"Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty." ~ Coco Chanel

I don't keep unflattering pictures of myself anywhere. I can't help the ones that others take of me and I don't think too much of that. But the ones I do have control over, I delete and keep it moving. I do that because I feel like seeing unflattering pictures of myself is putting myself through some unnecessary negativity. But I have also learned over the years that taking photos of myself made me such a critical person because I scrutinized over every single photo to the point where none of them were perfect. That critical side of me started to spill over into other aspects of my life and it really affected my spirit in a negative way. Then one day, a lightbulb went off over my head and I had an epiphany.

None of those pictures will ever be perfect because... I am not perfect.

And me being this way is no better than someone who takes pictures and photoshops them to the point where the model doesn't even look real anymore. My search for the perfect image was taking away from me loving myself as I am. We have all been brainwashed by society to think that if we don't look like who we see on the magazine covers or if our bodies are not a certain size, that we are not normal and not beautiful.

Does that piss you off? I know it pissed me off for a long time when I was in my 20s and was channeling my inner Chuck D/Joan Jett persona in college. How dare the world tell me that I am not normal or beautiful because I wasn't a size 2 or had pin-straight hair and perfect skin? But then I realized that fighting the world is not the answer. My anger was not healthy and it was taking my attention away from truly taking care of myself because I wanted to rebel from society. Which meant eating whatever I wanted and doing whatever I wanted.

We can't change the world until we change how we feel about ourselves first. We can't expect for the world to accept us unconditionally if we can't fully love ourselves for who we are right in this moment. Once we change our own mindset and be who we are with no excuses and fear, that alone will inspire others to do the same. It's really simple as that but so hard to actually accomplish because undoing years of brainwashing is not easy.

I personally don't buy into what society says is beautiful anymore. After years of working on me and building my self-love, I now know that happiness does not come in a dress size. Happiness comes from within.

I love myself as I am right now. I loved myself 3 years ago at a size 32. And I love myself today just the same at a size 26. I may have gotten smaller but my love for myself remains the same. Life didn't suddenly get amazing because my dress size got smaller. My life has always been amazing, even the ups and the downs. No one's life is perfect so we all have to roll with the punches. Doesn't mean life isn't good overall.

Change your mindset and you will change your life. I'm telling you.

Everything starts with you and accepting who you are in all of your fabulousness. Like I always say, we all have a choice. When we CHOOSE to not accept what society is telling us on how we should look and what is "perfect" and we CHOOSE to instead begin a love affair with ourselves, that is when your life will change.

You will want to take care of you, whether it's getting healthier, dressing your body better...shoot, even cut your hair! ::points at self:: It may sound selfish but you have to put yourself first. But it is not selfish if you put yourself first for the right reasons. How can you be there for others and take care of others if you're not doing that for yourself?

When you take care of yourself physically, you are healing yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We often seek happiness from others when in reality, all we have to do is look within ourselves for that happiness.

I still chuckle about the fact that I have lost weight and didn't even know it. I just decided to give up soda a year ago (my 1-yr anniversary was yesterday) and started eating healthier. I really just wanted to feel better and get healthier. I haven't weighed myself in over a year. But I do take my measurements from time to time when I am ordering from my favorite retailer eShakti. And that's when I noticed I was getting smaller. Then the comments started rolling in. People would see me at events and etc and be shocked at how great I looked.

To me, I have always looked great but of course, there goes that society brainwashing again where people feel that losing weight is the ultimate compliment...but I digress.

Anyway, the biggest lesson in all of this is that I have learned to not seek validation from others. I couldn't care less if someone noticed my weight loss or not. What counts is that I feel good and I'm happy. I'm doing it for me. Not to prove anything to anyone or to seek approval from society. I'm doing it to honor who I am by hopefully extending my life span and making it easier for this body to explore the world. By being good to myself, making myself stronger and healing myself, I am giving myself the gift of happiness no matter what size I end up to be.

Photo credit: Andy Cohen/Instagram

So... I still have Sarah Jessica Parker on the brain. There was something else she said during her guest spot on Watch What Happens the other night that has stayed with me and has me heavy in thought. If you have no idea of what I am talking about, pls read my previous blog post titled What Sarah Jessica Parker Has Taught Me About Loving Myself & Being Fearless and then come back. Hurry! ;)

During her guest spot, when she spoke of her hands and how they were one of her favorite parts of her body despite the media saying she has ugly hands, she also mentioned her second favorite part of her body...her feet. Her reason for loving her feet had nothing to do with vanity. She simply said that she loves her feet because they have taken her so many places and have not failed her yet.


This is a woman who is a fashion icon. You would expect her to be one that speaks from a vanity standpoint. But no. Her favorite parts of her body have nothing to do with vanity and more to do with their meaning to her life. She is grateful for those body parts that many people overlook in favor of other body parts that are only admired for their beauty and nothing else. You hear it all the time... someone will say they love their eyes because of their color or shape... or their smile... or their lips, etc. They choose their favorite body parts based on what they feel is attractive and validated by society. That, in turn, causes us to loathe those body parts that are not considered attractive by society. And thus begins this vicious cycle of constantly trying to change ourselves to fit this standard imposed on us by society. Which we know never works as no one is perfect nor is everyone the same. We all can't fit into this cookie cutter body image that we are told we need to be like.

SJP has me really thinking about body image and how a simple mindset change can have you looking at yourself with a new set of eyes. It will have you being thankful for those body parts you don't think twice about.

Think about it. If we truly loved parts of our bodies for reasons that were more about how they enhance our lives in a meaningful way, we'd spend less time worrying about trying to fit in and be like someone else. We'd love ourselves in all of uniqueness and embrace those body parts that may seem "ugly" or "flawed". Those parts may not be beautiful by society's standards but they are more than vanity objects. They bring meaning to our lives, whether it's our eyes for allowing us to see the wonders of the world or our ears for allowing us to be able to listen to our favorite song or hear our child's voice saying "I love you". Or even our feet for taking us places we couldn't imagine we'd ever be.

SJP is on to something here. She may not realize it now but that one guest spot may have changed someone's life by causing them to look at their body differently. It did that for me so who knows who else she inspired? In my opinion, she just became an advocate for positive body image and probably didn't even know it.

This is a perfect example as to why it is so important to share your story. We all have something to say that will mean something to the world. With that said...

I want to know...what are your favorite body parts minus the vanity, the beauty or what society thinks? What body parts are meaningful to you?

I'm going to ponder this one for a bit on my end and write a future post, sharing what my favorite body parts are. I hope I can inspire you to do the same. Let's be thankful for those body parts we don't think twice about.

Last night, I was channel surfing and came upon Watch What Happens: Live on the Bravo channel. Host Andy Cohen had Sarah Jessica Parker as his guest. The one thing that caught my attention was when she talked about how a reporter wrote an article in a magazine about how ugly her hands are and how she should get surgery to correct the problem. Her response to that really threw me. She told Andy that her hands are actually one of her favorite body parts because they represent strength and that there are her mother's hands. She said she was born with these hands so she loves them despite them being "vein-y", which she says they have always been. WOW!

If we all embraced this way of thought, I think the world would overflow in self-love and less criticism. SJP accepts her hands for what they are...they are not perfect but they are hers and she loves them. She sees past the veins and sees the beauty and strength in her hands. She is thankful for those hands because they are her mother's hands.

Her nails are short and unpolished. She was wearing a simple ring but that's it. So her love for her hands is evident since you can see she is not going out of her way to make them look better. She loves them the way that they are. To her, they are perfect because they are her hands.

I have heard so many negative opinions of SJP over the years... How she has a big nose, she is not very pretty, she's too skinny or her jaw is so big. But watching her on this show, this woman could care less what others say about her because she knows what matters is how she feels about herself. When I look at her, I see a woman who is beautiful from the inside and out. Watching her on TV, I feel her positive energy radiating outward. Her laughter is genuine and she seems at ease with who she is. And seeing her, unapologetic about who she is, makes me want to get to that place. I feel like I am halfway there but I am still on my journey.

I have never really been a huge fan but I have to say, I have a newfound respect for SJP. We live in such a critical world. I see it all the time, even on the PLUS Model Magazine blog and Facebook page. People will see an image of a model that they think is not plus size "enough" and will tear her to shreds. Even when we post an outfit, they will go in, saying how that color is ugly or how they would never wear that. Once there was an image of a model wearing lingerie who is battling cancer so she had a wig on (image on right). The comments that were made were terrible. Someone finally spoke up, saying that the model has cancer.

It has been said that when a person is very critical of others, it is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. If someone is truly happy with themselves, they won't care what someone else is wearing or doing.

We each have a part of our body we hate. I know I do. We are our own worst critics. Couple that with the criticisms of others and it's easy to see how many have a negative body image. We can't control what others think but we can control what we think.

For me, I hate my thighs. But after hearing SJP talk about her love for her hands that are deemed unattractive in the media, I am rethinking that thigh hate. If we want to change the world, we have to change how we feel about ourselves first. Loving ourselves truly will make us less critical of others.

And one less person being critical takes us one step closer to changing the world's mindset of always being negative and critical.

Hmmm....food for thought.

That quote from Coco Chanel couldn't be more true. A friend reminded me of that quote a few weeks ago when he asked why I cut all my hair off and said that when a woman cuts all her hair, it's a sign that she is going through a major change in her life. And I have to say, I agree with that wholeheartedly because my recent extreme haircut has changed my life.

I should have blogged about this 4 months ago when it happened but it was around that same time that I started my new job as Blog Editor for PLUS Model Magazine and school was starting so my tutoring sessions were also beginning. But I digress...

I cut my hair off on August 8. I will always remember that date because it was one of the most ballsy moves I have ever made in my life. Right up there with going to Europe by myself and climbing 20 flights of stairs to touch Buddha in Hong Kong.

I had really long hair until about 5 years ago and then I cut my hair into a bob that hung just below my shoulders. I think that was the beginning of my evolution since I got laid off and dumped by my boyfriend a week later. My hair then started to get shorter and shorter in the last 2 years but never shorter than chin length. Then one day, I decided I wanted a pixie cut. I was going through a transitional phase in my life and wanted a change. Plus, I have always heard that big girls can't rock pixie cuts because our faces are too fat. I felt like breaking another rule so I went for it. What the hell...I wear prints and do all sorts of things that people have said I can't do because of my weight. So why not cut my hair? ::insert fearless moment here::

I went into that salon looking like this:


Showed them this image:


Woo-woo-woo! Mannnnnn, I walked out of that salon with my hair the shortest it's ever been and I was ECSTATIC. Had a pep in my step and no one could tell me that I didn't look fabulous. Shoot, they even did my makeup. Shout out to the Carsten Institute in NYC! The girls there are awesome!
This hair has given me a sassy edge that I didn't have before. When I went back for a trim 6 weeks later, the girl went a little scissor-happy and just when I thought my hair couldn't get shorter, I walked out of there looking like Mia Farrow from Rosemary's Baby. But when I rocked that super short haircut at an event in Philly two weeks later, I was looking pretty hot. It really went well with this beautiful Igigi dress I am wearing (you can find that dress here)


Think I stopped there? Nope. Your girl is on a roll here. I went to Canada last month and visited a friend who is a former hairstylist. She colored my hair and gave me a haircut. Best part of it...she put purple sections in my hair.


This hair just gives me life. And I think I am going to keep it for a while. I hate that the pixie cut craze has now taken off since I like to be different and not run with the in crowd. I cut my hair just before Beyonce cut hers and started the trend. I think I look better anyway. And what!

So, Ladies, want to change your life? Cut your hair. Coco knew what she was talking about.

L to R: Dress by Beth Ditto for Evans UK; Bird Print Dress From eShakti; Lace Dress from Dots, Bow Belt from Torrid & Leopard Print leggings from Simply Be

Me wearing my animal print dress (gasps!) from Addition Elle at FFF Week 2012

I don’t know who wrote this mythical rule book of what a big girl can’t wear but I’d like to find that person, buy them a cup of coffee and explain to them how their rules are the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. That's why I call it mythical... all those rules are MYTHS. And as I school this person on fashion, I would be sitting there, rocking the most FABULOUS polka dot dress with shoes to match.

We live in a society that continues to restrict us and police us on what we should and shouldn’t wear. And this has made the world a very critical place. So I know it takes a lot of courage to remain true to your style and walk out into a world where you will surely be stared at, talked about and criticized. Believe me, I know this all too well. You learn to develop an armor against these things because you have to ask yourself, what’s more important, your happiness or theirs? Shoot, I like being happy so I’m going to wear all sorts of prints until the day I die. To me, being true to yourself is the epitome of what being fearless is all about. And this includes expressing yourself through fashion and individual style.

Me at 6 yrs old, showing my fierceness

My print fascination began as a child. I was born in the 70’s so I blame and thank my mother for my print obsession. I grew up during a time where bell bottoms were in style and no color or print was off limits. As you can see, I rocked with what I was given and that, my friends, is the beginning of me as a fashionista owning my own style with attitude and confidence.

As I got older, my love for prints and bold colors grew, despite being told that I had to wear black to look thinner and that prints made me look fatter. That confused me as I thought I looked fabulous.

Over the years, my love for prints remained. Even when a friend told me I looked like a whale (she is no longer a friend) or recently, when a close friend told me that I made a mistake wearing that polka dot dress because it made me look pregnant. Some people mean well but I honestly think if they heard themselves in a playback, they would be mortified. See, this is the critical world we live in. Everyone has an opinion and will give it at a moment’s notice. But it is our choice to listen and let it affect our style. We always have a choice, people. I choose to continue to rock my prints with a wide smile on my face and head up high. I believe I am fabulous and know it. Once you believe in your fabulousness, no one else’s words can break through that armor.

Here's that dress I supposedly look pregnant in (from Simply Be)... NOT. Side note: I love that we are all wearing prints!

So, to that person who wrote that rule book, let me tell you something. When it comes to fashion, rules are made to be broken. Because fashion is subjective. Fashion is who you are and what you love to wear. Fashion is not something that can be defined with rules and kept in a box. Fashion is you. What we should be talking about is how to choose items that emphasize your style and make you feel good. You know when you put something on, if it's right or not.

I know that many of us don't wear certain things out of fear. But once you conquer that fear by choosing to take small steps and introducing each item at a time into your wardrobe, you will build that confidence that will inspire you to continue on your fashion journey.

Just because you're rocking a big body does not mean you can't love aspects of it to the point of wanting to show it off. I love that I have an hourglass figure. I love my waist, my hips, my booty, all of that. I will admit that I am not a fan of my upper arms but I am working through that by wearing shorter sleeves and going shorter with baby steps.

From L to R: Leopard dress from Torrid, Sweater from Lane Bryant; Floral dress from Old Navy; Eyelash print top from ASOS; Bird Print dress from Simply Be

What counts is that you try. No one will adore and love your body more than you will. And that is the key to unleashing that inner fashionista and being true to your style. Whether it's prints, bold colors or even MC Hammer pants, do you. If it feels right and you love it, go for it!

Affatshionista:  SWAK Red Cherry Dress Size 5X Review
Fatshion Peepshow:  Push The Little Daisies... Fat Girl Flower Power
The Valerie Gallery:  Perfect Prints, Right?
Color me Fatt:  Fat Girls Can
The Fat Girl:  Black, White and Red All Over
It’s Melicious:  Falltivest
Plump Up the Frock:  Prints? Absolutely.
Lis Finds Bliss:  Prints En Kimono
Harper Valley Vlog:  Big Gals Can Wear Prints

Banner: Elizabeth Tamny

Ladies (and Gentlemen too!), fashion is one thing but taking care of your skin and having a nice beauty regimen is necessary in looking fabulous. Keeping it real, I'm 40 and do not look my age at all. Some of it is genetic but most of it comes from me being on my game when it comes to beauty care. Plus, I drink lots of water, don't smoke, and I stay moisturized. So with that said, here's my top 10 beauty must-haves:



1. Philosophy’s The Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash

I have very sensitive dry skin. I’m allergic to Dove soap…that’s how bad it is. I love Philosophy products. This is a great cleanser that is light enough to be used daily but it exfoliates and gets rid of the dead skin cells. That’s a must if you want to have great skin. Like I said, I’m 40 years old so my face and skin speak for itself.

Available at Philosophy.com, $15 - $55

2. Crest 3D White Advanced Vivid Toothpaste

Second to my hair, my teeth are pretty important. When I saw the commercial where Crest boasts that this toothpaste can whiten your teeth in 14 days, I said “Yeah, right!”. But while at Walmart, I'm looking at the box and this woman comes up to me and tells me how great the toothpaste is. That it really did whiten her husband’s teeth in 2 weeks. So whether or not, Miss Thang was a secret Crest employee, I was sold. I paid $3.27 on sale at Walmart. And I am still using it to this day. It does work and I love it. Coffee drinkers rejoice!

Available at Walmart, Target and various drugstores, $3 - $4

3. Nivea A Kiss of Smoothness Hydrating Lip Care, SPF 4

I don’t wear a lot of makeup and I hate having dry lips so lip care with SPF is key for me. For years, I swore by Vaseline Lip Therapy (cherry flavor). I used to get it at the $1 store by the sack, lol. Then one day, I was in the checkout line at Walmart and saw this on the counter next to the candy. I picked one up and have been using it ever since. It’s costs a little more than Vaseline Lip Therapy but I am so in love with it that I am willing to pay an extra $1-$2. It goes on smooth and has no taste. I hate those lip balms that leave a bad taste in your mouth, yuck. I also came across a Buy 1, Get 1 Free coupon in the magazine All For You. So keep your eye out for coupons in All For You, First, Woman's Day and etc.

Available at Walmart: $2.87, Walgreens, CVS: $2.99

4. Carol’s Daughter Almond Cookie Shea Soufflé

This stuff smells soooo good and it moisturizes so well. This works especially well on my hands, which gets so dry especially in the winter. I love the fact that it’s made from all natural ingredients…shea butter, cocoa butter, sweet almond oil, and jojoba oil. It’s a bit pricey for me but I signed up for their emails and when they have coupons available, I’m on it. I stocked up last month when they did a 40% off their entire site promo.

Available at Carol's Daughter: 4oz, $13

5. Neutrogena Make-up Remover Cleansing Towelettes

I do wear light makeup occasionally and I am obsessed with keeping my skin clean. So I love these towelettes when removing my makeup at the end of the day. They’re gentle so I don’t breakout and they moisturize too. Secret save tip: CVS and Walmart sell their version/brand of these towelettes for about $2-3 cheaper.

Available at CVS: $7.99 (CVS brand: $5.99)

6. Philosophy The Supernatural Poreless, Flawless SPF Tinted Primer

I have pale skin and I tend to burn so I always wear sunblock. I came upon this product on Philosophy and decided to give it a try. It’s a moisturizer, has SPF and is tinted. It’s great to wear under my foundation or sometimes I wear it alone. It goes on light and I just love how it evens out my skin tone. I sometimes have red patchy areas so this makes my skin look great. It’s kind of pricey so I usually stock up when I have a coupon. Plus, despite the tube being small, it lasts a long time because you don’t have to use too much to cover your face.

Available at Philosophy.com: $30

7. GVP Products

I was turned on to the GVP line at Sally Beauty by my hairdresser. GVP stands for Generic Version Product and basically they are the generic versions of expensive products. It’s basically beauty knockoffs and I love it! For example, there’s a GVP version of Nexxus Humectress Conditioner (GVP is $5.99, Nexxus is $22). When you look at the ingredients, it’s the same. You’re really just paying more for the Nexxus name. They even have a GVP flat iron that is comparable to a CHI. I’m a recessionista so I have no problem buying GVP items. And from what I heard, these products are used in beauty salons. Yes, Girl. And you probably didn’t even know the difference!

There are two GVP items that I swear by. First, I love the GVP Leave-in Treatment, which is the generic version of Sebastian Potion 9. This is a great leave-in conditioner that I put in my hair right after I wash it. I blow-dry my hair straight so this makes my hair silky and bouncy. The other item is the GVP Mega Shaping Spray, which is the generic version of Sebastian Shaper Mega Hair Spray. I swear by this hair spray because while it gives your hair some hold, it does not make it stiff so you can continue to style your hair and it stays in place. You can buy these products online or in your nearest Sally Beauty store. And secret tip, if you know a hairdresser, they get a 10% discount. Shhhh…. ;)

Available at Sally Beauty:
GVP Leave-in Treatment 6.8oz: $5.00 (compare to Sebastian Potion 9, 5.1oz $13)

GVP Mega Shaping Spray 10 fl oz: $9.49 (compare to Sebastian Shaper Mega Hair Spray, 10.6 fl oz $17 - 20)

8. Vaseline Cocoa Butter Deep Conditioning line

I love the products in this line from Vaseline. The lotion is great…very light and moisturizing. The body oil is great. It’s all great, lol. AND very affordable. You can find them at Walmart, Target, CVS, and even on Amazon.com.

Cocoa Butter Extra Care Deep Conditioning Cream, $4.29, Drugstore.com
Cocoa Butter Deep Conditioning Lotion, $5.24 on sale, CVS.com
Cocoa Butter Vitalizing Gel Body Oil, $5.62 on sale, CVS.com
Cocoa Butter Soothing Body Butter, $12.19, Amazon.com

9. PedEgg Pro Pedicure Foot File

I usually don’t do many infomercial products (Pajama Jeans, really?) but I love my PedEgg. It really works. I also use a pumice stone in the shower but not all the time. The PedEgg makes a whole world of difference. I mean, who wants rough feet. ‘Nuff said.

I have the old one without a handle but I have heard the new one is great too.

Available at Drugstore.com:
Without the handle: $6.99
With the handle: $12.99

10. Bath & Body Works PocketBac Sanitizing Gel

I live in NYC and use the subway often. There are so many germs from touching the poles, doors, etc. Also, just being out and about, you forget what you’re touching and then you touch your face or other areas and don’t realize it (yikes). So I am become a fan of anti-bacterial gel. Bath & Body Works has this great product that is not only anti-bacterial gel but also moisturizes and smells good. I buy the travel sizes (usually they’re 5 for $5) and always have one in my purse while I’m on the go. I love the Peach Bellini and Fresh Market Apple scents. So you are killing germs and making your hands smell good and feel soft at the same time. Love it!

Available at Bath & Body Works (online and in-store): $1.50 for 1 or 5 for $5

So what are your beauty must-haves?