Last days of what turned out to be a "fearless" summer...

Sunday, September 7, 2014

I know to some, summer ended with Labor Day but in NYC, we were in the 90s last week so for me, the summer ended today with the start of cooler, more fall-like weather.

Fall is my favorite season with Spring a close second. I think they are my faves, not only because of the perfect balance of weather (not too cold, not too hot), but because they represent change and renewal. Fall is about change and Spring is about renewal. I love seeing the leaves change color and the weather getting cooler where I can bust out my jackets. Yes, I am a self-confessed jacket whore. I love how a jacket can transform an outfit. But I digress.

This summer was tough but it was a time of rediscovery for me. I lost my brother Danny just before the summer started and honestly, that loss was pivotal for me. Whereas my dad's death three years ago taught me the lesson of not wasting time and taking life for granted, my brother's death taught me the lesson of letting go. Tears are falling as I write this and that can't be helped. His death is still painful for me but I take it one day at a time.

His death taught me to let go of guilt, anger and stress of things beyond my control. That lesson didn't fully register until this past week, with the last days of summer. I guess, because I started this summer, thinking I would do certain things and etc. But things never turn out as we plan. They do, however, work out as they are meant to.

I joined a group on Facebook that has changed my life. It's run by two great women who are spirit coaches. They invited me to be a part of a 7-week program they were conducting via phone that would help participants become more grounded and spiritual. That program made me face some things I had buried deep and it helped me cope with the loss of my brother. That program and the women involved gave me hope for the future. They instilled my faith once again.

I met G at the beginning of the summer when I didn't really want to be around anyone. And I was so standoffish to him on our first date that I thought there would not be a second. But surprisingly, he found me a challenge and came back. We're still in our dating stage where we are getting to know each other and believe me, it is not easy. Relationships are not easy. This thing with G has really shown me that I am impatient and I am working on that. Relationships are all about communication and compromise. To be honest, I don't know if we will make it. But I have let go of that worry. I think of Danny and I say to myself, now Marcy, enjoy the present moment. I do think it could be something wonderful. So we'll see.

A selfie during my third date with G at the movies - he thinks I'm crazy, in a good way
It's hard when you have been single for a very long time and you're in your 40's. You get set in your ways. But I always strive to be open to the possibilities and learn. That's all any of us can do on this journey we each are on in our lives.

I have written a few times about my ex P and how he left me for another woman 6 years ago during the same week I got laid off. That was a major thing in my life because in an instant, I had lost almost everything and was forced to rebuild. I often thank him (in my head) because he did me a favor. Well, he called me out of the blue in early August to tell me he was getting a divorce. That woman he left me for? He married her and had a child with her. And as irony would have it, she cheated on him. So they are getting divorced. He called to tell me that, it took 6 years but Karma caught up with him.

I couldn't even laugh in his face or say something like "I told you so" or "Good for you!" because honestly, I had let that go a long time ago. But I would be lying if I said I didn't feel vindicated in some odd way.

And the biggest thing that happened this summer was that I finally had a decent birthday! G took me to Medieval Times! We had so much fun, Our knight won the joust and I think G had more fun than I did from the way he was yelling, lol.

So, yes, this summer was tough. But it also gave me an opportunity to rediscover myself. I lost myself somewhere along the way but believe me, I'm back on the path and the only question now is, where do I go? I just take it one day at a time. And with some things "resolved" this summer and other things brought to the surface, I have to be honest... I am excited at what's to come.

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