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Ladies (and Gentlemen too!), fashion is one thing but taking care of your skin and having a nice beauty regimen is necessary in looking fabulous. Keeping it real, I'm 40 and do not look my age at all. Some of it is genetic but most of it comes from me being on my game when it comes to beauty care. Plus, I drink lots of water, don't smoke, and I stay moisturized. So with that said, here's my top 10 beauty must-haves:
1. Philosophy’s The Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash
I have very sensitive dry skin. I’m allergic to Dove soap…that’s how bad it is. I love Philosophy products. This is a great cleanser that is light enough to be used daily but it exfoliates and gets rid of the dead skin cells. That’s a must if you want to have great skin. Like I said, I’m 40 years old so my face and skin speak for itself.
Available at Philosophy.com, $15 - $55
2. Crest 3D White Advanced Vivid Toothpaste
Second to my hair, my teeth are pretty important. When I saw the commercial where Crest boasts that this toothpaste can whiten your teeth in 14 days, I said “Yeah, right!”. But while at Walmart, I'm looking at the box and this woman comes up to me and tells me how great the toothpaste is. That it really did whiten her husband’s teeth in 2 weeks. So whether or not, Miss Thang was a secret Crest employee, I was sold. I paid $3.27 on sale at Walmart. And I am still using it to this day. It does work and I love it. Coffee drinkers rejoice!
Available at Walmart, Target and various drugstores, $3 - $4
3. Nivea A Kiss of Smoothness Hydrating Lip Care, SPF 4
I don’t wear a lot of makeup and I hate having dry lips so lip care with SPF is key for me. For years, I swore by Vaseline Lip Therapy (cherry flavor). I used to get it at the $1 store by the sack, lol. Then one day, I was in the checkout line at Walmart and saw this on the counter next to the candy. I picked one up and have been using it ever since. It’s costs a little more than Vaseline Lip Therapy but I am so in love with it that I am willing to pay an extra $1-$2. It goes on smooth and has no taste. I hate those lip balms that leave a bad taste in your mouth, yuck. I also came across a Buy 1, Get 1 Free coupon in the magazine All For You. So keep your eye out for coupons in All For You, First, Woman's Day and etc.
Available at Walmart: $2.87, Walgreens, CVS: $2.99
4. Carol’s Daughter Almond Cookie Shea Soufflé
This stuff smells soooo good and it moisturizes so well. This works especially well on my hands, which gets so dry especially in the winter. I love the fact that it’s made from all natural ingredients…shea butter, cocoa butter, sweet almond oil, and jojoba oil. It’s a bit pricey for me but I signed up for their emails and when they have coupons available, I’m on it. I stocked up last month when they did a 40% off their entire site promo.
Available at Carol's Daughter: 4oz, $13
5. Neutrogena Make-up Remover Cleansing Towelettes
I do wear light makeup occasionally and I am obsessed with keeping my skin clean. So I love these towelettes when removing my makeup at the end of the day. They’re gentle so I don’t breakout and they moisturize too. Secret save tip: CVS and Walmart sell their version/brand of these towelettes for about $2-3 cheaper.
Available at CVS: $7.99 (CVS brand: $5.99)
6. Philosophy The Supernatural Poreless, Flawless SPF Tinted Primer
I have pale skin and I tend to burn so I always wear sunblock. I came upon this product on Philosophy and decided to give it a try. It’s a moisturizer, has SPF and is tinted. It’s great to wear under my foundation or sometimes I wear it alone. It goes on light and I just love how it evens out my skin tone. I sometimes have red patchy areas so this makes my skin look great. It’s kind of pricey so I usually stock up when I have a coupon. Plus, despite the tube being small, it lasts a long time because you don’t have to use too much to cover your face.
Available at Philosophy.com: $30
7. GVP Products
I was turned on to the GVP line at Sally Beauty by my hairdresser. GVP stands for Generic Version Product and basically they are the generic versions of expensive products. It’s basically beauty knockoffs and I love it! For example, there’s a GVP version of Nexxus Humectress Conditioner (GVP is $5.99, Nexxus is $22). When you look at the ingredients, it’s the same. You’re really just paying more for the Nexxus name. They even have a GVP flat iron that is comparable to a CHI. I’m a recessionista so I have no problem buying GVP items. And from what I heard, these products are used in beauty salons. Yes, Girl. And you probably didn’t even know the difference!
There are two GVP items that I swear by. First, I love the GVP Leave-in Treatment, which is the generic version of Sebastian Potion 9. This is a great leave-in conditioner that I put in my hair right after I wash it. I blow-dry my hair straight so this makes my hair silky and bouncy. The other item is the GVP Mega Shaping Spray, which is the generic version of Sebastian Shaper Mega Hair Spray. I swear by this hair spray because while it gives your hair some hold, it does not make it stiff so you can continue to style your hair and it stays in place. You can buy these products online or in your nearest Sally Beauty store. And secret tip, if you know a hairdresser, they get a 10% discount. Shhhh…. ;)
Available at Sally Beauty:
GVP Leave-in Treatment 6.8oz: $5.00 (compare to Sebastian Potion 9, 5.1oz $13)
1. Philosophy’s The Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash
I have very sensitive dry skin. I’m allergic to Dove soap…that’s how bad it is. I love Philosophy products. This is a great cleanser that is light enough to be used daily but it exfoliates and gets rid of the dead skin cells. That’s a must if you want to have great skin. Like I said, I’m 40 years old so my face and skin speak for itself.
Available at Philosophy.com, $15 - $55
2. Crest 3D White Advanced Vivid Toothpaste
Second to my hair, my teeth are pretty important. When I saw the commercial where Crest boasts that this toothpaste can whiten your teeth in 14 days, I said “Yeah, right!”. But while at Walmart, I'm looking at the box and this woman comes up to me and tells me how great the toothpaste is. That it really did whiten her husband’s teeth in 2 weeks. So whether or not, Miss Thang was a secret Crest employee, I was sold. I paid $3.27 on sale at Walmart. And I am still using it to this day. It does work and I love it. Coffee drinkers rejoice!
Available at Walmart, Target and various drugstores, $3 - $4
3. Nivea A Kiss of Smoothness Hydrating Lip Care, SPF 4
I don’t wear a lot of makeup and I hate having dry lips so lip care with SPF is key for me. For years, I swore by Vaseline Lip Therapy (cherry flavor). I used to get it at the $1 store by the sack, lol. Then one day, I was in the checkout line at Walmart and saw this on the counter next to the candy. I picked one up and have been using it ever since. It’s costs a little more than Vaseline Lip Therapy but I am so in love with it that I am willing to pay an extra $1-$2. It goes on smooth and has no taste. I hate those lip balms that leave a bad taste in your mouth, yuck. I also came across a Buy 1, Get 1 Free coupon in the magazine All For You. So keep your eye out for coupons in All For You, First, Woman's Day and etc.
Available at Walmart: $2.87, Walgreens, CVS: $2.99
4. Carol’s Daughter Almond Cookie Shea Soufflé
This stuff smells soooo good and it moisturizes so well. This works especially well on my hands, which gets so dry especially in the winter. I love the fact that it’s made from all natural ingredients…shea butter, cocoa butter, sweet almond oil, and jojoba oil. It’s a bit pricey for me but I signed up for their emails and when they have coupons available, I’m on it. I stocked up last month when they did a 40% off their entire site promo.
Available at Carol's Daughter: 4oz, $13
5. Neutrogena Make-up Remover Cleansing Towelettes
I do wear light makeup occasionally and I am obsessed with keeping my skin clean. So I love these towelettes when removing my makeup at the end of the day. They’re gentle so I don’t breakout and they moisturize too. Secret save tip: CVS and Walmart sell their version/brand of these towelettes for about $2-3 cheaper.
Available at CVS: $7.99 (CVS brand: $5.99)
6. Philosophy The Supernatural Poreless, Flawless SPF Tinted Primer
I have pale skin and I tend to burn so I always wear sunblock. I came upon this product on Philosophy and decided to give it a try. It’s a moisturizer, has SPF and is tinted. It’s great to wear under my foundation or sometimes I wear it alone. It goes on light and I just love how it evens out my skin tone. I sometimes have red patchy areas so this makes my skin look great. It’s kind of pricey so I usually stock up when I have a coupon. Plus, despite the tube being small, it lasts a long time because you don’t have to use too much to cover your face.
Available at Philosophy.com: $30
7. GVP Products
I was turned on to the GVP line at Sally Beauty by my hairdresser. GVP stands for Generic Version Product and basically they are the generic versions of expensive products. It’s basically beauty knockoffs and I love it! For example, there’s a GVP version of Nexxus Humectress Conditioner (GVP is $5.99, Nexxus is $22). When you look at the ingredients, it’s the same. You’re really just paying more for the Nexxus name. They even have a GVP flat iron that is comparable to a CHI. I’m a recessionista so I have no problem buying GVP items. And from what I heard, these products are used in beauty salons. Yes, Girl. And you probably didn’t even know the difference!
There are two GVP items that I swear by. First, I love the GVP Leave-in Treatment, which is the generic version of Sebastian Potion 9. This is a great leave-in conditioner that I put in my hair right after I wash it. I blow-dry my hair straight so this makes my hair silky and bouncy. The other item is the GVP Mega Shaping Spray, which is the generic version of Sebastian Shaper Mega Hair Spray. I swear by this hair spray because while it gives your hair some hold, it does not make it stiff so you can continue to style your hair and it stays in place. You can buy these products online or in your nearest Sally Beauty store. And secret tip, if you know a hairdresser, they get a 10% discount. Shhhh…. ;)
Available at Sally Beauty:
GVP Leave-in Treatment 6.8oz: $5.00 (compare to Sebastian Potion 9, 5.1oz $13)
GVP Mega Shaping Spray 10 fl oz: $9.49 (compare to Sebastian Shaper Mega Hair Spray, 10.6 fl oz $17 - 20)
8. Vaseline Cocoa Butter Deep Conditioning line
I love the products in this line from Vaseline. The lotion is great…very light and moisturizing. The body oil is great. It’s all great, lol. AND very affordable. You can find them at Walmart, Target, CVS, and even on Amazon.com.
Cocoa Butter Extra Care Deep Conditioning Cream, $4.29, Drugstore.com
Cocoa Butter Deep Conditioning Lotion, $5.24 on sale, CVS.com
Cocoa Butter Vitalizing Gel Body Oil, $5.62 on sale, CVS.com
Cocoa Butter Soothing Body Butter, $12.19, Amazon.com
9. PedEgg Pro Pedicure Foot File
I usually don’t do many infomercial products (Pajama Jeans, really?) but I love my PedEgg. It really works. I also use a pumice stone in the shower but not all the time. The PedEgg makes a whole world of difference. I mean, who wants rough feet. ‘Nuff said.
I have the old one without a handle but I have heard the new one is great too.
Available at Drugstore.com:
Without the handle: $6.99
With the handle: $12.99
10. Bath & Body Works PocketBac Sanitizing Gel
I live in NYC and use the subway often. There are so many germs from touching the poles, doors, etc. Also, just being out and about, you forget what you’re touching and then you touch your face or other areas and don’t realize it (yikes). So I am become a fan of anti-bacterial gel. Bath & Body Works has this great product that is not only anti-bacterial gel but also moisturizes and smells good. I buy the travel sizes (usually they’re 5 for $5) and always have one in my purse while I’m on the go. I love the Peach Bellini and Fresh Market Apple scents. So you are killing germs and making your hands smell good and feel soft at the same time. Love it!
Available at Bath & Body Works (online and in-store): $1.50 for 1 or 5 for $5
So what are your beauty must-haves?
I think Anthony Bourdain has the best job ever. He gets to travel all over the world, eat all kinds of great food AND be on TV. I yearn to trade places with him for a day, preferably when he visits Brazil, Italy or Mexico. A girl can dream, can't she?
March 2002 - Herman, Ralph and I went to Paris. While there, we did a day trip to Versailles. This picture was taken in what is like the "backyard" of Versailles, lol. Can you imagine???
That trip to Paris was a hot mess. It rained the entire time we were there and I got sick with the flu and spent a day in bed. The Louvre was closed due to a strike so I couldn't see the Mona Lisa and the Seine River was overflowing due to the rain so no boat tour. But all in all, it was a great trip with my boys.
One of my most favorite memories is this pic...it's something you will never forget.
Back in October, I was lucky enough to win VIP tickets to Full Figured Fashion Week(end) in Los Angeles courtesy of Sonsi and Lips, Hips and Fatshion Tips, a blog run by the beautiful Stiletto Siren. It was such a great event where I met so many amazing people like Stiletto Siren herself, plus size models Rosie Mercado and Fluvia Lacerda, my girls from the Fashion Plus 3 blog, blogger and plus size model Nichole Nikstar Smith, designer Celes Harvey of Sassi Rebel Clothing, Plus Model Magazine Editor Madeline Figueroa Jones and others.
Well, apparently, that prize was the prize that keeps on giving. In mid-December, as I sat in Macy’s, Christmas shopping with a friend, I got an email informing me that I won the $300 shopping spree from Evans that was being promoted during FFF Week(end). ::flatlines:: Yes, I almost passed out in the shoe department as my homegirl Carmen was trying on boots.
Now for those of you who don’t know me, I love Evans. No, let me rephrase that…I FREAKING LOVE EVANS. When I went to London last March, I hit up the Evans store in Marble Arch and must have spent about $400. For me to spend any kind of money like that, you know it’s a big deal. I loved my shopping experience there so much that as soon as I got home, I placed another order with them online and then wrote a store review on Madison Plus. It was that serious for a fashion recessionista such as myself. Because you know I bought like half the store for my $400, lol. I bought so many things on sale that I needed to buy a second suitcase while in London. I bought a few pairs of shoes, belts, bags, accessories, on top of the clothes I picked up. Things that I have such a hard time finding in the US. Bags with longer straps, pretty belts, and shoes galore!
Evans is a great store that I wish was available in the US. It’s hard for me to find shoes here because I am in between widths and size. Sometimes a 9 is tight and a 9 ½ is too loose. Evans offers 3 types of widths and their shoes are very generous in length. I have yet to try a pair of their boots but I hear they are awesome. I still have my Evans gladiator sandal wedges on a pedestal in my room. I always wanted a pair and could not find a pair that would fit me, width-wise. Thank you Evans!
So I submitted my list of items to Evans yesterday and cannot wait for them to arrive! Soooo excited. Here’s some of the items I picked...feel free to shop my look and we’ll all look fabulous together, lol.
Red V Neck Top
Hamnett(R) Choose Life Tee
Black and White Print Jacket
Grey Rouched Coat
Black Ponte Pencil Skirt
Black Jersey Side Jeggings
Grey Leopard Print Tights
Black Stud Trim Hip Belt
Funny how Day #4 falls on a night where we are in the midst of a snowstorm, lol. It's been snowing all day in NYC and will continue throughout the night until tomorrow morning. We're expected to get 6-9 inches. Ugh.
So this is why the sky doesn't look too dark. Snow everywhere!
So this is no big surprise to people who know me or follow me on Facebook. I love GLEE! I never miss an episode. Anything with music and singing, I love.
Now this is not my #1 favorite show, surprisingly. Survivor holds that title. But since it is a reality show, there isn't just one cast. But to honor one of my husbands, Jeff Probst, here's his pic too, lol.
((Tried to post last night but I had uploading issues))
Herman has been my best friend for 14 years. He is someone who knows me 100% and accepts me, bad and good. He is probably the only friend I have that I trust 100%. We have had our moments but during our entire 14 yr friendship, we have only had 2 big fights. And there were over something so minor but yet we both were in such emotional states that it made the fights seem HUGE. What counts is that we made up and got over ourselves, lol. Herman has taught me a lot about myself and that is the best gift anyone can give you. A friend that you can grow with and learn from at the same time while not growing apart from you. That is a blessing. He and I have traveled the world together...he has been there for me during my darkest moments and he has celebrated my best moments. I can never see my life existing without him in it. Yeah, I'm pretty lucky and blessed.
1. Growing up, I had a love for fashion and for law enforcement. So I could not make up my mind on what I wanted to be when I grew up. A fashion designer, an FBI agent specializing in forensics or a lawyer? Ironically, I ended up as none of the above. But my love for those careers tends to show itself in my life regularly. I love fashion, will visit a law library just to read and am obsessed with crime shows like the 1st 48 and Forensic Files. I still idolize Clarice Starling from Silence of the Lambs ‘til this day.
2. I could eat bread and cheese pretty much all the time and not get sick of it. Love it.
3. The worst bathroom I have ever seen was the Po Lin Monastery outside of Hong Kong. My best friend Herman loves to tell the story because he knows how much of a clean freak I am and the look on my face was hysterical. All I will say is imagine a hole in the floor, open stalls and no toilet paper. Yeah, that’s it in a nutshell. One of my best quotes ever...upon seeing the sinks OUTSIDE of the bathroom, I looked over to my friend Barbara and said, “This doesn’t look good.”
4. When I was a teenager, I was obsessed with music and clubbing. My dad was strict so I was in the house a lot. But periodically, I’d sneak out and hit the clubs. First club I ever went to was Studio 54 when I was 14 in 1984. I still managed to never do drugs and maintain decent grades. I just loved to hear the music and dance.
5. I call my bedroom the Audrey room. Yes, my obsession with Audrey Hepburn is a bit much but I don’t care. That’s my girl.
6. My second favorite to Audrey is Grace Kelly. Every time I watch Rear Window, I cannot take my eyes off of her outfits and I just stare at how graceful and confident she moves. To me, she and Audrey are the epitome of what a lady should be. They were beautiful but humble…they were genuine, smart and confident. And they didn’t need to show their bodies to get attention.
7. I have always yearned to be a mom. I was gifted with the second best thing...a niece who is like a clone of me, Savana. That’s us in the pic above. I was lucky enough to be chosen as her godmother and I take that seriously.
8. I’m a gadget girl. They’re like shiny toys to me. I just got one of those flip video cameras for Christmas and I cannot stop playing around with it, lol.
9. I love movies where there is a strong female action lead. I get giddy at the thought of watching Kill Bill and yearn for my own yellow Adidas track suit and Hattori Hanzo sword. I have watched Aliens so much that I can recite every line from memory and plan to name my first born daughter Ripley. LOL
10. My longest relationship was 8 years long. And he was my first serious boyfriend at the age of 18. That was a learning experience since I was late in the dating game.
11. Every time the movie The Way We Were comes on, I burst into tears. It’s one of the saddest movies I have ever seen. I hate that there was not a happy ending.
12. My first job was at Woolworth’s when I was 16. And it was one of those Woolworth’s with a soda fountain. I only made $3.35 an hour, which was minimum wage back in 1987.
13. I’m allergic to shellfish, Chapstick and Dove soap. Weird, I know.
14. To this day, everytime I hear the music from the Mr Softee ice cream truck, I stop in my tracks and have to resist the urge to yell out "Mom! Mr Softee is here!". I feel like I am 8 again, waiting for my mom to throw money (wrapped in foil) out the window and yelling out at me to get a vanilla milkshake for my dad.
15. Needy, clingy people turn me off. I’m the type of person that likes to be alone at times and not be bothered. While I do have the gift of gab, I have my times where I am quiet and just taking in everything. Which is funny, since I have such an outgoing personality and consider myself an extrovert. The only friend I talk to almost daily is my BFF Herman. My friend Marie says I am a low-maintenance friend, lol. So those people who require constant contact usually do not like being my friend. I am lucky enough to have a circle of friends who get that and it works. Usually, if we go weeks without speaking, when we do speak, it’s like no time has lapsed. We do all keep in contact in some form be it email, Facebook or even a text. And I feel so blessed to have those great friends in my circle who get me.
"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." - Anatole France
It’s the first day of the year. And on this day is the start of new beginnings. 2010 what? Who? Man, just reflect and release! It’s done. Start over. Let’s start this year off by being kind to ourselves. Stop the self-loathing and love yourselves as much as we can. Who cares what people say? Those people can kick rocks. You don’t like me because I’m fat. Too freaking bad. There I said it. Life is too short to be worrying about the naysayers.
One of my favorite songs to get ready to is “Dress You Up” by Madonna. There’s nothing like getting dressed and doing your hair while listening to some Madonna, lol. Let me tell you...Madonna is one of my heroes. She has been with me since the 80’s and has helped me in accepting me in all my weirdness and uniqueness. She made me feel okay with putting blonde streaks in my hair or letting out the hem in my jeans (to fray them) when it wasn’t cool back in the 80’s. She is the queen of reinvention and say what you will about her, we can learn a thing or two from Homegirl.
We can dress to the hilts but if we don’t feel right on the inside, whatever you wear on the outside doesn’t matter. You can wear a beautiful dress but the look of unhappiness with yourself will show through regardless. You have to dress yourself up on the inside first with love. When you don’t love yourself on the inside, usually you don’t care how you dress yourself on the outside. are uncomfortable with wearing pretty clothing or will wear the same type of style and be afraid to change it up.
I remember when I was in LA back in October and my friend Donna and I were going to Trader Joe’s. I walk out the house and she says to me, “We’re only going to the supermarket!” Not that I had a ball gown on but I was put together...hair in place, nails and feet done, makeup on, pretty sandals on, my nice hand bag, you get the picture. Now if I didn’t love myself or care, honestly, I’d probably roll out of bed and go to the store looking a hot mess. Not that I am high maintenance because I don’t wear a lot of makeup and etc. But it’s all about caring about you and taking the time to dress yourself up. Doing it for you and not the public. For me, I just like to feel pretty.
So I know that Madonna song is all about her dressing some dude up with her love but to me, it represents dressing yourself up in your love. Because we all know that when you love yourself, no one or nothing will rob you of your swagger. You will own the streets...walk with your head up high and that confidence will radiate from you and onto to others. It’s infectious. You will inspire others without knowing it.
It happened to me in London last year. I was in Harrod’s of all places and this woman comes up to me and says, “Love your hair color, your shoes, your style! I just had to come over and tell you.” Now this woman gushing over me had to be a size 2 and she was rocking a Chanel bag and boots, not to mention the most beautiful leather coat I had ever seen. Head to toe, fabulous. Meanwhile, I’m standing there with my leopard print ballerina flats from Payless that I paid $10 for, a black trenchcoat, jeans, a sweater and a brown alligator croc cross-body bag I got from Target for $5. My hair, at the time, was a strong burgundy red, lol.
She and I ended up getting a cup of coffee and having a great conversation about fashion, self image and body love. She confided that sometimes she thinks she’s fat (::flatlines::) and that when she saw me, walking around all confident, it really made her stop in her tracks. You just never know who you will inspire. That was one of those humbling moments for me that I will never forget. Especially since I was walking around, paying no mind to anyone staring at me and whatnot.
Here is someone who I perceive as thin and she thinks she is fat and hates herself. Self-loathing knows no size. I told her that she has to learn to love herself first. And be happy and comfortable in her body. She then asked me how to do that. My answer: Believe in your beauty. When you believe in something, it’s amazing how it can come true. Belief is everything. If you don’t believe in yourself, how are you supposed to succeed? You have to believe you can do it in order to do it. Make sense? So if you believe in your beauty, you see yourself differently in the mirror.
Self-loathing is just you believing you are not beautiful...believing you are something you’re not. Once you believe in your beauty, nothing can hold you back.
Now no one is perfect. But at the same time, you have to love you, flaws and all. Don’t pretend to be someone else because you’re perfect just the way you are. You have to be okay with you. And it all hinges on that belief that you are YOU and you are beautiful.
Once you have that belief and are dressing your soul with love, then you will dress your outer shell with more confidence. You will take fashion risks, which sometimes may not work. I speak from experience. (Go away, white coat, banish from my past! lol) But what matters is that you were fearless enough to take the risk. Honestly, you may surprise yourself by finding out you can actually wear certain things that you didn’t have the guts to before.
For example, if you’re confident enough to wear those leggings, you can work it. I have heard so many folks say how fat girls can’t wear leggings. Well, I’m here to break that stereotype. I rock leggings with a sweater and some boots and I know I look good. Same with skinny jeans. It’s all about finding that balance on what looks good on your body versus what you feel comfortable wearing, which depends on your confidence.
I know that low rise jeans do not work for me. Neither does light color jeans. I hate muffin tops and am not above wearing some spanx so that doesn’t happen. But at the same time, I don’t have a flat stomach. I embrace that and you best believe when I walk out the door, I’m put together.
In the end, fashion and self-love go hand in hand. We need to work it from the inside out. So ladies, the next time you’re getting dressed, try listening to Madonna’s Dress You Up. You don’t have to go crazy like me, dancing and singing around my room unless you want to. But let me know how you feel after. If that song does not get you pumped and all giddy, I don’t know what will.
Happy New Year Beautiful People!
#1 Affirmation for 2011: I believe in my beauty!
It’s the first day of the year. And on this day is the start of new beginnings. 2010 what? Who? Man, just reflect and release! It’s done. Start over. Let’s start this year off by being kind to ourselves. Stop the self-loathing and love yourselves as much as we can. Who cares what people say? Those people can kick rocks. You don’t like me because I’m fat. Too freaking bad. There I said it. Life is too short to be worrying about the naysayers.
One of my favorite songs to get ready to is “Dress You Up” by Madonna. There’s nothing like getting dressed and doing your hair while listening to some Madonna, lol. Let me tell you...Madonna is one of my heroes. She has been with me since the 80’s and has helped me in accepting me in all my weirdness and uniqueness. She made me feel okay with putting blonde streaks in my hair or letting out the hem in my jeans (to fray them) when it wasn’t cool back in the 80’s. She is the queen of reinvention and say what you will about her, we can learn a thing or two from Homegirl.
We can dress to the hilts but if we don’t feel right on the inside, whatever you wear on the outside doesn’t matter. You can wear a beautiful dress but the look of unhappiness with yourself will show through regardless. You have to dress yourself up on the inside first with love. When you don’t love yourself on the inside, usually you don’t care how you dress yourself on the outside. are uncomfortable with wearing pretty clothing or will wear the same type of style and be afraid to change it up.
I remember when I was in LA back in October and my friend Donna and I were going to Trader Joe’s. I walk out the house and she says to me, “We’re only going to the supermarket!” Not that I had a ball gown on but I was put together...hair in place, nails and feet done, makeup on, pretty sandals on, my nice hand bag, you get the picture. Now if I didn’t love myself or care, honestly, I’d probably roll out of bed and go to the store looking a hot mess. Not that I am high maintenance because I don’t wear a lot of makeup and etc. But it’s all about caring about you and taking the time to dress yourself up. Doing it for you and not the public. For me, I just like to feel pretty.
So I know that Madonna song is all about her dressing some dude up with her love but to me, it represents dressing yourself up in your love. Because we all know that when you love yourself, no one or nothing will rob you of your swagger. You will own the streets...walk with your head up high and that confidence will radiate from you and onto to others. It’s infectious. You will inspire others without knowing it.
It happened to me in London last year. I was in Harrod’s of all places and this woman comes up to me and says, “Love your hair color, your shoes, your style! I just had to come over and tell you.” Now this woman gushing over me had to be a size 2 and she was rocking a Chanel bag and boots, not to mention the most beautiful leather coat I had ever seen. Head to toe, fabulous. Meanwhile, I’m standing there with my leopard print ballerina flats from Payless that I paid $10 for, a black trenchcoat, jeans, a sweater and a brown alligator croc cross-body bag I got from Target for $5. My hair, at the time, was a strong burgundy red, lol.
She and I ended up getting a cup of coffee and having a great conversation about fashion, self image and body love. She confided that sometimes she thinks she’s fat (::flatlines::) and that when she saw me, walking around all confident, it really made her stop in her tracks. You just never know who you will inspire. That was one of those humbling moments for me that I will never forget. Especially since I was walking around, paying no mind to anyone staring at me and whatnot.
Here is someone who I perceive as thin and she thinks she is fat and hates herself. Self-loathing knows no size. I told her that she has to learn to love herself first. And be happy and comfortable in her body. She then asked me how to do that. My answer: Believe in your beauty. When you believe in something, it’s amazing how it can come true. Belief is everything. If you don’t believe in yourself, how are you supposed to succeed? You have to believe you can do it in order to do it. Make sense? So if you believe in your beauty, you see yourself differently in the mirror.
Self-loathing is just you believing you are not beautiful...believing you are something you’re not. Once you believe in your beauty, nothing can hold you back.
Now no one is perfect. But at the same time, you have to love you, flaws and all. Don’t pretend to be someone else because you’re perfect just the way you are. You have to be okay with you. And it all hinges on that belief that you are YOU and you are beautiful.
Once you have that belief and are dressing your soul with love, then you will dress your outer shell with more confidence. You will take fashion risks, which sometimes may not work. I speak from experience. (Go away, white coat, banish from my past! lol) But what matters is that you were fearless enough to take the risk. Honestly, you may surprise yourself by finding out you can actually wear certain things that you didn’t have the guts to before.
For example, if you’re confident enough to wear those leggings, you can work it. I have heard so many folks say how fat girls can’t wear leggings. Well, I’m here to break that stereotype. I rock leggings with a sweater and some boots and I know I look good. Same with skinny jeans. It’s all about finding that balance on what looks good on your body versus what you feel comfortable wearing, which depends on your confidence.
I know that low rise jeans do not work for me. Neither does light color jeans. I hate muffin tops and am not above wearing some spanx so that doesn’t happen. But at the same time, I don’t have a flat stomach. I embrace that and you best believe when I walk out the door, I’m put together.
In the end, fashion and self-love go hand in hand. We need to work it from the inside out. So ladies, the next time you’re getting dressed, try listening to Madonna’s Dress You Up. You don’t have to go crazy like me, dancing and singing around my room unless you want to. But let me know how you feel after. If that song does not get you pumped and all giddy, I don’t know what will.
Happy New Year Beautiful People!
#1 Affirmation for 2011: I believe in my beauty!
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