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Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Happy New Year, my favorite people! Now that the holidays are over and a new year is upon us, we can exhale and move forward. The holidays are tough for a lot of folks, me included. But we made it. We're still standing.
January is a big month for diet companies and gyms. They come at us hard with this whole 'New Year New Me' message and they make a ton of money, profitting over people buying into this notion that we have to lose weight to have a better year ahead.
I am all for people doing what they want with their bodies and I am also a big believer in movement for ALL bodies. But I also want to stress that your body, regardless of its size and shape, is incredible NOW. Our bodies enable us to live, even when we have limited mobility and disabilities. We are still able to breathe and experience life in the best way we can. I am not here to judge because I believe we are all works of art as we are right now.
I was reading a post on IG where the author was talking about how we focus on losing in the New Year, when we really should be focusing on gains. And that just made a lightbulb in my head turn on. I am a big believer in turning negatives into positives because changing my mindset has changed my life and gotten me thru some of the hardest moments I have ever experienced.
So this year, I am going to focus on what I gain while giving myself grace to know that I shouldn't overload myself with a long list of what I want to do and set myself up for failure. I am training myself to slow down and focus on 1 to 2 things at a time so I can follow through and get things done. I find when I focus on a zillion things (which is how my busy brain works), I tend to not finish everything I started and it gets so frustrating. I feel defeated and then give up entirely.
Yes, I know it's hard to believe as many people think I am someone who has my shit completely together but in all honesty, I have my moments too. I plan to create to-do lists every 3 months that are short and doable but things that I want to do and know I can follow thru on. It may be simple tasks like crocheting a dress for my niece but working on a project like that takes time, patience and consistency, which are things I want to strengthen within myself.
The biggest lesson I learned last year was the importance of showing up for myself and others. Showing up for myself meant:
- Being proactive in my self care, including taking care of my body physically by continuing to find a doctor that gets me and adding more joyful movement in my life to help with my lymphedema, as well as make me feel better and stronger.
- Being my own advocate and not being afraid to speak up for myself
- Being kind to myself and not beating myself over saying no or not doing something that I didn't feel comfortable doing (sometimes it's good to go out of your comfort zone but if you feel it's really not right, it ain't right.)
- Listen to my gut/inner voice. It is never wrong.
- Doing something nice for myself daily, even if it was something as simple as painting my nails, watching one of my favorite movies, giving someone an authentic compliment or holler on social media to let them know they are giving me life (lol) or even giving a hug to my 4-yr old niece Ashley and watching Paw Patrol with her.
- The more things you do for yourself that make you happy will build your self love and make you look forward to being present for more moments to come. It will also make you feel grateful for those moments and your life. It will remind you that you do have positive things in your life that can make you happy. Gratitude is a great way to be reminded that life is not all bad.
- Following through on things I start because it will remind me of the importance of honoring my commitments to myself and others.
Going into 2023, I am still working on this - I am a work in progress. What counts is that I am trying.
I am also someone who believes in helping people, including clothing swaps and donations. I want to manifest that into larger scale things where I am reaching more folks, mainly my plus size sisters/brothers/persons over a size 3X because we are often overlooked in so many sectors that limit us in accessing things we need for everyday life. (If anyone out there wants to partner up, pls message me!)
I also want to be open to new relationships and engaging more with people but I am treading carefully since this is not my norm. Venturing into new territory is scary but I am doing it one step at a time, while giving myself grace. I have met some incredible people in my life and want to reconnect with them.
That's all we can do for ourselves, one day at a time. We only have one life to live and after losing so many loved ones, grief and loss have taught me to appreciate my own life more. This is how I honor them... by honoring myself.
So this year, my goals are not weight loss or being a new me. My goals are what I can gain in my life to be happier, have more peace and live in gratitude as I am right now because I am pretty awesome just as I am.
If you want to lose weight, do you. You do what makes you truly happy. But just know that just because your outer changes, doesn't mean your inner will. You are YOU and that is an amazing thing. You just have to see that for yourself and lean into your beauty and who you are at whatever stage of your journey you're on.
The world is always waiting for me and for you... it is up to us to take that first step and see what's out there meant for us.
Comment or email me if you need inspiration or a quick holler. I got you! 2023, here we come!
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~ Marcy xo
"Grief is never something you get over. You don't wake up one morning and say, 'I've conquered that; now I'm moving on.' It's something that walks beside you every day. And if you can learn how to manage it and honor the person that you miss, you can take something that is incredibly sad and have some form of positivity." ~ Terri Irwin
Today marks 8 years since my dad died.
And it still feels like yesterday.
8 years may seem like a LONG time. But when you lose someone of this magnitude, time holds no meaning. I can still remember getting that call, finding out that he was gone. He was only 61.
But I also remember his laugh, his deep voice calling me "Marce" and the gap between his two front teeth. I remember his smile and how he always looked at me with such pride. I was his only daughter, his oldest child and I was a reflection of him through my personality and spirit.
I have his eyes, nose and chin. I inherited his love for baseball and the gift of gab. When he walked into a room, he owned it in a way where people were drawn to him and his light. He had kind eyes but a strong presence. He was simply, a quiet storm and anyone who has ever met him, never forgot him.
He always left a lasting impression wherever he went.
I cherished those times we'd spend hours walking around Home Depot, him showing me various tools and giving me tips or how-to's on building things from shelves to even installing my own light fixtures.
I lived for our movie moments... he exposed my brother and I to the art of cinema and we watched everything from old spaghetti westerns to action movies. He'd take us to the triple feature in Times Square where my brother and I fell in love with old school kung fu flicks from the Shaw Brothers.
Every Easter, he would make my brother and I sit through King of Kings, which was one of his favorite Biblical films. At the time, we were so annoyed (that movie is LONG) but now every Easter, I watch it with a new appreciation.
My dad loved music... some days he'd be rocking out to some Jimi Hendrix and some days, he'd be sitting in the dark, listening to Barbra Streisand. I still cry when I hear the Commodores' Easy because I can hear his deep voice singing along to it.
I miss talking to him the most. He was my mentor and advisor. He always knew the right things to say or do. And he reminded me of my greatness. So when he died, I felt lost. How was I to move on if he wasn't here in the physical sense. Who would help guide me on my life's journey?
Through loss (my brother would die 3 years later and then my oldest niece, his daughter, would die 7 years later), I was forced to find my voice on my own and realize my greatness. And that is a gift my dad left behind for me that is more valuable than anything else.
I'm sure he knew I would be okay without him and I would not be shocked to find out that that was part of his final thoughts as he laid in pain on the side of the NJ Turnpike, 12 miles out of the Lincoln Tunnel.
But I had to learn that on my own. I learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was. And I learned that it is possible to realize your greatness during bad times.
I've been through A LOT in the last 8 years. But I have also accomplished a lot. I continue to hear his voice in my ear, edging me along on this path. Now I have my brother pushing me and my niece.
It's not easy but I commit to taking it one day at a time. I'm still mourning my niece who has only been gone 7 months and sometimes it is overwhelming to grieve for 3 people. But I push through.
So on this day, I cry, I feel so heartbroken and I'm so sad. But I also feel hopeful and proud of how far I have come. I know he is proud of me. Grief is something that holds no timetable and it's a different journey for everyone. I try to stay focused on channeling my grief into something positive. Some days I am a mess and some days, I am winning.
But one thing I do know, I'm still standing. My heart hurts. But I am still here.
I love you, Daddy. And I miss you very much. You will never be forgotten.
"Art isn’t something you need an outside license or a paycheck to pursue. It’s a way of life. It’s a way of adding up what you feel and where you’ve been and what you fear and what you can imagine. It’s a way of seeing your life through a lens that makes everything — good and bad, confusing and clarifying, uplifting and depressing — valuable." - Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly 11/28/18
I stumbled upon the Ask Polly column on The Cut.com a few months ago while sick with the flu and to say it blew my mind is an understatement.
The author Heather Havrilesky answers letters weekly under the name Polly and honestly, some of the topics she tackles are deep and thought-provoking.
In the column titled ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’, she advises 'Haunted', who has written in about how disappointed she is in her life, haunted by the things she had set out to accomplish in life but at the age of 35, feels she has accomplished nothing.
Haunted has moved many times to different cities, traveled, had relationships and jobs. She is currently unhappy with her current job and is at a point where she is tired. She has tons of debt, no friends, single and no children. And the kicker? She's a writer.
I said out loud to myself, "Am I reading something from myself?"
I used to be Haunted, literally and figuratively. In the past, I have said many times how I felt like I have not accomplished what I set out to do in my life. I'm now in my late 40's and never married or had children. I've always felt like I should have done so much at this point of my life. I was haunted by what I didn't do because it made me feel inadequate and at times, worthless.
But this is something that many of us feel. We base our timeline on our age.
We're told that by a certain age, we should have X amount of things done. We should be married. We should have children. We should go to college and/or be set in our careers by a certain age. I could go on. But guess what? Life almost never goes as planned.
"Shame is the opposite of art. When you live inside of your shame, everything you see is inadequate and embarrassing. A lifetime of traveling and having adventures and not being tethered to long-term commitments looks empty and pathetic and foolish, through the lens of shame. You haven’t found a partner. Your face is aging. Your body will only grow weaker. Your mind is less elastic. Your time is running out. Shame turns every emotion into the manifestation of some personality flaw, every casual choice into a giant mistake, every small blunder into a moral failure. Shame means that you’re damned and you’ve accomplished nothing and it’s all downhill from here."When I read that, I was completely mind-blown.
Shame. These feelings I have, they have a name. I never thought of how I was feeling as shame but it is. One of the mantras I live by is change your mindset, change your life. And the difference between living inside your shame versus looking at your shame with an open mind and heart is that you look at life through a different lens, which then determines how you live that life.
Polly goes on to tell Haunted how she can create a new life for herself by simply looking at her shame differently. By not being afraid to accept that while life is not perfect, it can still be wonderful.
"You need to discard some of this shame you’re carrying around all the time. But even if you can’t cast off your shame that quickly, through the lens of art, shame becomes valuable. When you’re curious about your shame instead of afraid of it, you can see the true texture of the day and the richness of the moment, with all of its flaws. You can run your hands along your own self-defeating edges until you get a splinter, and you can pull the splinter out and stare at it and consider it. When you face your shame with an open heart, you’re on a path to art, on a path to finding joy and misery and fear and hope in the folds of your day. Even as your job is slow and dull and pointless, even as your afternoons alone feel treacherous and daunting, you can train your eyes on the low-hanging clouds until a tiny bit of sunlight filters through. You are alive and you will probably be alive for many decades to come. The numbers on your credit-card statements can feel harrowing, but you can take that feeling and keep it company instead of letting it eat you alive. You can walk to the corner store to buy a newspaper and pull out the weekend calendar section and circle something, and make a commitment to do that one thing. You can build a new kind of existence, one that feels small and flawed and honest, but each day you accumulate a kind of treasure that doesn’t disappear. Because instead of running away from the truth, you welcome it in. You don’t treat what you have as pointless. You work with what you have."Havrilesky does an incredible job of issuing advice while being transparent on how she identifies with the person's feelings, including admitting her own flaws. This makes her a real person and not just someone writing a column for a major website who also has a book out. Everyone, even someone like Oprah, has their struggles.
We always tend to look at the end result instead of the journey, when looking at people. So it's easy to compare our lives to theirs and feel some kind of way about their success in comparison to ours.
"When you carry around a suspicion that there’s something sort of embarrassing or pathetic about you, you find ways to project that shame onto completely innocuous things. You find ways to tell yourself that everyone is laughing at you behind your back somewhere, possibly at a party where they are serving beautiful tasty drinks but you weren’t invited. You’re too old now. You’re no longer exciting or important. You don’t matter. You never really did. Shame creates imaginary worlds inside your head. This haunted house you’re creating is forged from your shame. No one else can see it, so you keep trying to describe it to them. You find ways to say, “You don’t want any part of this mess. I’m mediocre, aging rapidly, and poor. Do yourself a favor and leave me behind.” You want to be left behind, though. That way, no one bears witness to what you’ve become. It’s time to come out of hiding. It’s time to step into the light and be seen, shame and wrinkles and failures and fears and all."That last line! I'm done!
This year, my mission is to step into my power. I want to show up more for myself and others. I want to put myself out there more with positive intentions. I want to walk in a room with a positive attitude and be open to what awaits.
Does it scare the shit out of me? Hell yes. But if I am to live out this life of mine as fully as I can, I have to let go of my shame, my past (including past negative stories I told myself) and being afraid of the unknown.
This year has already kicked off amazingly and I keep thinking of my niece. She now watches over me, along with my dad and brother. And I can hear her voice in my ear, saying "Auntie, you got this!"
Typing that out makes the tears flow because she's only been gone 7 months. But as I learned when I lost my dad and then my brother, time does not stand still. Grief is painful but in order to live and keep moving, I have to learn how to carry that pain with me and channel it into something positive.
Honoring their legacy and continuing her work is what drives me. I'm going to be 50 next year but you know what? It's never too late to do whatever is on my life's to-do list. Gray hairs, pre-menopause and all. No wrinkles yet but I am not complaining! LOL!
Here's to living my best life and you living yours at any age. xoxo
"Listening is being able to be changed by the other person." ~Alan Alda
Dealing with grief and the effects of it on my life has taught me many lessons. One of the greatest ones has been to listen more, talk less.
It's so easy to judge someone from your own experiences when they are confiding in you. One of my best friends reminded me of that this morning. We look at the situation from our own perspectives and how we would deal with it, not taking into account that not everyone deals with things in the same way. And we never know the full story; only what is told to us.
Our initial reactions is usually to start talking, offer advice and try to "fix" the problem. We mean well but honestly, ask yourself, have I really listened to the other person? Did they ask me for advice? Or did they just want to be heard?
Most times, it's the latter.
Trust me, when someone wants help, they will ask for it. But many times, many of us make the assumption that if someone confides in us, they want our help. And that is not a correct assumption nine times out of ten.
For me, I yearn to be heard, especially now. I am far from perfect but know my shortcomings. I know where I need to be better and I know what I need to do. But I also yearn to be able to confide in someone and just be heard. Emotions are not easy to keep contained because the weight of them can sometimes be overwhelming. This is why letting go and talking about them feels so amazing. It makes our spirits lighter and it feels good to talk some things out loud and gain more clarity outside of our emotions.
However, this is where you learn the hard way that you can't confide in everyone. And you also have to understand that people are human. Not everyone is a listener. Everyone plays a role in your life and not all are meant to be those who you can confide in.
This holiday season will be a tough one for my family and I since it will be the first one without my niece Teá. For me, I will be completely honest and admit that I struggle but I also take it one day at a time. So for me to be able to lean on those I know I can confide in without them trying to "fix" me is such a welcomed thing.
To be able to talk to someone who doesn't judge you and just listens and offers support is something that is invaluable. With the holiday season being tough for many, having someone to talk to is key.
I am also still in therapy, four years later and I am not ashamed to admit that publicly. Seeking professional help is one of the best things you can do for your self care. There is nothing wrong with doing so either. My therapist has saved my life. She has helped with me becoming more self aware and becoming a better person. She offers me the space to talk and not be judged. And she makes sense of things that I don't. It helps tremendously to be able to speak freely and have someone get it.
You don't have to understand what someone is going through to know the right thing to say. There is never the right thing to say. But we all have the capacity to love and support someone unconditionally without inserting yourself into the situation. It's not about what you would do but instead how can you help.
Most of the time, that help is just listening to the other person and supporting them.
If you're feeling down or depressed this holiday season, just know you are not alone. And again, there's nothing wrong with seeking help and someone professional to talk to. Here's some ways to reach out if you are in need...
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Their network of crisis centers provide emotional support and guidance to people in distress and are also available via a chat service and a special hotline number for the hearing impaired: 1-800-799-4889.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
SAMHSA’s behavioral health treatment services locator is an easy and anonymous way to locate treatment facilities and other resources, such as support groups and counselors, to treat and manage depression.
You can also call your health insurance provider and ask for some therapists in your area that accept your insurance. No insurance? Head to Google to see what groups and centers are in your area that can offer low-cost counseling or group meetings.
I, for one, will be listening more this holiday season and holding space for those who need it, as I know others are doing the same for me. I know I am not alone.
Be kind to yourself and always remember that self care matters. Love you all.
"What if, today, we were grateful for everything?" ~ Charlie Brown
Every New Year's Eve for the last six years, I have spent my last evening of the year sobbing in bed, feeling like I was getting further and further away from my dad and then my brother as each new year ushered in.
My anxiety during the first two years was at an old time high. I was so afraid that as each new year started, that meant more time since my dad passed away and that my memories of him and us would fade along with him.
Then when my brother Danny died three years after my dad, I had double grief and was all over the place because one moment, I would be crying over my dad and then another moment over my brother. And then I would feel guilty for grieving over one more than the other or not thinking of them at all at times.
See, I cling to those memories with every fiber of my being because they are all I have left of the best two men I have known and the first two loves of my life. My heroes, my blood, my family.
Usually around the holidays in general, I will admit, I tend to check out emotionally so I just don't have to deal. I'm there but not there. By the time NYE rolls around, I am so mentally exhausted from checking out, that the emotions come flooding in.
But this year, I realized that I can't check out anymore. I'm not that person anymore. There's this thing called Growth that has taken control of my life and it's a good thing, even though I went into it kicking and screaming. It's harder to let yourself feel because that means facing things head on.
My anxiety during the first two years was at an old time high. I was so afraid that as each new year started, that meant more time since my dad passed away and that my memories of him and us would fade along with him.
Then when my brother Danny died three years after my dad, I had double grief and was all over the place because one moment, I would be crying over my dad and then another moment over my brother. And then I would feel guilty for grieving over one more than the other or not thinking of them at all at times.
See, I cling to those memories with every fiber of my being because they are all I have left of the best two men I have known and the first two loves of my life. My heroes, my blood, my family.
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| My brother Danny with his three daughters |
But this year, I realized that I can't check out anymore. I'm not that person anymore. There's this thing called Growth that has taken control of my life and it's a good thing, even though I went into it kicking and screaming. It's harder to let yourself feel because that means facing things head on.
The new normal is good. And I have realized that it's okay to be thankful even after suffering a great loss.
I'm thankful to still be alive and I can feel something wonderful is on its way in my career and in my life. I'm thankful for my mom and nieces. I'm thankful that I'm on the road to healing and becoming the best person I can be.
The holidays are always a time of reflection -- it's bittersweet for me. But I am learning to be thankful and happy, even after such a great loss in my life.
Now Thanksgiving and Christmas was still hella hard. I fell into a place of depression and it was a daily fight to emerge from that black hole that had become so familiar and at times, actually felt safe. I can stand still and not let the world in. I clung to that sadness in a way because it made those memories of them present and dominant in my mind.
But after Christmas, I was done. Something in me had changed. I could not live each holiday season like this. I was feeling different and I felt I was ready to let go.
So this New Year's Eve, for the first time in six years, I did not sob in bed. I decided to go into the New Year with a smile. I did not watch the ball drop as that is a trigger for me in terms of making me sad and mourn what I lost or don't have in my life. I ushered in the New Year listening to Stevie Wonder's Superstition and playing Uno online. And I was happy.
Grief is a process with no timetable. I am healing little by little one day at a time. I continue to go to therapy once a week and I am learning that I will never forget my dad and brother no matter how much time has passed. They will always be with me.
It's okay to miss them. It's okay to cry sometimes. It's okay to grieve. But I refuse to let my grief define me or take over my life. There will always a tough moment but why should I give my time away to grief? Why should my life stop? I know that's not what my dad and brother would want.
I also have learned to assert myself more and know that it's only up to me on how I grieve. And it's okay for me to let people know that. I will not "get over it" and I am not "dwelling" on it. No one knows the relationship I had with them nor do they know how I feel. We all have our own experiences and how we grieve. We all have different ways to deal with grief and I believe we should be considerate and understanding of that. So I basically tell others now who criticize me in this respect, "Let me live and I will let you live." Because see, there is no wrong way to grieve. You just do.
Next up, the month of April... my dad's 7th anniversary is April 10th and my brother's birthday is April 22nd. Usually, that month is so hard for me but this year, I am hopeful it will be a little easier. That's what self-healing is all about. I want to live again and not just exist. Not only for myself but for them.
But after Christmas, I was done. Something in me had changed. I could not live each holiday season like this. I was feeling different and I felt I was ready to let go.
So this New Year's Eve, for the first time in six years, I did not sob in bed. I decided to go into the New Year with a smile. I did not watch the ball drop as that is a trigger for me in terms of making me sad and mourn what I lost or don't have in my life. I ushered in the New Year listening to Stevie Wonder's Superstition and playing Uno online. And I was happy.
Grief is a process with no timetable. I am healing little by little one day at a time. I continue to go to therapy once a week and I am learning that I will never forget my dad and brother no matter how much time has passed. They will always be with me.
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| What my dad wrote in my autograph book when I graduated from elementary school - he knew back then of my greatness. |
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| My dad and I in Atlantic City |
Next up, the month of April... my dad's 7th anniversary is April 10th and my brother's birthday is April 22nd. Usually, that month is so hard for me but this year, I am hopeful it will be a little easier. That's what self-healing is all about. I want to live again and not just exist. Not only for myself but for them.
"Isn't it peculiar, Charlie Brown, how some traditions just slowly fade away?" - Lucy Van Pelt
When life throws you curveballs, you have to learn to roll with the punches, which is not always easy. I know this firsthand.
After losing half of my immediate family in a span of three years, the holidays became a time of sadness for me. I could not even think of getting out of bed, let alone celebrating family holiday traditions.
But in time, as I allowed myself to start healing and not be defined by my grief, I learned that it's okay to celebrate new traditions while still honoring the old ones.
My mom doesn't cook anymore at home since it is just she and I. We go to my aunt Maria's house where there's salsa music blasting, lots of chatter and cooking in the kitchen and lots of laughter. My nieces celebrate the holiday with their mom, where they now have their own traditions.
One of my favorite traditions around the holidays is drinking coquito, which is the Puerto Rican version of spiked egg nog.
And I have to admit, I also have my laptop in front of me, as I drink, trying to get in on some pre-Black Friday Thanksgiving online sales. Last year, I bought a new winter coat for $25 and scored some major deals for Christmas. Sometimes I don't sleep for 24 hours on Cyber Monday. Shopping on a budget is that serious to me, especially with three girls to buy gifts for.
While I am shopping online, my mom will sneak me some pasteles to eat while I wait for dinner to be done. Bless her heart. Man, I live for some pasteles, which we usually don't indulge in until the holidays. They're like tamales but the masa is made of plantains and yautÃa with chunks of pork in them. Yum.
My uncle is usually sitting in his recliner in the living room, some egg nog in his cup, watching soccer aka football -- he's from St Kitts and very serious about his soccer. I laugh when I think of him and his thick West Indian accent, yelling at the TV. LOL! When the turkey and pernil are done, he then has the honor of slicing the meat up for us to eat.
Some of my aunt's friends will come by for dinner and we say grace before we eat -- I have to admit, I always add (to myself) "Miss you Dad and Danny! You are never forgotten". While the old family traditions we shared don't happen anymore, I honor them to the fullest in my own way because the memories forever remain. However, part of moving on with life is going with the flow of change and in this case, that means embracing new traditions and things. This is what my dad and brother would want me to do.
We usually end dinner with dessert (and some more coquito, LOL) and sometimes we'll play Uno. My aunt usually makes sure to have pumpkin pie, apple pie and sweet potato pie. We leave the flan for Christmas and I'm drooling as I type this because flan is my world.
Enough about food... I still have a week to go before all that deliciousness so let me not digress.
Part of my new Thanksgiving tradition is also choosing a fabulous outfit to wear and making sure I am wearing something I love that's also comprised of the three C's: Chic, Casual and Comfy.
Fashion has become a saving grace for me because it helps boost my spirit and make me feel good. I walk with an extra pep in my step when I am wearing something I love.
I can't believe I am saying this but I am in love with plaid and velvet this year. I used to hate them so much but the styles that I have been seeing this season has made me fall in love.
When I saw this Love & Legend by Addition Elle Babydoll Mini Dress in Plaid at Gwynnie Bee, I knew this would be perfect as a Thanksgiving look. The fabric has stretch and almost feels like a light fleece, which is great for those brisk fall to winter days. The keyhole shows some cleavage and I love the knee length. It has 3/4 sleeves with elastic cuffs. I love the little ruffle detail at the waist too.
For me, this is such an easy look that makes me feel great. And that is perfect for Thanksgiving and beyond.
This outfit is SO chic, casual and comfy that I am tempted to venture out on Black Friday this year. My cousin and her boyfriend usually go after dinner and I am feeling daring this year. I guess fashion has that way of pushing you out of your comfort zone in other ways outside of dressing your body. It changes your attitude and fuels your confidence.
What are your favorite Thanksgiving traditions? And I would love to know what you're wearing this Thanksgiving. Comment below and let me know. Hope it's fabulous!
Fit/Size Deets...
-- I'm wearing a size 26 in the plaid dress and a size 4X in the jacket.
-- My boots are from Lane Bryant but unfortunately, they are two years old and I have yet to see any new boots from them this year that fit a wide calf over 18". Mine measure 23" around and this was the first time I found tall boots that fit my calves comfortably.
If you aren't a member of Gwynnie Bee and want to try the service out, you can try it for 30 days FREE of charge. Just click here to sign up. You can get this dress and jacket for yourself for FREE. Go for it, Girl! Take a chance on fashion.
**This post also contains some affiliate links and I'll earn a small commission if you shop through them. This is one of the ways I can continue to bring you inspiring content. Thank you!
"Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it." ~ Gautama Buddha
Every Wednesday morning for the last three years, I have had a standing therapy appointment where I go to talk about everything from grief to anger to even my frustrations in fashion, people and overall, life.
It has become a staple in my life that I learned to welcome. Seeking help has such a negative stigma to it so at first, I didn't tell anyone. What would they think if I said I was in therapy? Little did I know, more people go to therapy than I thought!
After my session weekly, I always see this woman who has the time slot before me and is always waiting in the lobby for her ride home. One day, she smiled at me and we began to chat. A friendship was born.
We'd chat almost every week and have been for about two years. The last time we spoke, she said something to me that still has me thinking, almost a week later.
We were talking about our therapist who is leaving the practice and how we were not looking forward to being paired with someone new. I was telling her how far I have come in my life because of therapy and how I used to be afraid to leave the house after my brother died because the thought of not knowing when it's my time to die is terrifying so I would much rather stay at home in my safe place. And she said:
"Oh, I'd welcome death. At this point, I am waiting for my time to go. I feel like I am wasting space in this life that someone else can use to be something great. I feel I don't have a purpose and am doing nothing in this life. I am not scared of death at all. I'd welcome it."
I was stunned, to say the least. I had never heard someone say that before. Here I am, scared of dying because I feel like I have not accomplished everything I want to do in this life and I am just not ready. And this woman is ready to die.
I told her that we are all here for a reason and that she may feel like she doesn't have a purpose but that's because she hasn't figured it out yet. And I also told her that sometimes we get in our own way. Perhaps all these negative thoughts she was having about dying was blocking her from seeing the positive and truly finding her purpose.
I stressed that she needed to change the conversations she was having with herself because she was limiting herself in life.
Her ride came and she hugged me tight. She suggested we go to lunch soon and told me:
"Thank you. You're always honest but in a deep, compassionate way. And you get it."
I believe we all have a purpose and if you believe it, even when you don't know what it is, that will give you the incentive to want to live your life fully. In order to find your purpose, you have to put yourself out in the world. Show up for yourself and others. Once you do that, you will be amazed at all the magical things that come your way.
It can be something small like someone thanking you for helping them across the street or giving them directions. It can be you offering a smile to someone and telling them you like their hair. It could be you sitting on a bench, enjoying a cup of coffee and admiring the blue sky. These little things add up and when the time is right, your purpose will become clear.
For me, my purpose is an accumulation of things but the base has always been my writing.
My writing has been a way for me to inspire others and myself. It has been a way for me to purge my soul while sharing my story. It has given me an outlet to express myself. My writing is something that will live on forever, after I am gone. My writing is my legacy.
That writing is not just me blogging or writing a book. It has been me writing a note in a card and giving it to someone, who was so happy to receive that message. It has been me creating a resume for someone or helping them with content on their website. It has been me helping someone write a cover letter or editing their blog post. My writing has lent itself to so many avenues in the world and it is my gift and purpose.
It is a way for me to serve others while also serving myself. My writing also gives me a voice. I believe that is what your purpose does... it gives you a voice.
I remember when my step-mom asked me to perform the eulogy at my dad's service. It was one of the easiest and hardest pieces I have ever had to write. The writing flowed so easily but the pain that came with every word written was almost unbearable.
But my writing is what told people who my dad was. It made them laugh and it made them cry. It told them how amazing a dad he was and how his life was truly lived. It also inspired others to rethink how they were living their lives and it served as a reminder that we truly don't know when it's our time to leave this earth so we have to make every single moment count.
Writing to me is like a second nature. Anyone can blog or write a book. But to feel that craft within your heart and love the language of the written word... that is a feeling that not everyone knows.
Writing for me is like me giving away a piece of myself to the world but still feeling like my spirit is full.
That's what it feels like to know your purpose AND be open to where that purpose takes you.
I wrote a letter to my friend that I plan to give her next Wednesday. I hope she can find her purpose and want to live. Life is so precious and if you have it, live it. You never know what can happen or what lies ahead.
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