Friendships can be a complicated thing

I am lucky enough to have friends in my life who have remained constant for many years. I've known my best friend Herman for 15 years, my other close friend Brooke for 8 years, my close friend Marie for like 8 years, my friend Josie since junior high school, and etc. I have lost a few friends here and there. Sometimes some friendships only last a season and once they serve their purpose, they end. But those friends who are meant to be there for a lifetime are the ones you have to keep close and always show appreciation to. Taking someone for granted is something we all do at one point or another but we shouldn't, because nothing is ever guaranteed in life.

No one is perfect and I will admit that I am not the easiest person to deal with. I have a big heart and a lot of love to give others. But at the same time, I am human. In the last year, with my dad's passing, I have not been myself. I have not been happy. I have been so sad and angry. Some people may not know how to deal with that. But my friends are so understanding and have been there, even when I have been a bitch. Herman will be quick to tell me to get over it. He never takes anything personal, which I am so thankful for since I have not been myself for the last 10 months. My friend Josie will call me in the middle of the night and listen to me rant on and on about things I am pissed off about and she will just tell me everything is going to be okay. She tells me she will always be there. Marie continues to just smile at me and tell me she loves me, even when I am being such a bitch.  She checks on me every week with a call.

Looking back now with my anger gone, I feel terrible about how I have been.  Such a dark place. Thank goodness my friends are forgiving ones.  I am the type of person who will apologize and will try my hardest to make things better because if you can't admit your wrongs, how are you going to make things right?

So that is how I have learned to see who are the lifetime friends and who are not - during this time of my life, which is the lowest point I have ever been at. When someone totally abandons you at your lowest point and takes whatever you do personal and makes it about themselves while not really looking at the big picture, those people are not worth having around. I had to let go of some people, which was so hard! Sometimes it's hard to see people for who they are because you have a history with them. But at the end of the day, you have to be honest with yourself. For me, I am already battling my own demons with trying to live with this grief and deal with it along with my anxiety. I don't need any additional drama. So I needed to clean house for my well-being. I even ended a 20+ year friendship with someone last summer, which still pains me but had to be done.

I am now left with friends, some new unexpected ones and some old ones, who I love with all my being and appreciation because they dealt with me when I was at my worst, when I was yelling at them and telling them to leave me alone or just being mean, when I was crying at the drop of a hat and when I said I didn't need anyone. They knew better. They knew I was lashing out because of my pain and not knowing how to deal with it. They accept me for me. They knew it wasn't personal. And they still loved me. I have vowed going forward to do everything I can to show my appreciation for them. Whether it's picking up the phone weekly to call them and just say hi. Or dropping them a quick email to check in or even sending them a card in the mail. I vow to remember every birthday and special day. I promise to tell them every chance I get how lucky I am to have them in my life. These are things that we should all do naturally but we get so distracted by everyday life that we take things for granted. So if you have these type of friends in your life, hold them close, appreciate them. Because they are gifts. They are blessings. They are your personal angels.

I'm feeling good, people. And part of that is coming out of this dark tunnel finally and seeing my friends there, waiting for me, saying "It's about time! We've been waiting for you, Girl! She's Back!". :)

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