needed for this night.
See, this was not a plus size event. The theme of this year's awards and gala was body positivity and plus supermodel Emme was hosting (YES!), BUT this was an event where there would be media and some heavy hitters from the Intimate Apparel industry. Folks from Kohl's, Dillard's and other major brands were in attendance.
They were also having a design contest featuring six Fashion Institute of Technology students studying intimate apparel. For the first time, students’ designs were on exhibit via mannequins from size 7 to size 2X, in keeping with the theme of “Body Positivity.” The three top finalists won $5,000 and an all-expense paid trip to Paris.
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| Me with the gorgeous Emme |
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| Emme hosting the Femmy Awards 2019 |
I was basically walking into a huge event, not knowing a soul and possibly being the biggest girl in the room. Of course, in Fearlessly Just Me fashion, I did just that.
People stared and looked but not for the reasons I was used to. It was because I was wearing red in a sea of black and because people wondered who I was. I mean, I'm a gorgeous big girl wearing a body con red dress with short hair. And I'm walking up in there, like I own the place, lol.
The Intimates Apparel industry is a tight-knit community too, I learned later that evening. And they accepted me with open arms, actually intrigued by the plus size industry and how they can bridge that gap between mainstream/straight size and plus sizes.
Words cannot explain how included I felt and it had nothing to do with seeing someone else who looked like me. It had to do with being seen as more than a plus size woman. They saw me as someone who was their equal, someone in the media who came to the table confident, humble, professional and engaging.
My size was actually an asset in this situation as they now had access to someone who was visibly plus, looked fabulous and proved that plus size women can be stylish too and know their stuff. People came up to me, introduced themselves, asked where my dress was from and just wanted to know about ME.
I left that evening with a clutch full of business cards, including a few requests to be interviewed or featured on their website. As I walked out of Cipriani and to my waiting Uber, I skipped and danced a little, with a smile on my face.
I feel like we are now experiencing a shift in the industry where plus sizes are becoming mainstream. If you're a size 20 and under, you have become mainstream as almost all plus size brands and companies who expand on sizing, always offer up to a size 20. Those who offer above a size 24 are considered radical and really pushing boundaries in an industry where many brands think women above a size 20 don't shop or buy stylish clothing.
Why should my size speak for how I should dress? Why should there be an immediate asumption that separates how women view style and fashion according to their size?
As a size 26/28, I should not feel like I am outsized and not accepted by my own community and industry. But I do.
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| TCF Style Expo 2018 - Size 24+ panel |
I just want to be around women who get me. But I also want to be around people who are looking past my size and seeing who I am as a person and what I bring to this industry as I have a seat at the table.
The use of the words "curvy" and "curve" have become the norm. And I feel like women like me have become lost in the shuffle.
I can't shop everywhere I want and while the fashion industry is changing, when I am vocal about my struggles with shopping, women smaller than me try to challenge that by saying they experience the same issue. NO.
I feel like I have to remind them that their situation is totally different than mine. If you're under a size 20, you can shop in mainstream stores like The Gap, NY & Company and countless others. I recognize that smaller women have their own fit issues but they have more options than I do when it comes to fashion.
Most plus size brands stop at a size 3X and 24. So while I get excited when a brand expands their sizing into plus sizes, I can't help but feel a little deflated when I see they are still not carrying my size.
Having empathy for other bodies is a part of being body positive. Admitting your own privilege instead of playing the victim is a sign of growth and truly being someone who believes that all bodies are beautiful.
The Femmy Awards taught me some valuable lessons. It showed me that you don't have to be around people who look like you, to fit in. At the end of the day, I am more than a plus size woman and have much more to offer as a human being.
It also showed me that there are people out there who want to be educated more on the state of plus size fashion and that as a visibly plus size woman who does not have access to all plus size fashion, I have a strong voice that can help with that.
While I may encounter the "You can't sit with us" mentality at times, I want to focus more on where I do sit and use that opportunity to educate, engage and network. Not being able to sit at every table doesn't limit my worth in this world or stop the work I am doing.
I'm more focused on inpiring the next generation of designers to embrace designing for ALL sizes and not just a range that excludes women who want to dress just like their thinner sisters.
As I chatted with the six design student finalists from F.I.T., I had hope for the fashion industry in becoming more inclusive. They all spoke so passionately about wanting to design for plus sizes with many of them even offering to create a dress for me! I never thought I'd feel or experience this in my lifetime but I am!
I'm excited to see what the generation of fashion holds for ALL women, especially those of us that are excluded at times from the plus size range AND the conversation.
You can find my Catherines red dress here and it's on sale for $40, up to size 5X including petites. (I'm wearing a size 3X petite)
You can follow those amazing F.I.T. fashion design students below on Instagram - hit them up if you need some custom lingerie or dresses:
Aura Alvarez: @aurahalvarez
Breanna Childers: @bre_childers
Laurel Yau: @yauleru
Dorshelle Guillaume: @dorshelleguillaume
Jessica Trusio: @jesstrusio
Sierra White: @intimatelysierra
Let's support and educate the next generation of fashion.
Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience. ~ Victoria Holt
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| Jacket [LINK] and Snoopy tee [LINK]: Torrid |
A week ago, I got back from Atlanta where I was honored for an award for empowering and inspiring others through my work. Before that, I was in Cancun, Mexico for a fit modeling gig. And I recently got signed to State Management as a size 26+ fit model. I'm sitting here, as I type this, still in shock that this is my life.
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| Dress: LOFT via Gwynnie Bee [LINK] |
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| Dress: Yours Clothing UK [LINK] |
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| Swimsuit: Boutique + for JC Penney [LINK] // Sarong: Always For Me [LINK] |
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| My first fit job at Universal Standard |
At one point in my life, I would ask over and over again, "Why me?" I felt like I couldn't catch a break and bad things were happening back to back. I thought to myself, "How much more can I take before I crumble?" Well, the answer to that was, I can take A LOT and going through that time in my life tested my strength and showed me what a fierce warrior I was.
Simply because I didn't give up.
I decided to keep pushing and strive for better things in my life. It wasn't easy and I'm still in therapy 4 years later. BUT... my life has done a 180 degree turn and I have to say, life is good. Not perfect but I know how to roll with the the bad times now. If I can get through the worst of times, I can get through the bad ones.
I kicked off 2018 with two video opportunities, both denim features, for Glamour Magazine and Refinery 29.
You can view the Refinery29 video here.
While both videos were about showing different bodies wearing jeans, the Glamour one was a hit with over 3 million views where we are all wearing the same jeans from Old Navy. In the Refinery29 video, it was all about our favorite jeans and why.
What I loved the most about both videos is that it not only allowed me to be seen but also it gave me the platform to speak to women about loving themselves and wearing what they love.
We all given a voice and we choose how to use it. I haven't always spoken up but now I know better.
I'm now officially a size 28 fit model for Mexican comtemporary brand Generose and have already worked with Universal Standard to fit their extended sizes collection. Being a fit model has taught me that change is possible and I see the shift happening in the industry. However, I have to speak up and be an advocate for those women in these spaces too.
I'm starting to see that life is an exciting ride and I am embracing that now, more than ever.
So, yes, life doesn't always go as planned but it all works out in the end. I am proof of that.
Next up, I shot another Glamour Magazine video coming soon, heading back to Cancun for more fittings and helping with an event happening there in the fall, prepping for Full Figured Fashion Week and pitching for more public speaking gigs.
Life is good, even if it hasn't gone the way I planned. Stay tuned!
"Traveling. It leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller." ~ Ibn Battuta
Right after Thanksgiving, I got a text from someone offering me a wonderful opportunity that I knew was a sign that amazing things are coming. YEAH!
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| Photography: Jessica Milagros / Jacket: Torrid |
That someone was Melina Alarcon, designer and owner of Generose, a new plus size women's clothing line, designed by her and manufactured in her home country of Mexico.
I met Melina at Full Figured Fashion Week in June 2017 where she showed her collection at the event's finale runway showcase. I remember sitting front row with Maddy Jones, Editor-in-Chief of Plus Model Magazine, and constantly turning to her and ooooohing and ahhhhing as each look hit the runway.
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| Generose on the runway at FFF Week 2017 |
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| Me with Maddy Jones (center) and Sarah Chiwaya of the blog Curvily Fashion |
See, Melina had a dream to be able to offer stylish and high-quality clothing to plus size women, particularly over a size 22. In Mexico, plus size fashion is not very accessible and most plus size women in Mexico shop online or travel into the US to shop. There are no plus size stores to shop in and there's not even a big plus size fashion presence there. Melina wants to change that.
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| Melina Alarcon |
As a Latina and a woman over a size 22, I felt her passion and believed in it. I believe no woman should be deprived of fashion and accessible clothing in her size. Your weight or size should have nothing to do with you dressing well. Fashion can help you build your confidence and self love and then that, in turn, will inspire you to live your best life.
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| One of Melina's sketches for Generose |
Melina and I spent some time in Atlanta last summer at the TCF Style Expo, which she invited me to attend with her as her guest. It really gave us the opportunity to get to know each other and also for me to try on some of her dresses!
I loved her idea of including an inner corset so you have all the support you need to the point where you don't even have to wear a bra! The way she designs her dresses are smart and meant to celebrate your curves. Yup, not wearing a bra in the above images and I'm an F cup.
Fast forward to last month and that text...
Melina asked if I would come to Mexico City and be her size 28 fit model, as well as offer any fit input and ideas. WOW! This was a major opportunity I could not turn down so of course, I said yes! You rarely see fit models my size used so this was something I could not pass up.
So off to Mexico City I went! I was only there two days and I was exhausted the entire time from the high altitude that caused me to have a headache and aggravated my sinuses. But I did not let that stop me from enjoying this experience to the fullest and being present for it. When you are working as a model in any capacity, there is no space for complaining, slacking or a bad attitude. You'd be surprised at how fast word travels when a model is unprofessional while on a job. Plus, I was so humbled at the opportunity that I could have been on crutches and I still would have done it.
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| Molletes con Tecino AKA Spanish bread with frijoles, toasted with cheese and bacon - YUM! |
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| Size 16 fit model |
I went in with the mindset that I was not only offering feedback from my point of view but also other women who may not have the same body shape as mine. I'm a cross between an hourglass and pear, not quite either one. And I have large upper arms and large calves. However, I do know women my size who have smaller arms than I or larger hips or who carry their weight in the belly or on top. I feel ALL these women have to be represented and while it's tough to design ready-to-wear clothing to fit all shapes and sizes, it can be done.
I have a long torso and short legs despite being 5'7" so I need a shorter inseam even though I am not considered petite. But there are those of us with the opposite situation too! And let's not forget the tall girls either. So this was a great opportunity to not only educate others on plus size bodies but also showing them that when it fits well, it looks amazing!
I left Mexico City feeling so excited as to what's to come. Melina said I would be back for more fittings and who knows after that? This is why I always tell others that it pays to be nice to people, network and be authentic. Always remain humble and know that no one owes you a thing. I don't care if you have 1 million followers on social media or the most perfect images in the world, you are not entitled to anything. You have to chase your own dreams, be willing to work hard and be true to yourself.
Never compare your journey to someone else's. If someone else received any opportunity that you wanted, that just means it was not meant for you. And that's okay because there are other amazing things out there meant just for you.
For me, I'm realizing I'm more passionate about making my voice in this industry from a fit perspective. We all have our part in advancing plus size fashion and I feel like this is what I am meant to be doing. This has been something that I have been involved in for years but I was so focused on doing other things and watching what others were doing that I couldn't see it. Now I do.
When you realize your purpose, the sky's the limit. You just gotta keep it real with yourself. And be open to the possibilities.
Mexico City was magical. It was filled with street art, vintage cars, the hustle and bustle of a city on the move as well as friendly folks. Not to mention it's so cheap for us because the US dollar is strong there. Great food, so many great sights to see and just overall, an unforgettable city.
Stay tuned to the blog next week for more on my trip, including my experience flying with Interjet and my review of a piece from Melina's Spring 2018 RTW line for Generose.
You can check out more of Generose on Instagram here.
What do you want to see in plus size fashion (in terms of styles and pieces), especially for women over a size 22? I would love to know so hit me up in the comments below!
"Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it." ~ Gautama Buddha
Every Wednesday morning for the last three years, I have had a standing therapy appointment where I go to talk about everything from grief to anger to even my frustrations in fashion, people and overall, life.
It has become a staple in my life that I learned to welcome. Seeking help has such a negative stigma to it so at first, I didn't tell anyone. What would they think if I said I was in therapy? Little did I know, more people go to therapy than I thought!
After my session weekly, I always see this woman who has the time slot before me and is always waiting in the lobby for her ride home. One day, she smiled at me and we began to chat. A friendship was born.
We'd chat almost every week and have been for about two years. The last time we spoke, she said something to me that still has me thinking, almost a week later.
We were talking about our therapist who is leaving the practice and how we were not looking forward to being paired with someone new. I was telling her how far I have come in my life because of therapy and how I used to be afraid to leave the house after my brother died because the thought of not knowing when it's my time to die is terrifying so I would much rather stay at home in my safe place. And she said:
"Oh, I'd welcome death. At this point, I am waiting for my time to go. I feel like I am wasting space in this life that someone else can use to be something great. I feel I don't have a purpose and am doing nothing in this life. I am not scared of death at all. I'd welcome it."
I was stunned, to say the least. I had never heard someone say that before. Here I am, scared of dying because I feel like I have not accomplished everything I want to do in this life and I am just not ready. And this woman is ready to die.
I told her that we are all here for a reason and that she may feel like she doesn't have a purpose but that's because she hasn't figured it out yet. And I also told her that sometimes we get in our own way. Perhaps all these negative thoughts she was having about dying was blocking her from seeing the positive and truly finding her purpose.
I stressed that she needed to change the conversations she was having with herself because she was limiting herself in life.
Her ride came and she hugged me tight. She suggested we go to lunch soon and told me:
"Thank you. You're always honest but in a deep, compassionate way. And you get it."
I believe we all have a purpose and if you believe it, even when you don't know what it is, that will give you the incentive to want to live your life fully. In order to find your purpose, you have to put yourself out in the world. Show up for yourself and others. Once you do that, you will be amazed at all the magical things that come your way.
It can be something small like someone thanking you for helping them across the street or giving them directions. It can be you offering a smile to someone and telling them you like their hair. It could be you sitting on a bench, enjoying a cup of coffee and admiring the blue sky. These little things add up and when the time is right, your purpose will become clear.
For me, my purpose is an accumulation of things but the base has always been my writing.
My writing has been a way for me to inspire others and myself. It has been a way for me to purge my soul while sharing my story. It has given me an outlet to express myself. My writing is something that will live on forever, after I am gone. My writing is my legacy.
That writing is not just me blogging or writing a book. It has been me writing a note in a card and giving it to someone, who was so happy to receive that message. It has been me creating a resume for someone or helping them with content on their website. It has been me helping someone write a cover letter or editing their blog post. My writing has lent itself to so many avenues in the world and it is my gift and purpose.
It is a way for me to serve others while also serving myself. My writing also gives me a voice. I believe that is what your purpose does... it gives you a voice.
I remember when my step-mom asked me to perform the eulogy at my dad's service. It was one of the easiest and hardest pieces I have ever had to write. The writing flowed so easily but the pain that came with every word written was almost unbearable.
But my writing is what told people who my dad was. It made them laugh and it made them cry. It told them how amazing a dad he was and how his life was truly lived. It also inspired others to rethink how they were living their lives and it served as a reminder that we truly don't know when it's our time to leave this earth so we have to make every single moment count.
Writing to me is like a second nature. Anyone can blog or write a book. But to feel that craft within your heart and love the language of the written word... that is a feeling that not everyone knows.
Writing for me is like me giving away a piece of myself to the world but still feeling like my spirit is full.
That's what it feels like to know your purpose AND be open to where that purpose takes you.
I wrote a letter to my friend that I plan to give her next Wednesday. I hope she can find her purpose and want to live. Life is so precious and if you have it, live it. You never know what can happen or what lies ahead.
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