So...who am I?

Monday, December 6, 2010

We are all on this Earth, in this existence, to tell a story. Whatever your story is, part of your purpose in this life is to share your story. You may think your story is boring or that you won't ever inspire someone but honestly, that is not the case. Just by living, you are inspiring someone. Just by offering a kind word or gesture, you are inspiring someone. You never know. I always say that if I can just inspire one person in my lifetime, it will all be worth it. So with that in mind, here's my story...

I've been a big girl my whole life. The only time I was thin was when I was born, lol! So I don't know what it is to be thin. And I am okay with that. Some thin people look at me with a sad face when I say that but honestly, you have to own who you are and not let those sad faces affect you. Someone will always have something to say and you can't make everyone happy. So your goal first and foremost should be making yourself happy and let those other folks worry about their own happiness.

It took me years to really be comfortable in my skin. I always had confidence to a certain extent. But I also had a love/hate relationship with my body. I always heard that I'm such a pretty girl but if I just lost some weight, I would be beautiful. It took me years to shake that from my mind. People don't understand the impact words can have on someone.

I have done a lot in my life. I have met people that have blessed me with jobs, opportunities and etc. I'd like to think it was due to my nice personality and just being open to what is out there. However, my life was at a standstill a few years ago.

I was working full-time for a well known plus size catalog retailer (who shall remain nameless) and while I loved my job and the people I worked with, I felt like my job had become my life. I was stressed out, not happy and not really taking care of myself. In the back of my mind, I would hear a voice telling me to look for another job or try another opportunity but I got comfortable at my job so I ignored the voice.

Well, after being at this company for 7 years and working on my third brand (as well as being newly promoted to online merchandising manager), I got laid off. I was stunned. But honestly, I walked away relieved. Weird, huh? I have no hard feelings. I mean, it's the recession. It happens.

So I decided to take a year off. I traveled. I went back to school for some continuing education courses. I started crocheting again. I slept, lol. I started to try to find myself and decide what I wanted to do with my life. I have always been a writer but never really thought of it as something that I should focus on. After the first year was done, I had realized that I wanted to write and I also wanted to inspire people, particularly my big sisters out there.

The state of the world is crazy right now with so much emphasis on size and the impact that it's having on women everywhere. I read all the time about some model or actress having an eating disorder. There were so many stereotypes regarding fat people that drove me crazy because that's not me. I'm fat, yes. But I like to dress nice. I don't smell. I don't spend all of my time on the couch with a bag of chips in one hand and a gallon of ice cream in the other. I have traveled all over the world, most of the time by myself. I have no problem getting a man. Lastly, I get around just fine and have never broken a chair by sitting on it. Anyway...

So I spent the second year looking for a job because in the end, writing was not going to pay the bills. And I also traveled some more, lol. I have not found a job yet but I am happier and I feel better. I am eating better, sleeping better and the experiences I have had in the last 2 years were amazing. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I realized that the possibilities in life are endless if you believe. I think I have something to offer the world through my writing. That alone brings me pure happiness.

I'm still looking for a job (aside from some freelance gigs here and there), would love to go back to the ecommerce field since that is where my strengths lie. But the job market sucks. My unemployment benefits ended a month and a half ago. I'm officially what they refer to as a "99er", which means I exhausted all 99 weeks of my benefits. But I am not stressing over it. It'll work out. Whether I find a job in my field or change careers. The possibilities are endless.

Which brings me to this blog...I'm going to share my story as it continues and just hope that it inspires you. Fear holds us back from so much. We need to live life a little more fearlessly and dare to be who we are. You might end up opening a door to something fabulous and amazing. You might change your life for the better without realizing it. Life is all about opening and closing doors...learning the lesson...and being you regardless, just evolving as you grow and learn.

So that is my story...what's yours?

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