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Showing posts with label Being Fearless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Being Fearless. Show all posts
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Happy New Year, my favorite people! Now that the holidays are over and a new year is upon us, we can exhale and move forward. The holidays are tough for a lot of folks, me included. But we made it. We're still standing.
January is a big month for diet companies and gyms. They come at us hard with this whole 'New Year New Me' message and they make a ton of money, profitting over people buying into this notion that we have to lose weight to have a better year ahead.
I am all for people doing what they want with their bodies and I am also a big believer in movement for ALL bodies. But I also want to stress that your body, regardless of its size and shape, is incredible NOW. Our bodies enable us to live, even when we have limited mobility and disabilities. We are still able to breathe and experience life in the best way we can. I am not here to judge because I believe we are all works of art as we are right now.
I was reading a post on IG where the author was talking about how we focus on losing in the New Year, when we really should be focusing on gains. And that just made a lightbulb in my head turn on. I am a big believer in turning negatives into positives because changing my mindset has changed my life and gotten me thru some of the hardest moments I have ever experienced.
So this year, I am going to focus on what I gain while giving myself grace to know that I shouldn't overload myself with a long list of what I want to do and set myself up for failure. I am training myself to slow down and focus on 1 to 2 things at a time so I can follow through and get things done. I find when I focus on a zillion things (which is how my busy brain works), I tend to not finish everything I started and it gets so frustrating. I feel defeated and then give up entirely.
Yes, I know it's hard to believe as many people think I am someone who has my shit completely together but in all honesty, I have my moments too. I plan to create to-do lists every 3 months that are short and doable but things that I want to do and know I can follow thru on. It may be simple tasks like crocheting a dress for my niece but working on a project like that takes time, patience and consistency, which are things I want to strengthen within myself.
The biggest lesson I learned last year was the importance of showing up for myself and others. Showing up for myself meant:
- Being proactive in my self care, including taking care of my body physically by continuing to find a doctor that gets me and adding more joyful movement in my life to help with my lymphedema, as well as make me feel better and stronger.
- Being my own advocate and not being afraid to speak up for myself
- Being kind to myself and not beating myself over saying no or not doing something that I didn't feel comfortable doing (sometimes it's good to go out of your comfort zone but if you feel it's really not right, it ain't right.)
- Listen to my gut/inner voice. It is never wrong.
- Doing something nice for myself daily, even if it was something as simple as painting my nails, watching one of my favorite movies, giving someone an authentic compliment or holler on social media to let them know they are giving me life (lol) or even giving a hug to my 4-yr old niece Ashley and watching Paw Patrol with her.
- The more things you do for yourself that make you happy will build your self love and make you look forward to being present for more moments to come. It will also make you feel grateful for those moments and your life. It will remind you that you do have positive things in your life that can make you happy. Gratitude is a great way to be reminded that life is not all bad.
- Following through on things I start because it will remind me of the importance of honoring my commitments to myself and others.
Going into 2023, I am still working on this - I am a work in progress. What counts is that I am trying.
I am also someone who believes in helping people, including clothing swaps and donations. I want to manifest that into larger scale things where I am reaching more folks, mainly my plus size sisters/brothers/persons over a size 3X because we are often overlooked in so many sectors that limit us in accessing things we need for everyday life. (If anyone out there wants to partner up, pls message me!)
I also want to be open to new relationships and engaging more with people but I am treading carefully since this is not my norm. Venturing into new territory is scary but I am doing it one step at a time, while giving myself grace. I have met some incredible people in my life and want to reconnect with them.
That's all we can do for ourselves, one day at a time. We only have one life to live and after losing so many loved ones, grief and loss have taught me to appreciate my own life more. This is how I honor them... by honoring myself.
So this year, my goals are not weight loss or being a new me. My goals are what I can gain in my life to be happier, have more peace and live in gratitude as I am right now because I am pretty awesome just as I am.
If you want to lose weight, do you. You do what makes you truly happy. But just know that just because your outer changes, doesn't mean your inner will. You are YOU and that is an amazing thing. You just have to see that for yourself and lean into your beauty and who you are at whatever stage of your journey you're on.
The world is always waiting for me and for you... it is up to us to take that first step and see what's out there meant for us.
Comment or email me if you need inspiration or a quick holler. I got you! 2023, here we come!
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~ Marcy xo
“If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone.” – Maxwell Maltz
Recently, I checked something off my bucket list. I booked myself a room on the Queen Mary 2 transatlantic cruise liner, going Westbound from Southampton, UK to NYC for next May. It'll be my first time on a cruise and of course, I had to go BIG.
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| My attitude now - tee from Fashion to Figure (old) |
As someone who has spent most of her life more single than boo-ed up, I could never get on a cruise because single supplements were out of my budget. All my friends have significant others and I am always the odd one out. Thankfully Cunard, who owns the QM2, recently added single rooms to the ship and the price is comparable to a double occupancy room. They're also very accommodating to solo travelers and will give you tailored itineraries daily, offering you the choice to go at it alone or mingle with other guests at meals and activities. Go Cunard! Read more here.
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| The Britannia Single Oceanview Room, which I booked - Photo: Cunard |
Traveling solo is actually something that I love doing. It's just something empowering about going somewhere by yourself and having that freedom to do things on your time. You get to do what you want, when you want at where you want. There's places I want to go to that my friends have no interest in visiting such as the Antarctic Peninsula and Easter Island.
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| First time showing off my upper arms in Los Angeles - California Dreaming Mural |
But as someone who suffers from generalized anxiety disorder, traveling solo has pushed me beyond my self-imposed limits. Sometimes I win and sometimes I don't. But it has not stopped me from traveling. I have learned to not let my anxiety limit me in seeing the world. I also learned that traveling my way may look different but it is still okay.
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| My first solo trip in 1998 - Martinique |
What I mean by that is I travel at my own pace and don't feel like I have to adhere to a certain schedule or see certain places because everyone else has. As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy. It's so easy to get caught up in the word of social media and feel that FOMO. But you have to ask yourself, is it what you truly want? Because in all honesty, you don't see the behind the scenes happenings on social media. The true things happening behind the pic or video - are they truly enjoying that moment or just trying to get the perfect pic to pretend they are? We'll never know but that's okay because what matters is what makes YOU happy. And that may look different than what your favorite influencer is doing.
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| Cancun |
Your life is your life. And you should live every single minute the way you want. This is what traveling has taught me. For me, that also means, not feeling a way about asking for a selt belt extender or having to use a wheelchair at times at the airport if my legs hurt from my lymphedema. I tell myself, I will probably never see these people again so if they want to stare, have at it. If I see someone recording me on their phone, I start recording them and let them know that. I grew tired of feeling like it was my fault and being upset, which affected my trip. It's their problem, not mine. So I refuse to carry their burdens and let it weigh me down and affect my traveling experience.
I remember being in the emergency room last summer for an extreme nose bleed from getting whacked in the face by accident by a flying suitcase falling from my closet (another story, for another day, lol). And as I was getting checked in, the person at the desk yelled out to me, "How much do you weigh?" as I sat in a room full of people. I yelled back to her "That's not appropriate to ask someone that loudly in front of other people because it's my business. If you want to know, you can ask me when I am in a private room, waiting to be seen by a doctor and you can ask me, not yell at me." She actually came out and apologized, saying she didn't realize as she was rushing to check multiple people in.
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| Before I climbed 268 steps to touch Big Buddha - Po Lin Monastery, Lantau Island, China |
Sometimes you have to let people know that it's not right to treat people a certain way. Periodt. This is something I think about when I travel and have to deal with rude flight attendants (which I am happy to say has been rare) and people acting funny if they have to sit next to me. Their problem, not mine. And I have learned to not be afraid to speak up and advocate for myself. But it does take time to build up the courage to do, I won't front. One day at a time.
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| Venice |
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| Champ Élysées in Paris |
No, not anymore. I learned how to turn on my mental blinders and just be unbothered. It took a long time to make that a habit but being fearless doesn't happen in a day. However, if you commit to it and try one day at a time, it becomes the norm for you. You take your power back and trust me when I say, it feels so good. You feel free. You don't hear the comments or see the stares. You just live in the moment where it's just you enjoying your life. Because at the end of the day, you can't force someone not to stare or change others. But you can change how you react to the situation and how you let it affect you. This is a reminder I tell myself on the daily.
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| Going out to dinner in Anaheim, California |
With this way of thought, I feel like I can do anything and go anywhere. I admit, I may have days where I am anxious about leaving my hotel room by myself but I work on taking that first step out. If I don't, that's okay. I give myself grace and don't beat myself up over it. And sometimes, I may end up leaving the room later in the day or maybe just venturing out into the hotel. Any step out of the room is a win.
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| At the Su-Style Expo in San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I'm not perfect. No one is perfect. But you are you. And you are worthy of living your best life and that includes traveling and seeing different places. And how that adventure looks to you is for YOU, no one else. If you never want to leave the country, that's okay. Explore your country. Explore your city, your state, your province. You do YOU.
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| Grand Canyon SkyWalk |
That's what traveling solo has shown me. It has helped me to become a better person, ultimately living a better life where I continue to grow and heal.
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| Roaming the streets of Paris |
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| Drinking at a tequila farm outside of the pyramids at Teotihuacan |
My QM2 adventure is still 9 months away but I cannot tell you how excited I am. Am I terrified about getting on a cruise liner by myself and being at sea for 8 days straight, crossing the Atlantic. HELL YES. But will I let that stop me from going? HELL NO. Shoot, I'm already planning my outfits. And I plan to live my best life during that trip, one day at a time.
Do you love to travel or want to travel more? Where do you want to go? Let me know in the comments below or on social media. I'd love to chat about it! xo, Marcy
"We make a good team, my Adidas and me
We get around together, rhyme forever
And we won't be mad when worn in bad weather" ~ My Adidas, Run DMC
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| Photographer: Daryl Johnson |
And I am known for my love for Adidas.
To me, the sneaker world is so different than the plus size world. I'm a size 9, which in the shoe world, is considered a "normal" size. Much different than my experience in the plus size fashion world as a size 26/28.
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| Photographer: Sandra Negron - La Pecosa Preciosa / Dress: Modcloth |
Sneakers are that happy thing in my life where I don't feel excluded or unwanted as a customer. I walk into a sneaker store and I feel like I belong. No one judges me on my size and I can just shop like everyone else.
But it's not just that.
While it's great to feel "normal" for a change, sneakers are also a part of my DNA. They've allowed me to express myself even more.
Want to know a secret? I used to just wear sneakers in my everyday world and never really included them in my fashion "work" world. I was made to feel like they didn't belong in that world because I used to spend a ton of time comparing myself to other people and trying to fit into their world.
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| Photographer: Jessica Milagros / Custom camo jeans: 2B Continued Denim Boutique |
But then four years ago, I suffered a foot injury where the podiatrist dropped some major gems on me, when it came to foot care. One of those gems was how important it is to wear the right shoes. Sure, heels and flats are cute and stylish but in my case, they were making my feet worse. My arches had collapsed and I developed plantar fasciitis.
I had to wear a boot to bed every night for 2 months and I also had to wear a custom insole in my shoes. Doctor said sneakers are key and I needed to find those that fit well too.
I then decided to break all the fashion rules and incorporate sneakers into my fashion world. And guess what???? Years later, sneakers have now become fashionable where everyone now seems to be wearing them to fashion events too!
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| Photographer: Hal Harrison / Custom rosette dress: 2B Continued Denim Boutique |
Me letting go of comparing myself to others and being true to myself and my style made me feel stronger, more fearless and free. That's what sneakers represent for me. I can be myself and my feet thank me for that.
I like to be creative and think outside the box when it comes to choosing which sneakers to wear in the fashion world. And Adidas is one of those brands that allows me to experiment with different looks.
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| Photographer: Madeline Jones / Outfit: Fashion to Figure |
So I feel I have come full circle in my life. It's powerful when you realize you can be truly you and wear what you want, once you decide to be fearless enough to be you.
We already know it's a radical thing to exist in a fat body and be happy in a world that thinks we shouldn't be.
But to wear what you want and be true to your style no matter what anyone else is doing or wearing? Man, that's a feeling that will make you feel incredible and happy no matter what your size.
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| Photographer: Madeline Jones / Top: Feminine Funk, Jeans: Lane Bryant |
With that said, high-quality sneakers (and shoes!) are not cheap and are truly an investment piece. That's why every year, I wait for Black Friday, Cyber Monday and the overall holiday shopping season to get my shop on for myself and the family.
Here's some of the sneakers I have my eye on this shopping season!
This will get me prepped for 2020 and I can't wait!!! Happy Shopping AND here's to being authentically you and wearing what you want. Life is short and I want to live to love another day, with my Adidas on.
FYI: This is not a sponsored post. I just love Adidas.
Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience. ~ Victoria Holt
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| Jacket [LINK] and Snoopy tee [LINK]: Torrid |
A week ago, I got back from Atlanta where I was honored for an award for empowering and inspiring others through my work. Before that, I was in Cancun, Mexico for a fit modeling gig. And I recently got signed to State Management as a size 26+ fit model. I'm sitting here, as I type this, still in shock that this is my life.
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| Dress: LOFT via Gwynnie Bee [LINK] |
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| Dress: Yours Clothing UK [LINK] |
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| Swimsuit: Boutique + for JC Penney [LINK] // Sarong: Always For Me [LINK] |
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| My first fit job at Universal Standard |
At one point in my life, I would ask over and over again, "Why me?" I felt like I couldn't catch a break and bad things were happening back to back. I thought to myself, "How much more can I take before I crumble?" Well, the answer to that was, I can take A LOT and going through that time in my life tested my strength and showed me what a fierce warrior I was.
Simply because I didn't give up.
I decided to keep pushing and strive for better things in my life. It wasn't easy and I'm still in therapy 4 years later. BUT... my life has done a 180 degree turn and I have to say, life is good. Not perfect but I know how to roll with the the bad times now. If I can get through the worst of times, I can get through the bad ones.
I kicked off 2018 with two video opportunities, both denim features, for Glamour Magazine and Refinery 29.
You can view the Refinery29 video here.
While both videos were about showing different bodies wearing jeans, the Glamour one was a hit with over 3 million views where we are all wearing the same jeans from Old Navy. In the Refinery29 video, it was all about our favorite jeans and why.
What I loved the most about both videos is that it not only allowed me to be seen but also it gave me the platform to speak to women about loving themselves and wearing what they love.
We all given a voice and we choose how to use it. I haven't always spoken up but now I know better.
I'm now officially a size 28 fit model for Mexican comtemporary brand Generose and have already worked with Universal Standard to fit their extended sizes collection. Being a fit model has taught me that change is possible and I see the shift happening in the industry. However, I have to speak up and be an advocate for those women in these spaces too.
I'm starting to see that life is an exciting ride and I am embracing that now, more than ever.
So, yes, life doesn't always go as planned but it all works out in the end. I am proof of that.
Next up, I shot another Glamour Magazine video coming soon, heading back to Cancun for more fittings and helping with an event happening there in the fall, prepping for Full Figured Fashion Week and pitching for more public speaking gigs.
Life is good, even if it hasn't gone the way I planned. Stay tuned!
"I am recognizing that the voice inside my head is urging me to be myself but never follow someone else." ~ Q-Tip, "Steve Biko (Stir it Up)"
For years, I wore the wrong size. I thought I was larger than I was AND I had been fed that notion growing up that wearing baggy clothing would hide my fat and draw less attention from the world. I used to lie about my size because I was ashamed to be a size 24 and wore clothing that was a size 30/32 in order to hide my body.
For me, those days of hiding and lying about my size are over. I'm still on my journey to complete self love and I know that journey is a lifetime commitment.
Now I'm a size 26/28 and I don't lie about it. I embrace it because it is me and honestly, my size does not dictate my worth in anything. My clothes fit me better -- I mean, how amazing do I look in those Lane Bryant jeans in the above pic? Baggy jeans were not a good look for me. I'm daring to step out of my comfort zone more and wearing different styles - the more fashion I try and love, the more my confidence builds.
AND... my size has actually been my strength and worked for me in a positive way. It has helped me with this blog and reaching other women who need inspiration and empowerment from someone who they resonate with. It has helped me get signed as an extended sizes fit model with State Management, it has helped me stand out in the influencer space and it has taught me how to use my voice to make change in the world.
However, these days, I am now seeing women (including bloggers) lie about their size and saying they are smaller. I see them squeezing into clothing that doesn't fit well. And it confuses me because it's evident that the clothing is too tight and ill fitting, as well as the wearer not looking super comfortable.
Girl. Why are you doing that to yourself?
I'm all for people wearing what they want but I also want to inspire women to embrace who they are, including their size. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all beautiful in our own right, no matter your size, age, gender, race and etc.
I want women to proudly wear their size and not think twice about it. I want them to not get caught up in the number and focus on being comfortable in what they choose to wear. Why? Because then you will feel good and will feel more comfortable and strong, wearing something that fits well, isn't stopping your breathing and squeezing the life out of you.
Another reason I personally don't get caught up in sizes anymore is because it is so inconsistent across the board. I wear a size 22 in ASOS, a size XXL (24) in City Chic, a 26 in LOFT, a 28 in Lane Bryant, and so on. Shoot, sometimes I have worn a size 5X at Gwynnie Bee! If I let all that get to my head, I would lose it.
So I shop by my measurements and wear what I love. I wear styles that enhance my curves, lumps and bumps. I know my body shape and know what looks good on me. I wear clothing that I feel good in and that includes those "taboo" styles like a body con dress, a crop top, shorts and leggings. As long as I feel good and love how it looks on me, I wear it.
If you love how that extra tight smaller size looks on, then I will be quiet and let you live. But it does sadden me that some women feel like they have to lie about their size, their weight and all of that vanity stuff because we do those things for others; to seek validation from others.
At the end of the day, we shouldn't be dependent on the validation of others because what counts is the validation we give ourselves.
The most important relationship you can have in life is the one you have with yourself. That relationship will determine how the other relationships in your life will go. And if you can't keep it real with yourself, how will you do so in other relationships?
Some food for thought...
Life is short. Be proud of you and all you have been able to do in your life in your body. Size ain't nothing but a number and has nothing to do with your beauty and what you bring to the world. There is only 1 you in the world so why not celebrate that?
"You gotta have the mindstate like: 'I'm so great,' and can't nobody do it like you do. Miraculous, phenomenal and ain't nobody in here stopping you." ~ Remy Ma, "Conceited"
How Visiting The New Adidas Store in Chicago Was a Form of Self Care For Me
Saturday, October 28, 2017
"Find what makes your heart sing and create your own music." ~ Mac Anderson
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| Jacket: Melissa McCarthy Seven7 via Gwynnie Bee / Tee: Torrid / Pants: 2 B Continued Jeans |
How An All-Girls Staycation Weekend Reminded Me To Be Present in the Moment
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Every day is a reminder to accept myself as I am. ~ Molly Tarlov
This year, my 47th birthday fell on a Saturday. That had to be a sign, right? The last few birthdays I spent feeling sad that my dad and brother were not here in the physical sense to celebrate with me. And I also made plans that I never followed through with.
I always want to be THAT person who hangs out with friends on my birthday or walks in on a surprise birthday party that friends organized for me. But it never happened. I learned over the years that I had to be accountable for that because I wasn't always present or put myself out there to build those relationships with others.
This year, when I mentioned that to my blogger sister Nanthale of N.E.C. Style, she came up with this wonderful idea to have a girls only staycation and do it during my birthday weekend.
I was down but nervous. It would be a group of six of us and while I had hung out with four of the other five girls in the group, I have never been one to hang out with a large group of women before and this was for two days!
But we did it and I have to say, I am very surprised at myself. This weekend was life-changing for me.
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| Nanthale, Brooke, Me, Marlena, Jonquel & Fabiola |
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| Marlena from Big City, Curvy Girl, Thin Wallet gifted me with the most amazing crown to wear during my birthday weekend. |
Day #1 kicked off at the Metropolitan Museum of Art where we did the #MuseumHack Badass Bitches Tour. Museum Hack offers what they call "renegade museum adventures in NYC, DC, SF, LA, and Chicago".
The tour was super dope and our guide Sara was the best. We learned that only 6% of the art in the museum was created by women (I know, damn!) and we also learned more about fun things like vaginas and how bootys were considered magical.
Seriously, I loved this tour because it was a feminist's dream. It was inspiring, empowering and very eye-opening. There are so many women like Audrey Munson (America's first Supermodel), who changed history and are still not given major recognition.
It was a great way to see the Met from a different point of view. We also had a blast from mirrored ceilings in the elevators to taking fun pictures and laughing a lot.
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| Us posting with Sara, our awesome tour guide (lower left) |
We also met Lilith, Adam's first wife before Eve, who became a demon who steals babies in the darkness. Yeah, it was creepy. Sara said that the statue is moved periodically along the wall so it never stays in one place.
I highly recommend doing this tour if you're interested in learning more about the history of women in art and female artists.
Best part of the tour was when Sara asked Brooke what her name was for the name tag and she said "Cardi" as in Cardi B. LOL!
Plus, Sara also works at The Meatball Shop location on 76th St and 2nd Avenue and she told us to stop by with our name tags and we'd get a free ice sandwich, which we did. Fresh baked cookies and in-house made ice cream... yes, please!
We ended the day with dinner and a movie at iPic Theaters in downtown Manhattan at Fulton Market. We thought it was fitting to see Girls Trip. I had never been to a theater that had pod seating and was a bit scared I wouldn't fit but I did and it was super comfortable!
I decided to go full-on cute and comfy for my birthday, wearing this amazing Chelsea Studio Smocked Knit Dress from Woman Within via fullbeauty.com. I ended up wearing my Adidas sneakers after the museum tour because my feet were killing me but it was so worth it.
Special thanks to fullbeauty for the pretty birthday dress and to the Met for the tour as well as the ice cream sandwich at The Meatball Shop. I had such an amazing time and it showed me that I can be present in a group of women and be myself. That's the most magical gift I received on my birthday.
Stay tuned for Day #2 of this All-Girls Staycation Weekend to come on the blog on Saturday!
Want to hear more about this magical day? Click on the links below to read about it on Nanthale's, Marlena's and Brooke's blogs:
Fabiola: #BloggerBooStaycation Part 1
Jonquel: Girl Staycation Weekend! Day 1
You can shop my dress here at fullbeauty.com.
Year 47 is looking to be amazing so far!
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