What started out as a day where I thought I would be body shamed and told I was wearing a "tablecloth" actually turned out to be one of the best days of my life.

Then the rest of the day was spent at The Plus Bus Boutique for our closet sale during their Birthday celebration. It was an amazing day spent with amazing people in an amazing dress.






Plus, Alysse and I were twinning! She had on Lane Bryant's Gingham Belted Skirt with their Chambray One-Shoulder Top. Alysse is not someone who wears full skirts so she definitely stepped out of her comfort zone. I love how she made this look her own with the top, which is her style. She wore Lane Bryant's Faux Suede Mule in tan while I opted for some pull-on sneakers, also from Lane Bryant. (Mine are sold out but there's white ones still available)

So when we spied this heart mural wall while getting some elote the night before (shoutout to the Elote Man!), we knew we had to return and take some pics there in our gingham fabulousness. How fitting that we posed in front of a wall of hearts and love, wearing a print that people would surely body shame us for. How's that for sticking it to the "man"!?!






Next time someone tells me I can't wear something, I am going to keep walking and decide for myself if I want to wear that style. It is my body, my rules and my style. 

And always have a kickass friend beside you as you live your best FAT life. 

You can shop my look below:



Click here to read about Alysse's gingham experience and see more of  what she wore from Lane Bryant.

This weekend, I was forced to really dive into my bedroom and closet. Besides me getting a new bedroom set, I'm also planning a closet sale in May and taking some trips. And my clothing (and shoes!) situation is starting to get out of control.

I say "forced" because for me, I tend to form an emotional attachment to things so it's hard for me to purge. But I don't know... I am in a different place and wasn't so anxious about purging this time around.

My 15-yr-old niece Savana was helping me go through stuff and as I went through my clothes and shoes, I realized that I was seeing the "old" me in these things. And it made me realize how much I have grown in the past few years. 

I used to hate showing my upper arms. So I had a collection of shrugs in every color and print. I also own so many blazers when honestly, I am not a blazer girl. I'm more of a moto jacket/cropped jacket girl. However, back then, I wore shrugs and long blazers to cover my arms, stomach and butt. Those shrugs and blazers went in the "donate" bag along with those ridiculous fears I once had about showing parts of my body.

I had tons of maxi dresses and long skirts because I did not like to show off my legs either. And let's not even discuss how I always hid my stomach with long tops. They also went in the Donate bag.

I also saw how my style has evolved in those clothes that I held onto. I bought so many things that were not my style but I wore because I was trying to fit in or be like everyone else. I also found jeans that were two sizes larger than I am as well as baggy tops and sweaters. In the Donate bag they go!

It was as if the road to my true confidence and love for myself was laid out in those bags on the floor of my bedroom. Each piece told a story, some not-so-good ones. My niece sat there with me as I told her some stories and how I built my confidence over time. I told her how I now love my arms and show them off all the time. I haven't worn a shrug in almost three years, since my brother's (her dad's) funeral. 

So much has changed since then. Grief forced me to reevaluate my life. When I started this journey of healing myself, I had no idea where it would take me. I look back now and don't even recognize the girl I once was. While I was smart, competent, pretty, caring, genuine and amazing back then, I did not know my own greatness. My lack of self-worth, confidence and self acceptance didn't allow me to be the best person I could be because I did not believe in myself.

I will never blame my size or my grief or any other outer force for me not being totally in love with myself and living fully. I take the full blame because at the end of the day, I have a choice in how I live.

I ended up giving away four bags of stuff and putting away two bags for my closet sale. I threw out so many things too! Usually, when I purge, I'm in tears at the end and mourning the loss. However, this time, no tears. I felt like a large weight had been lifted off of me.

The clothes and shoes I kept are truly me. My style, my rules and my life. I never knew I could be this happy -- I still have bad days but now I know, bad days do not equal a bad life. I just have to roll with the punches and live life as best as I can. 

"The more my confidence grows, the more I feel free." ~ Me

This evolution has spilled over into other areas in my life. Feeling more confident about myself has helped me with being more assertive and not caring too much what others think. It has also helped me with dating because now that I fully know my worth, I refuse to accept any mistreatment from a man.

Let me explain... I've always been confident but it hasn't been consistent. I learned that over time, I had to strengthen my confidence to keep it intact and the way to do that was to take it one day at a time and be kind to myself. I had to truly fall in love with myself.

My inner saboteur was constantly sabotaging me (yes, I watch Rupaul's Drag Race religiously and this really hit home for me when Ru told Adore Delano this).

Falling in love with yourself is just like falling in love with someone else. It's not easy. It requires a lot of work and commitment but you have to make the choice to step up and make an effort. You have to show up for yourself just like you would show up for your significant other.


You have to speak life into yourself and give yourself support and compliments. Too often, we give so much love to others but not enough to ourselves. I'm a caregiver by nature and tend to help others with no hesitation. But often, I forget to put myself first. I wasn't helping myself. And the less I helped myself and the more I helped others, the more my dreams drifted further away.

And that didn't help my confidence, especially within my career that had seemed to stall and my love life, which was a mess. I had so many dreams but I was not pursuing them.

I was so focused on that role of being a caregiver, that I didn't give myself care. And my life was not flourishing in the way it should.

I had to recharge my life and put myself first. I had to nurture a relationship with myself. I had to learn to accept my body, even the parts I don't like. I have a love/hate relationship with my legs but when I thought about my life and what my legs have done for me, I realized that I should be grateful for them period. And not worry too much about how they look. Their purpose is not to be gazed at. Their purpose is to enable me to walk and see the world.


My legs have taken me on this wonderful journey where I have seen so many amazing and incredible things. And they are mine. I have to own them and see the beauty in them. I had to validate myself and not seek validation from others. At the end of the day, what counts is how I view myself and not how I am viewed by others. This is my body and I have to live in it. It is up to me how I choose to live.

I had to also put myself out in the world more. I had to go after what I wanted. Pursuing your dreams is not easy. You have to be willing to put in the work in laying the groundwork. Once you put in the work and have faith, that is when your dreams come into fruition.

You have to believe in yourself, even when it seems like nothing is going right. I know that's hard but it is so necessary in order to push through and stay positive.

I'm still working on me and will probably be working on me for the rest of my life. That's what all relationships require. Daily work and commitment. But I know better now. Life is good. And the more confident I feel, the more stronger I feel at tackling life and pursuing my dreams. I believe in me. And I know my dreams will come true.

I'm happy. I'm loving myself. And I am about to rock a crop top this fall. And wear more pants and not worry about all my lumps, bumps and rolls. Because I am beautiful and I feel so free.

"Sometimes when you lose your way, you find YOURSELF." ~ Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

 HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME! This year has been one of many firsts and I can't wait to conquer even more firsts in Year 46.

"Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love." ~ Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

This year I started putting myself out there on the dating scene after taking a break to take care of myself during my grieving. And let me tell you, dating is not easy, especially when you're looking for a relationship after 40.

I've been single for about two years and decided I was ready to jump back into the dating pool. I started putting myself out there more and decided that this time I would do things differently. 

I have spent years, one failed relationship after another, not really knowing why things never ended well. And after losing my dad and brother and going into therapy for bereavement counseling, I actually learned more than I thought I would.

I became more self-aware and more accountable for my choices in life. I realized that I wanted love so badly that I settled. And I stayed with men that I should have left as soon as I saw the first red flag. From cheating to being stood up all the time to even owing me money, these are the men I ALLOWED into my life. And if my ex is reading this, I still want my $150 back. I'm still working on letting that go because I know I will never see that money.

Sure, they were jerks BUT I chose to be with them. And we NEVER have to be with someone who doesn't treat us as we want to be treated. I learned that I always have a choice. Making those choices may not seem easy but when you get to a point in your life where you know you're worthy of a great partner and deserve that, choosing who you want to be with becomes very easy.

When you're secure with yourself and are not trying to be with someone just because you're lonely or afraid of being alone for life, you make better choices in who you choose to be with. Because you will not stand or settle for any less. 

I'm fine with being alone. I don't NEED to be with someone. However, I WANT to be with someone. I want to share my life with someone. I even still have hope I will have a biological child. Some people think I am crazy since I am 45 but I believe anything is possible. I do plan to adopt as well but having my own child has been a dream in my heart since I was a teenager.

I always thought I'd be married with a couple of kids by now. And for a very long time, as the years sped by, I started to feel like a failure. My dad never got to walk me down the aisle or see his future grandchildren. And I sometimes feel like I am the only one who is single in my world. 

But in therapy, I learned that acceptance is key. Everything happens for a reason. I've had a pretty good life despite the failed relationships and no husband and kids. I've traveled the world. I've seen amazing things. Honestly, I look back and know I could not do a fraction of those things if I was married with kids. This I know now and I had to be honest with myself. We don't always stay on the path we start on and we have to go with the flow and just remain hopeful.

I went back on the online dating scene six months ago and it's been okay. I've met some nice guys and some not so nice guys. However, instead of meeting my soulmate, I instead continue to learn more about myself and how I deal with men. I've learned that sometimes being too honest upfront is a bit much for men. I also learned that words mean nothing when it comes to actions. Someone can tell you everything you want to hear but if they don't make time for you or show interest, they are not interested.

I put a lot of value into words and sought that validation that comes from words. Sure, it's nice to hear how beautiful you are or how much someone is into you, but I realized that I was hearing more words than seeing actions. And after a while, words are not enough. You want to see action and thoughtful gestures, which if a person is really into you, no gesture is too grand.

I learned to not stand still and give too much of my time away when a guy is not interested. Just because I like him does not guarantee that he will like me back. And I have to accept that. Me getting frustrated or feeling hurt over a guy not being interested is a waste of negative energy. I just accept it and move on. No hard feelings. It just wasn't meant to be.

That was a MAJOR change for me because I was that girl that would be so frustrated and upset when a guy I liked didn't like me back. And I spent a lot of time in my feelings, having a pity party and refusing to accept it. Meanwhile, he has moved on to the next girl who he does like. 

Sure, I've been disappointed but it's beyond my control so all I can do is put myself first and keep it moving. Rejection is part of life. At least I gave it a chance to see what would happen.

I also learned that I don't need to try too hard or chase a guy or even jump through hoops to prove myself to him. All I have to be is myself, because I think I'm pretty awesome, lol. And know my worth enough to know that I am a good woman and any man would be lucky to have me. The right man will see me and accept me for who I am.

I recently met someone who I think is amazing - not perfect but such a nice guy. Who knows what will happen? What I do know is that my life goes on no matter what. Life never stands still so I won't. I will still enjoy all the moments I can, whether I am single or not. Because we never know when it's our time to go so I don't want to waste or lose a single minute. It's like what Mandy said in the above quote... I will never put my life on hold to wait on love. Hell no.

All I want is to be loved by a good man who's honest, loyal, funny, humble and romantic, preferably in the tri-state area (lol). Now I have other attributes I look for but at the same time, I have come to accept that I will never find the perfect man. But if I can find someone who has most of the qualities I am looking for, that's good enough for me. 

So for now, I will put myself out there, hitting my favorite spots, traveling, interacting with the world and still checking out my options online. We'll see what happens. I have a feeling my Mr Right will show up when I least expect it. I just hope my hair looks good when that happens.

Happiness can exist only in acceptance. ~ George Orwell

This guy, who is an author who is building his career on writing relationship/self-help books geared mainly towards women, wrote something about women who say they are single by choice. He wrote that being single by choice is not possible because why would anyone choose to be single. He said we are single by chance and the status just read to me as if he were saying that women were to blame for not meeting the right guy yet and that we needed to work on ourselves and etc.

Being a single chick BY CHOICE, I was speechless. I didn't comment on the status because I learned a long time ago that everyone has an opinion and is entitled to it. You can't control what someone else thinks. You can only control how you let that opinion affect you. But that status compelled me to write about it since I am a single woman, again, BY CHOICE.

Let me just say first, that this guy is a great writer and many things he does say are valid and inspiring. He's a very spiritual and intelligent guy. I even own his book. But I have to disagree with him on this one.

Now, it's true, why would anyone choose to be alone when honestly, most of us do want love in our lives. I know I do. But...When I say I am single by choice, what I am saying is that I choose to not just be with anyone. I choose to be with someone that I think is worthy of me and vice versa. To me, being single by choice means knowing your self-worth and not settling for just anything or anyone that comes along. When you settle for any old thing, that is what you will attract and get. I believe when you know your self-worth, are doing your thing and living your life for YOU and not someone else, you will attract someone who will appreciate who you are and not treat you like crap.

We always have a choice. When my ex-boyfriend, who, in my opinion, is a bully and control freak contacts me (which he does every 3-6 months), I hit delete. His number is no longer stored on my phone but he still calls and texts every so often. I just choose to not speak to him. We all have that ex in the past that we allowed into our lives. There is nothing wrong with that. But, we cannot let that person affect how we treat the next person who comes into our lives. We also can choose who we let into our lives. Our pasts don't define the choices we make today. Right in this moment.

Do I like being single? No. I want love in my life. I want to get married one day and have children. 

Do I let my single status stop me from being happy? No. Life will go on regardless and time is valuable. So I am going to spend my moments doing happy things and enjoying my life, whether I am single or not.

Am I single by choice? Yes. And when that imperfect man who is perfect for me shows up in my life, I will then choose to not be single.

It's as simple as that. And there is nothing wrong with that.

One of my best friends currently made the choice to remain single for a year to find herself and live life as a single woman on her own. To me, making a choice like that is HUGE and commendable. Because you are being accountable for you and making that conscious choice to better yourself so that when that right person for you comes along, you are ready to open your heart and let love in.

So single by chance? I don't think so. I choose to be single right now, in this moment. But the beauty of having free will and making choices is that you can always change your mind according to the present situation. So, who knows? I may choose to not be single three months from now. Life is unpredictable like that. :)