Sorry I have not blogged in over a week. So far, this month has been one, full of ups and downs. I’m on Facebook pretty much daily and to me, FB has been an escape of sorts. Because I can interact with great people and post funny tidbits of my life. I don’t have to talk about the negative stuff all the time, which is a welcome breath of fresh air. So what I am about to write are some things I have not really talked about at length on there but something is telling me to share. I can’t explain it so just bear with me as the words flow.
My mom and I have been struggling to get money together to make Christmas a good one for the family. I still haven’t found a job. However, Mom and I are a great team when it comes to putting our “pennies” together and making things happen. I do have to say that my mom is really holding it down for me and that makes me want to find a job even more because I want to financially take care of her now. She’s been taking care of me for 40 years. It’s my turn. She needs to be on vacation for the rest of her life, seriously.
Special thanks to my friends who have rallied together and helped where they could. Between care packages, money, late night phone calls, and lots of love, I feel very blessed. To know that I have friends who are my family means the world to me. I can only hope that one day I can give back to them what they give me on a daily basis.
This month has been tough for 2 special people in my life…a dear friend of mine lost his dad the day after Thanksgiving and another dear friend of mine just lost his mom a week ago. Then I found out that someone who I loved dearly passed away last night. To me, she was “Grandma”. Her death wasn’t sudden. But honestly, you are never truly prepared to lose a loved one, even if you know ahead of time that they don’t have much time left. Also, to lose a loved one so close to Christmas is heartbreaking. So to those two friends, know that I love you both and am always praying for you and your families that you have strength and peace during this hard time. As for me, Grandma’s service and funeral will be on Monday. And that’s all I am going to type before the tears start flowing onto my keyboard. It really hurts. She was an amazing woman and I will miss talking to her and hearing her laugh more than anything.
Then I am missing my best friend B so much. He is going through some things right now and I wish I could be there with him. But he's in Denver and I'm in New York. We lived together for 5 years and we always celebrated Christmas together during that time. So when this time of the year comes around, I miss him even more. I just hope everyday that he is okay.
Now this may all seem gloomy and perhaps, negative. But as always, I look at the positive of things. And this is what I am taking from all of this...
Life is short. Very short. We don’t know if we have another day to live or another 20. We spend too much time worrying about tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now. And in that state of mind, we end up taking the present for granted, always thinking we have more time to do this and tomorrow to do that when in actuality, that time is not guaranteed. Life is not always easy. But you get 1 life and YOU decide how that life will unfold on a day by day basis. YOU make the choice to get up in the morning and as your day progresses, YOU decide what to do next. Those decisions will take you on your path in life. We all make mistakes but if you keep an open mind, pure heart and good intentions, you’ll be okay.
Make this life the best one you can. Don’t wait until the absolute last minute to have a bucket list or as I call it, a life’s to-do list. For example, for years, I had always said I wanted to eat at the restaurant “Windows on The World” at the top of the World Trade Center. I kept putting it off. Then 9/11 happened. And that restaurant is gone. The World Trade Center is gone. Now I’m not making light of the tragedy that day because we all lost more than a restaurant. It still pains me to this day and I think I have been downtown in that area twice in the last 9 years because my heart is still heavy over it. But what I am trying to say is I put that desire off thinking that, that place would always be there and now it’s not. You just never know. So you have to live in the moment and just do it.
Never settle for anything less than what you want. This goes for relationships, jobs, anything. Don’t get so comfortable that you will settle and stay where you are. Being comfortable usually means fear of the unknown...you want to stay in your comfort zone where you already know what to expect. Fear limits you. Take a chance. Be open to the possibilities out there. You could miss out on something great if you have your attention too focused on something that does not make you 100% happy.
My advice to myself today and onward, which I gladly share with the world: Marcy, don’t limit yourself in your life. Don’t let fear stop you from realizing your full potential. Don’t second guess yourself. Make a decision and run with it (as my girl Lorraine always tells me). Keep pushing through. Don’t question God’s actions. Have faith.
And as my mom has said to me many times when she sees me sitting in the dark, hand over my head and tears in my eyes when it gets overwhelming...”We’ll be alright. As long as we have each other, we’ll be alright. We have food in the fridge, a roof over our heads and we have each other. We’re good.” I lean on those words daily.
So I am counting my blessings. I might not have a lot of money or a job. I might not have a significant other or children. I might not be able to get on the next flight to Australia as I would like to, lol. But I have a loving family, which includes an amazingly strong mother, a wise, caring father, a loving stepmother, a protective brother, three beautiful nieces, and a tight circle of friends who have seen me through my darkest moments and have been there for me with an unconditional love. That in itself makes me a very rich person. Who needs a Gucci bag when I have friends who will make me laugh so hard, I flatline repeatedly? LOL...
Thank you Lord for all your blessings…now can Christmas hurry up and get here? My mom is driving me insane with what we have to cook, wrapping gifts and dragging me all around shopping and whatnot. I’m exhausted! Being the only daughter AND being the oldest is not easy, lol.
And lastly, don’t wait until New Year’s to make a change. The moment is now. So what are you going to do with it?
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