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Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do." - Brené Brown
In September 2020, after a photo shoot for Latinx Heritage Month for Lane Bryant, as I looked at my images, I noticed that the lump on my right inner thigh looked larger.
I was taken aback. For years, I've always been self conscious of that lump and learned to love her slowly because it's a part of my body. Despite not loving that part of me 100% (it's a lifelong process), I tried daily to not let my insecurities seize my life and stop me from wearing what I wanted, even if it was visible. But it was extremely hard to fully let go of those insecurities.
It would peek out when I wore a bathing suit, modeled above the knee styles and wore shorts. But when that lump grew larger, my life changed.
I spent two years trying to find out why.
I was in constant pain, had limited mobility, always tired and no appetite. Yet I gained weight and that lump grew larger.
I switched doctors frequently because I was told to get weight loss surgery and could not get a proper diagnosis or find a doctor who could see past my weight and actually treat me as other patients.
I was reminded how most of the medical community looks first and makes a diagnosis by judgment before they even truly look further to see what's wrong. They believe that being fat is always the problem and losing weight is always the cure. And that's not always the case. I'm proof of that.
My labs showed that I'm anemic with high levels of inflammation in my blood. That's it. I'm not diabetic, cholesterol is fine and I don't have any of the issues these doctors assumed I had because I'm fat. The third primary care physician I saw, sent me to get a venous Doppler ultrasound on my legs to check for blood clots. They didn't find anything.
It took the vascular specialist a minute to look at my leg and tell me it was lymphedema. And this is when I learned more about this disease that doesn't have a cure and would change my life. I learned more about the lymphatic system and its importance. And realized I had to make some changes in my life.
First things first, I have to wear compression garments for the rest of my life. Second, I have to use a compression pump daily on my legs and feet (60 minutes per leg). Thankfully, these two things will help the size of my leg decrease by moving the lymphatic fluid to up and out of my body + keep my swelling down. Once my leg size decreases, I will go to Decongestive lymphedema therapy (DLT) where I will do exercises, learn how to bandage my legs and other key things I need to learn for self-care.
I don't get hungry often because I am in constant pain + I'm perimenopausal (another thing to deal with at the same time!) so I am now eating 6 small meals versus 3 regular meals. I have to ensure I get some protein and watch my sugar. Processed foods and sugars cause me to have flare-ups where my swelling is so bad and I feel so tired. So I'm exploring a new way of eating (I'm still trying to go gluten-free, ugh) because I have to eat foods that are mostly anti-inflammatory.
I have to keep myself impeccably clean and while I was a clean freak before, I'm talking 2 showers a day plus constant cleanliness to ensure I don't cause any skin infections, most notably cellulitis. My skin is always dry and I bruise easily. Thank goodness for First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream and Eucerin, who both make amazing fragrance-free lotions/creams that are great for severe dry skin.
I'm always tired and don't sleep well sometimes. But on a good night, if I can get my 8 hours of sleep, I have a good day ahead of me because sleep helps.
I also have to be mindful when I travel. No more direct flights over 3 hours. I have to make sure I am not sitting for long periods of time. Elevate my legs. Move. But also be mindful of the type of exercise I do.
No more saunas at the spa. I have to avoid extreme heat and cold temperatures.
BUT. I can't really complain because while there is no cure for lymphedema, I can live. I just need to make some adjustments. However, the mental side of all of this has been hard.
To go from being a person who was free as a bird, traveling the world and being fancy to walking with a rollator and monitoring everything I do with my body, is a mindf**k. I love jeans but my leg has gotten so big that right now I can't wear pants unless it's stretch leggings and yoga pants. Sometimes I don't even know my size because my legs are different sizes while my waist is still the same size it was years ago.
Therapy has been a godsend. My therapist has seen me through the loss of my dad, my brother, niece, my mom and best friend Herman... then my own childhood trauma... and now this.
My body feels like the enemy. My mind and body are definitely not in sync. However, this diagnosis has also made me appreciate my body more. I know that sounds weird after saying my body feels like the enemy so hear me out.
I spent most of my life so self-conscious of the lump on my right thigh to the point where it dictated what I wore and how I moved through life. And honestly, that is no way to live. We should all give life 100% and just dive in. Show up for yourself and show out. If I have learned anything after losing so many people, it's this... we never know when it's our time and once you spend your time, you cannot get that time back. That's why it's so important to be present and not be so focused on the future. How ironic is that? We spend our present moments, which we have control over, worrying about the future, which we don't have control over. We never know what's going to happen next but we know what is happening right now in this present moment.
For me, I am going to spend my present moments taking care of my health while being around the people who bring me joy and make me laugh. I'm starting to reconnect with people and that makes me happy. I will continue to heal and strengthen my self-love in the body I am in now. I know that my body will change but there's nothing wrong with loving it while you're in transition. When you love your body as it is now, you will want to be good to your body in whatever that means to you. A Before is not a bad thing. To me, life is a state of transition where we are constantly evolving and changing. Nothing is ever final.
I personally don't like to say "Before" and "After". I like to say "Back then", "Now", "What I look forward to" while knowing that my body is beautiful at any stage of my life because it is mine and it has done some incredible things. It's not just a vanity thing. Sure, I want to look cute but my body is not just meant to be looked at and admired. It is also meant to take me on my life's adventure and do things that I thought were impossible. And believe me, size or weight has nothing to do with what adventures I can go on. It is all up to me and the stage of the journey that I'm on.
I will never hold back from living because of a body part. Never. Once my leg gets smaller, I will appreciate that lump because it will never hold me back from living or being cute. I'm living for me and not the world. Let the world stare or say what they will. All the validation I need comes from me.
The last thing my mom said to me before she passed was "Marcy, you have to take care of yourself. Please." She always felt I took care of others but did not take care of myself in the same way. So, Mom, no worries... I am taking care of myself. I got the memo. (Gosh, I miss her so much!)
Stay tuned as I will continue to share my lymphedema journey on this blog. It's hard to be transparent but I hope my story will help someone on their journey. I got tired of hiding, to be honest. I never want to feel ashamed or negatively about myself ever again. This is me and I am making it my life's mission to show up for myself always.
My words of wisdom in this very moment: Always be your own advocate, ask questions and stand up for yourself. Fight for yourself. You are worth it.
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Happy New Year, my favorite people! Now that the holidays are over and a new year is upon us, we can exhale and move forward. The holidays are tough for a lot of folks, me included. But we made it. We're still standing.
January is a big month for diet companies and gyms. They come at us hard with this whole 'New Year New Me' message and they make a ton of money, profitting over people buying into this notion that we have to lose weight to have a better year ahead.
I am all for people doing what they want with their bodies and I am also a big believer in movement for ALL bodies. But I also want to stress that your body, regardless of its size and shape, is incredible NOW. Our bodies enable us to live, even when we have limited mobility and disabilities. We are still able to breathe and experience life in the best way we can. I am not here to judge because I believe we are all works of art as we are right now.
I was reading a post on IG where the author was talking about how we focus on losing in the New Year, when we really should be focusing on gains. And that just made a lightbulb in my head turn on. I am a big believer in turning negatives into positives because changing my mindset has changed my life and gotten me thru some of the hardest moments I have ever experienced.
So this year, I am going to focus on what I gain while giving myself grace to know that I shouldn't overload myself with a long list of what I want to do and set myself up for failure. I am training myself to slow down and focus on 1 to 2 things at a time so I can follow through and get things done. I find when I focus on a zillion things (which is how my busy brain works), I tend to not finish everything I started and it gets so frustrating. I feel defeated and then give up entirely.
Yes, I know it's hard to believe as many people think I am someone who has my shit completely together but in all honesty, I have my moments too. I plan to create to-do lists every 3 months that are short and doable but things that I want to do and know I can follow thru on. It may be simple tasks like crocheting a dress for my niece but working on a project like that takes time, patience and consistency, which are things I want to strengthen within myself.
The biggest lesson I learned last year was the importance of showing up for myself and others. Showing up for myself meant:
- Being proactive in my self care, including taking care of my body physically by continuing to find a doctor that gets me and adding more joyful movement in my life to help with my lymphedema, as well as make me feel better and stronger.
- Being my own advocate and not being afraid to speak up for myself
- Being kind to myself and not beating myself over saying no or not doing something that I didn't feel comfortable doing (sometimes it's good to go out of your comfort zone but if you feel it's really not right, it ain't right.)
- Listen to my gut/inner voice. It is never wrong.
- Doing something nice for myself daily, even if it was something as simple as painting my nails, watching one of my favorite movies, giving someone an authentic compliment or holler on social media to let them know they are giving me life (lol) or even giving a hug to my 4-yr old niece Ashley and watching Paw Patrol with her.
- The more things you do for yourself that make you happy will build your self love and make you look forward to being present for more moments to come. It will also make you feel grateful for those moments and your life. It will remind you that you do have positive things in your life that can make you happy. Gratitude is a great way to be reminded that life is not all bad.
- Following through on things I start because it will remind me of the importance of honoring my commitments to myself and others.
Going into 2023, I am still working on this - I am a work in progress. What counts is that I am trying.
I am also someone who believes in helping people, including clothing swaps and donations. I want to manifest that into larger scale things where I am reaching more folks, mainly my plus size sisters/brothers/persons over a size 3X because we are often overlooked in so many sectors that limit us in accessing things we need for everyday life. (If anyone out there wants to partner up, pls message me!)
I also want to be open to new relationships and engaging more with people but I am treading carefully since this is not my norm. Venturing into new territory is scary but I am doing it one step at a time, while giving myself grace. I have met some incredible people in my life and want to reconnect with them.
That's all we can do for ourselves, one day at a time. We only have one life to live and after losing so many loved ones, grief and loss have taught me to appreciate my own life more. This is how I honor them... by honoring myself.
So this year, my goals are not weight loss or being a new me. My goals are what I can gain in my life to be happier, have more peace and live in gratitude as I am right now because I am pretty awesome just as I am.
If you want to lose weight, do you. You do what makes you truly happy. But just know that just because your outer changes, doesn't mean your inner will. You are YOU and that is an amazing thing. You just have to see that for yourself and lean into your beauty and who you are at whatever stage of your journey you're on.
The world is always waiting for me and for you... it is up to us to take that first step and see what's out there meant for us.
Comment or email me if you need inspiration or a quick holler. I got you! 2023, here we come!
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~ Marcy xo
"Listening is being able to be changed by the other person." ~Alan Alda
Dealing with grief and the effects of it on my life has taught me many lessons. One of the greatest ones has been to listen more, talk less.
It's so easy to judge someone from your own experiences when they are confiding in you. One of my best friends reminded me of that this morning. We look at the situation from our own perspectives and how we would deal with it, not taking into account that not everyone deals with things in the same way. And we never know the full story; only what is told to us.
Our initial reactions is usually to start talking, offer advice and try to "fix" the problem. We mean well but honestly, ask yourself, have I really listened to the other person? Did they ask me for advice? Or did they just want to be heard?
Most times, it's the latter.
Trust me, when someone wants help, they will ask for it. But many times, many of us make the assumption that if someone confides in us, they want our help. And that is not a correct assumption nine times out of ten.
For me, I yearn to be heard, especially now. I am far from perfect but know my shortcomings. I know where I need to be better and I know what I need to do. But I also yearn to be able to confide in someone and just be heard. Emotions are not easy to keep contained because the weight of them can sometimes be overwhelming. This is why letting go and talking about them feels so amazing. It makes our spirits lighter and it feels good to talk some things out loud and gain more clarity outside of our emotions.
However, this is where you learn the hard way that you can't confide in everyone. And you also have to understand that people are human. Not everyone is a listener. Everyone plays a role in your life and not all are meant to be those who you can confide in.
This holiday season will be a tough one for my family and I since it will be the first one without my niece Teá. For me, I will be completely honest and admit that I struggle but I also take it one day at a time. So for me to be able to lean on those I know I can confide in without them trying to "fix" me is such a welcomed thing.
To be able to talk to someone who doesn't judge you and just listens and offers support is something that is invaluable. With the holiday season being tough for many, having someone to talk to is key.
I am also still in therapy, four years later and I am not ashamed to admit that publicly. Seeking professional help is one of the best things you can do for your self care. There is nothing wrong with doing so either. My therapist has saved my life. She has helped with me becoming more self aware and becoming a better person. She offers me the space to talk and not be judged. And she makes sense of things that I don't. It helps tremendously to be able to speak freely and have someone get it.
You don't have to understand what someone is going through to know the right thing to say. There is never the right thing to say. But we all have the capacity to love and support someone unconditionally without inserting yourself into the situation. It's not about what you would do but instead how can you help.
Most of the time, that help is just listening to the other person and supporting them.
If you're feeling down or depressed this holiday season, just know you are not alone. And again, there's nothing wrong with seeking help and someone professional to talk to. Here's some ways to reach out if you are in need...
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Their network of crisis centers provide emotional support and guidance to people in distress and are also available via a chat service and a special hotline number for the hearing impaired: 1-800-799-4889.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
SAMHSA’s behavioral health treatment services locator is an easy and anonymous way to locate treatment facilities and other resources, such as support groups and counselors, to treat and manage depression.
You can also call your health insurance provider and ask for some therapists in your area that accept your insurance. No insurance? Head to Google to see what groups and centers are in your area that can offer low-cost counseling or group meetings.
I, for one, will be listening more this holiday season and holding space for those who need it, as I know others are doing the same for me. I know I am not alone.
Be kind to yourself and always remember that self care matters. Love you all.
"When you feel like you don't fit in anywhere, find the people who fit you because there is no one else like you." ~ Issa Rae
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| The G6 minus Nanthale who was taking this pic (Left to right: Me, Jonquel, Fabiola, Brooke and Marlena) |
"Making peace with your body frees up so much of your time. I had no idea how many things I'd missed out on out of fear or how many hours I'd wasting disparaging myself. My life is so much fuller when I'm living it outside of my own head." ~ Brittany Gibbons for Good Housekeeping
Lately, there has been a lot of weight loss talk and I have to admit, it made me uncomfortable. Actress Gabourey Sibide revealed in an interview with People Magazine that she had weight loss surgery and in the process, has lost a substantial amount of weight.
I don't have an issue with Sidibe making a decision to do something to her body that she wanted to. I have an issue on how it is has been reported and the reaction.
As my dear friend Sabrina posted on Facebook:
"Why do we only treat people like they're beautiful when they've lost a lot of weight? Fat doesn't equal ugly."
The title of the People Magazine article states that Gabby said "I Love My Body Now.", which lends to the assumption that she didn't love her body before. Yet, Gabby has said many times that she loved herself before and has always seemed unbothered with negative comments. She has always come off very confident and has had a successful career in Hollywood while being fat.
In her book, she does say:
"It has taken me years to realize that what I was born with is all beautiful. I did not get this surgery to be beautiful. I did it so I can walk around comfortably in heels. I want to do a cartwheel. I want not to be in pain every time I walk up a flight of stairs."
So why that title, People Mag? They simply took a portion of what she said and used it to give the impression that now that she has lost weight, she suddenly loves her body. This is what pisses me off.
Essentially, they are doing what has been happening for years in the media, in society and hell, even in our own homes. That familiar comment, "OH, you're so pretty but if you lost weight, you'd be beautiful."
She cited her recent diabetes diagnosis as the reason behind her getting surgery. I don't have an opinion on her choice as it is her body. However, I do have an issue on how this is celebrated and what that says in terms of body image and positivity.
67% of American women are now a size 16, which is considered plus size. That size used to be a 14 but in recent years, women have gotten heavier. But the unsolicited advice and fat shaming has not gone away. You would think with women's bodies now more curvy and larger, we'd be seeing more body acceptance. But that is not the case.
I decided that I can't be preoccupied with how others view my body. At the end of the day, what counts is how I VIEW MY BODY.
For me, it took me decades to make peace with my body. And it came to me unexpectedly when I was seeking help for my grief. Sometimes the universe takes you on a journey where you think you know what direction you're going in but you end up in a place totally different than where you thought you'd end up.
For me, talk of weight loss makes me so uncomfortable because it is triggering. It reminds me of when I was 10 and I was sent to live with my aunt because I was 30 pounds overweight, according to my doctor and that pesky BMI chart. So I was put on a strict diet where I starved. I lost the weight and returned home to people suddenly telling me how beautiful I was now that I lost weight. And of course, being back home and being back on my old "diet", I gained the weight back and thus, started my yo-yo dieting experience.
At 10 years old, I was being told that my beauty hinged on my weight and that being fat is not beautiful. Can you imagine how that makes a child feel? My niece Angel is 10 and I cannot imagine even telling her something like that.
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| My face says it all - I am so unhappy and probably hungry |
Talk of weight loss reminds me of how people place value on it and think skinny equals beautiful. To me, beauty doesn't come in a size. I know that now. But when I see a Before and After pic posted online and people comment on how good the person looks NOW, it shows me why many people loath their bodies.
When you're constantly being told that losing weight is the road to happiness, to being beautiful and to having a great social life, you start to believe that shit.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to get to your "happy" size, whether it's a size 4 or a size 22. However, when you denounce your former self and insult your former body, citing that you were not happy being fat or how obesity robbed you of a life, you're putting the blame on the wrong thing. YOU decided to be unhappy while fat. YOU decided to let your weight stop you from living. And no matter what your size, YOU are still YOU.
We all have a choice in how we live our lives. If you let your weight be that deciding factor in living fully or not, that's your choice. But just know that there are people out there (LIKE ME) who are living fully in the bodies they are in NOW.
That's what making peace with your body is all about.
I could lose weight, if I want. But that is MY choice and no one else's. I know I am beautiful now and will be beautiful at any size. Confidence comes from within and it should be on the person you are and not what you look like. You are more than your body. You are a human being with a heart, brains and personality. In my opinion, too many people are letting life pass them by and depriving the world of knowing who they are because their weight has become a crutch.
Yes, I know... the health thing. But we cannot tell someone's health by looking at them. Thin people get sick and die too. We are all deserving of living and enjoying every single moment in our lives. I know I don't want to wait until I am 30 pounds lighter to take a trip or do something fun that I've always wanted to do. Life is never guaranteed and none of us knows when it's our time to go.
I know I don't want to spend this moment thinking about weight loss. I instead want to enjoy this moment. Obesity is not robbing me of life. Because I am choosing to live.
I have had a love/hate relationship with denim for as long as I could remember. The best times of my life happened when I was wearing my favorite pair of jeans and feeling fearless. And some of the worst times of my life were when I was wearing ill-fitting denim and loathing my body. I would look in the mirror and think I look terrible. Either my legs looked short or some of my lumps were showing or the jeans just didn't flatter my body the way I desired.
Fashion has a lot to do with confidence. When you look good, you feel good. I have learned through trial and error as a plus size woman that it's all about fit. If you're not comfortable, it shows.
In the last few years, I have been trying to live a more healthy lifestyle, giving up things like soda, white bread and fast food. I didn't plan to lose weight but of course, the weight comes off. And you just never know where the weight is going to come off.
For me, my waist went from 60" to 50" and while my hips lost a few inches, they are still larger than my waist (I have an hourglass frame). So looking for pants in general became an issue because the back of the waistband is always big and I have to wear a belt no matter what. Sooo annoying!
Denim is my go-to pant and I was growing so frustrated with finding a pair that fit. Either the waist and hips were perfect but the calves too tight OR the hips are tight, waist and calves perfect. Let's not even talk length. Sometimes I think retailers assume we are all over 5'9". I usually buy average length but the length is still long and I'm 5'7"!
So when I found out that I was going to be the April featured blogger for Catherines, the first thing I knew I wanted to blog about was denim. I never tried Catherines denim before but I saw that they still carried Right Fit jeans, which I loved back in the day when Lane Bryant and Fashion Bug carried them. I could buy a pair off the rack without trying them on. I cried when they got discontinued. And when Fashion Bug went out of business. But that's another story for another blog post.
I went into that Catherines store with hope and yes! I found 2 pairs of jeans that fit well - dark blue and black. The key here was that I chose jeans with a back elastic waistband (button front) and I opted for a petite length so the jeans would have that cropped look that is on-trend for Spring. So I don't have to wear a belt because they don't gap out in the back AND the length is perfect (ankle length).
I paired the blue jeans with this awesome button-down shirt that has a lobster print! I saw it and instantly thought this is perfect for a nautical day look. I added some navy oxford flats from Gap Outlet and the perfect day look was born. Check out the amazing lobster print below...I love how I can wear the sleeves full length or fold them up (there's a convenient button and tab that will keep them up).
This shirt works in so many ways. You can wear it with navy pants, red shoes and bag. Or you can wear it with white pants and white flats or sandals. I just love it. Navy is great color to pair with lighter or brighter colors. I also opted to roll up my jeans a little as well.
I felt so good in this outfit that I was feeling fearless and having fun while taking pictures. I'm hoping from now on, my love/hate relationship with denim will be filled with more love now since I have found some great fitting jeans. I will be back at Catherines to stock up and I might even get a white pair. I haven't worn white pants in 20 years so that will be a doozy. But it's all about being fearless, right?
Shop my look here:
Check back here next week when I take these same jeans and turn them into a fabulous night look for an evening out with my girls.
P.S. - a few readers asked me what lipstick I am wearing. It's from the Isabel Toledo for MAC collection - shade is Opera. Sold out online but check your nearest MAC store.
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| Wearing my favorite jeans at the Grand Canyon and feeling kick ass - sadly, they don't fit me anymore :-( |
In the last few years, I have been trying to live a more healthy lifestyle, giving up things like soda, white bread and fast food. I didn't plan to lose weight but of course, the weight comes off. And you just never know where the weight is going to come off.
For me, my waist went from 60" to 50" and while my hips lost a few inches, they are still larger than my waist (I have an hourglass frame). So looking for pants in general became an issue because the back of the waistband is always big and I have to wear a belt no matter what. Sooo annoying!
Denim is my go-to pant and I was growing so frustrated with finding a pair that fit. Either the waist and hips were perfect but the calves too tight OR the hips are tight, waist and calves perfect. Let's not even talk length. Sometimes I think retailers assume we are all over 5'9". I usually buy average length but the length is still long and I'm 5'7"!
So when I found out that I was going to be the April featured blogger for Catherines, the first thing I knew I wanted to blog about was denim. I never tried Catherines denim before but I saw that they still carried Right Fit jeans, which I loved back in the day when Lane Bryant and Fashion Bug carried them. I could buy a pair off the rack without trying them on. I cried when they got discontinued. And when Fashion Bug went out of business. But that's another story for another blog post.
I went into that Catherines store with hope and yes! I found 2 pairs of jeans that fit well - dark blue and black. The key here was that I chose jeans with a back elastic waistband (button front) and I opted for a petite length so the jeans would have that cropped look that is on-trend for Spring. So I don't have to wear a belt because they don't gap out in the back AND the length is perfect (ankle length).
I paired the blue jeans with this awesome button-down shirt that has a lobster print! I saw it and instantly thought this is perfect for a nautical day look. I added some navy oxford flats from Gap Outlet and the perfect day look was born. Check out the amazing lobster print below...I love how I can wear the sleeves full length or fold them up (there's a convenient button and tab that will keep them up).
This shirt works in so many ways. You can wear it with navy pants, red shoes and bag. Or you can wear it with white pants and white flats or sandals. I just love it. Navy is great color to pair with lighter or brighter colors. I also opted to roll up my jeans a little as well.
Shop my look here:
- Lobster Print Buttonfront Shirt from Catherines - Available in sizes 0X-5X - click here
- Right Fit Jean (Curvy) from Catherines - Available in sizes 16-34 in average and petite - click here
- Shoes from Gap Outlet - not available online (only in-store)
Check back here next week when I take these same jeans and turn them into a fabulous night look for an evening out with my girls.
P.S. - a few readers asked me what lipstick I am wearing. It's from the Isabel Toledo for MAC collection - shade is Opera. Sold out online but check your nearest MAC store.
Wellness is the compete integration of body, mind, and spirit - the realization that everything we do, think, feel, and believe has an effect on our state of well-being. ~ Greg Anderson
After this long winter (which is still lingering), I am itching to get back to working out regularly. I will admit that I slacked off this winter with working out daily and I can feel it. I miss that adrenaline rush, extra bursts of energy and being less winded, which all happens when I work out.
My current exercise regimen consists of walking, squats (using a chair), light arm weights and the old-fashion aerobic stepper. Sure, I'm a big girl but no matter what your size, you can be active. Honestly, it's as easy as simply moving. Do what works for you. As long as you're moving. Sometimes I walk around the supermarket a few times with the pedometer app on my phone on and before I know it, I've walked 2 miles and shopped for groceries.
But in order for me to truly work out and be about it 100%, I need decent activewear. And it has been tough finding great activewear in my size. I'm a size 26 in bottoms and 26/28 in tops. Sometimes I fit into a 3X in tops but it really depends on the cut and fabric. With activewear, I want it to move well with me, be comfortable and be cute! I don't want to be caught dead outside wearing some unflattering sweats and a huge t-shirt. So not my style.
There are some awesome plus size activewear lines out there now but most of them stop at a size 3X and some of the 3Xs are a small junior fit.
This is why when I saw the activewear at Catherines, I almost broke into a snoopy dance in the middle of the store. Great fabrics, fun colors and a nice assortment of tops, jackets and bottoms. All up to a size 5X! I always support a retailer who shows love for my plus size sisters above a size 3X. So kudos to Catherines!
And finding the perfect activewear outfit at Catherines was fitting since I was in one of my favorite cities... Philadelphia! I always visit the Rocky statue and run up the stairs of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It's something about Rocky that gets me pumped up. And that was needed after this dreary, cold winter.
Here's some pics from my Philly activewear adventure:
Style Tip: If it's a little chilly out, you can add a scarf, which also can double as a pop of color. And a cute baseball cap can also make your active look stylish but keep your head warm. I opted for a neon yellow scarf and basic black cap.
What I also love about this activewear look is that I can wear it to run errands and just hang out, too. Win, win! Which is what I did after the museum...
You can shop my look at the following links:
Smart Stride Top from Catherines - Not available online (I found it in-store). You can buy the matching jacket here.
And you can check out all the activewear at Catherines here.
Now let's get moving! :-)
I don't keep unflattering pictures of myself anywhere. I can't help the ones that others take of me and I don't think too much of that. But the ones I do have control over, I delete and keep it moving. I do that because I feel like seeing unflattering pictures of myself is putting myself through some unnecessary negativity. But I have also learned over the years that taking photos of myself made me such a critical person because I scrutinized over every single photo to the point where none of them were perfect. That critical side of me started to spill over into other aspects of my life and it really affected my spirit in a negative way. Then one day, a lightbulb went off over my head and I had an epiphany.
None of those pictures will ever be perfect because... I am not perfect.
And me being this way is no better than someone who takes pictures and photoshops them to the point where the model doesn't even look real anymore. My search for the perfect image was taking away from me loving myself as I am. We have all been brainwashed by society to think that if we don't look like who we see on the magazine covers or if our bodies are not a certain size, that we are not normal and not beautiful.
Does that piss you off? I know it pissed me off for a long time when I was in my 20s and was channeling my inner Chuck D/Joan Jett persona in college. How dare the world tell me that I am not normal or beautiful because I wasn't a size 2 or had pin-straight hair and perfect skin? But then I realized that fighting the world is not the answer. My anger was not healthy and it was taking my attention away from truly taking care of myself because I wanted to rebel from society. Which meant eating whatever I wanted and doing whatever I wanted.
We can't change the world until we change how we feel about ourselves first. We can't expect for the world to accept us unconditionally if we can't fully love ourselves for who we are right in this moment. Once we change our own mindset and be who we are with no excuses and fear, that alone will inspire others to do the same. It's really simple as that but so hard to actually accomplish because undoing years of brainwashing is not easy.
I personally don't buy into what society says is beautiful anymore. After years of working on me and building my self-love, I now know that happiness does not come in a dress size. Happiness comes from within.
I love myself as I am right now. I loved myself 3 years ago at a size 32. And I love myself today just the same at a size 26. I may have gotten smaller but my love for myself remains the same. Life didn't suddenly get amazing because my dress size got smaller. My life has always been amazing, even the ups and the downs. No one's life is perfect so we all have to roll with the punches. Doesn't mean life isn't good overall.
Change your mindset and you will change your life. I'm telling you.
Everything starts with you and accepting who you are in all of your fabulousness. Like I always say, we all have a choice. When we CHOOSE to not accept what society is telling us on how we should look and what is "perfect" and we CHOOSE to instead begin a love affair with ourselves, that is when your life will change.
You will want to take care of you, whether it's getting healthier, dressing your body better...shoot, even cut your hair! ::points at self:: It may sound selfish but you have to put yourself first. But it is not selfish if you put yourself first for the right reasons. How can you be there for others and take care of others if you're not doing that for yourself?
When you take care of yourself physically, you are healing yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We often seek happiness from others when in reality, all we have to do is look within ourselves for that happiness.
I still chuckle about the fact that I have lost weight and didn't even know it. I just decided to give up soda a year ago (my 1-yr anniversary was yesterday) and started eating healthier. I really just wanted to feel better and get healthier. I haven't weighed myself in over a year. But I do take my measurements from time to time when I am ordering from my favorite retailer eShakti. And that's when I noticed I was getting smaller. Then the comments started rolling in. People would see me at events and etc and be shocked at how great I looked.
To me, I have always looked great but of course, there goes that society brainwashing again where people feel that losing weight is the ultimate compliment...but I digress.
Anyway, the biggest lesson in all of this is that I have learned to not seek validation from others. I couldn't care less if someone noticed my weight loss or not. What counts is that I feel good and I'm happy. I'm doing it for me. Not to prove anything to anyone or to seek approval from society. I'm doing it to honor who I am by hopefully extending my life span and making it easier for this body to explore the world. By being good to myself, making myself stronger and healing myself, I am giving myself the gift of happiness no matter what size I end up to be.
None of those pictures will ever be perfect because... I am not perfect.
And me being this way is no better than someone who takes pictures and photoshops them to the point where the model doesn't even look real anymore. My search for the perfect image was taking away from me loving myself as I am. We have all been brainwashed by society to think that if we don't look like who we see on the magazine covers or if our bodies are not a certain size, that we are not normal and not beautiful.
Does that piss you off? I know it pissed me off for a long time when I was in my 20s and was channeling my inner Chuck D/Joan Jett persona in college. How dare the world tell me that I am not normal or beautiful because I wasn't a size 2 or had pin-straight hair and perfect skin? But then I realized that fighting the world is not the answer. My anger was not healthy and it was taking my attention away from truly taking care of myself because I wanted to rebel from society. Which meant eating whatever I wanted and doing whatever I wanted.
We can't change the world until we change how we feel about ourselves first. We can't expect for the world to accept us unconditionally if we can't fully love ourselves for who we are right in this moment. Once we change our own mindset and be who we are with no excuses and fear, that alone will inspire others to do the same. It's really simple as that but so hard to actually accomplish because undoing years of brainwashing is not easy.
I personally don't buy into what society says is beautiful anymore. After years of working on me and building my self-love, I now know that happiness does not come in a dress size. Happiness comes from within.
I love myself as I am right now. I loved myself 3 years ago at a size 32. And I love myself today just the same at a size 26. I may have gotten smaller but my love for myself remains the same. Life didn't suddenly get amazing because my dress size got smaller. My life has always been amazing, even the ups and the downs. No one's life is perfect so we all have to roll with the punches. Doesn't mean life isn't good overall.
Change your mindset and you will change your life. I'm telling you.
Everything starts with you and accepting who you are in all of your fabulousness. Like I always say, we all have a choice. When we CHOOSE to not accept what society is telling us on how we should look and what is "perfect" and we CHOOSE to instead begin a love affair with ourselves, that is when your life will change.
You will want to take care of you, whether it's getting healthier, dressing your body better...shoot, even cut your hair! ::points at self:: It may sound selfish but you have to put yourself first. But it is not selfish if you put yourself first for the right reasons. How can you be there for others and take care of others if you're not doing that for yourself?
When you take care of yourself physically, you are healing yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We often seek happiness from others when in reality, all we have to do is look within ourselves for that happiness.
I still chuckle about the fact that I have lost weight and didn't even know it. I just decided to give up soda a year ago (my 1-yr anniversary was yesterday) and started eating healthier. I really just wanted to feel better and get healthier. I haven't weighed myself in over a year. But I do take my measurements from time to time when I am ordering from my favorite retailer eShakti. And that's when I noticed I was getting smaller. Then the comments started rolling in. People would see me at events and etc and be shocked at how great I looked.
To me, I have always looked great but of course, there goes that society brainwashing again where people feel that losing weight is the ultimate compliment...but I digress.
Anyway, the biggest lesson in all of this is that I have learned to not seek validation from others. I couldn't care less if someone noticed my weight loss or not. What counts is that I feel good and I'm happy. I'm doing it for me. Not to prove anything to anyone or to seek approval from society. I'm doing it to honor who I am by hopefully extending my life span and making it easier for this body to explore the world. By being good to myself, making myself stronger and healing myself, I am giving myself the gift of happiness no matter what size I end up to be.
I hate the word DIET.
It holds such negativity and bad memories for me. It has been a word that has been a constant thorn in my side for as long as I can remember.
I went on my first diet when I was 10. I weighed 112 pounds and the doctor told my mom that at my age, I SHOULD weigh 90 pounds. I was a chubby kid. I won't lie. But I was cute and I was happy. I thought nothing was wrong with me. I loved books, had a bubbly personality, loved sparkly things, and laughed a lot.
Then I was told I was overweight and needed to lose weight.
Dieting made me unhappy. I didn't realize it then but it changed my life going forward. As a kid, I could not understand why I could not eat cookies or have a slice of pizza. Instead, I was eating tuna, lettuce and tomatoes with no dressing at all. I lost the weight in record time and was "thin" for a little while. But once I got off the diet and went back to regular life, I gained the weight back and then some.
Thus began my life of yo-yo dieting.
It got a point where about 10 years ago, I stopped dieting altogether. I was in the midst of my third time doing Weight Watchers and as I sat there in a meeting, listening to some woman, crying about how unhappy she was to be fat and how she just HAD to get thin, I had to leave. I spent years hearing the women around me say the same things. How they needed to lose weight for this party or that reunion. How they felt so ugly and huge. And I often wondered why I didn't feel that way.
This is going to sound weird but sometimes I forget my size. I don't walk heavy and honestly, I feel light. I walk with a strut, head up high and keep on moving. Then I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a store window or mirror and I am reminded that I am fat. But fat was never a word that bothered me UNTIL others made that word seem so disgusting and ugly.
So I gave up dieting. I wanted to be happy and I needed to take that added pressure off of me to be a certain size or eat a certain thing. I couldn't do it anymore. I have spent my whole life being overweight and dieting on and off. It was this constant yo-yo that became overwhelming. Being fat never stopped me from living life. I traveled the world. I continue to have a successful career. I have great friends. I never had a problem getting a man. I dress nice and have no problem finding nice plus size clothing. I basically lead a normal life.
That's not to say that I escaped the rudeness that fat people have to endure in this world. People can be critical, judgmental jerks. That much is true. Their words and insults hurt me deeply. But I never let it stop me from living life in the best way I could.
Then a year ago, I started having heart palpitations. Now I have always been healthy to a point. I went to the doctor regularly and the only thing I have battled on and off with is my blood pressure. But I've never had diabetes, cholesterol problems or anything serious like that. So of course, I went to the doctor.
As I blogged last year, I was diagnosed with extremely high blood pressure and it was affecting my heart. The doctor was shocked that I was still walking around because basically, I was a walking time-bomb.
This scared me "healthy". I gave up soda (my 1-yr "anniversary" will be Dec 27th), started eating more vegetables, gave up fried foods and gave up fast food for the most part. I occasionally have a burger or indulge in some Taco Bell once in a while but I am afraid to even look at a Big Mac or step foot into a Five Guys. I read labels now and that keeps my fear going. I talk a lot about being fearless but in this case, I welcome the fear because it keeps me on the right path to be being healthy. It motivates me to keep walking and being active. It keeps my shopping cart empty of bottles of Pepsi and Devil Dogs.
A year and a half later, I feel great. I always thought I had a weak stomach and that's why I was always sick. I now know it was because I was eating the wrong things plus drinking soda. My blood pressure is normal and has been for almost a year now. And added bonus...I'm down 3 sizes. Ironically, I'm still fat. But now I am fat and healthy.
What does that say to those naysayers like Maria Kang aka The Fit Mom who say you can tell someone's health by looking at them and that people who are not physically fit should not love themselves? I wrote a piece about Maria Kang on the PLUS Model Magazine blog and I have to say, it's hard to be objective when it comes to people like that because she reminds me of all the people in my life who have criticized me on my size and didn't take into account that I am a human being.
I believe that loving yourself is the foundation of everything. Self-love makes you want to be the best person you can be, which includes taking care of your body and being healthy. Instead of criticizing women for loving themselves and being proud of the body they are in NOW, she should be talking about low self-esteem issues with young girls, how negatively women are portrayed in the media, yo-yo dieting issues and eating disorders. Let's tackle the real issues here and not attack those women who are one step closer to living a healthy life because they have achieved the hardest step, which is loving and accepting yourself for who you are.
Who you are today does not guaranteed who you will be tomorrow. Loving yourself means wanting to be better. So evolving and growing in life is a natural step in that journey. I love where I am today and I am excited for who I will be tomorrow. And that's what counts. For now, I am fat and healthy and I embrace that.
It holds such negativity and bad memories for me. It has been a word that has been a constant thorn in my side for as long as I can remember.
I went on my first diet when I was 10. I weighed 112 pounds and the doctor told my mom that at my age, I SHOULD weigh 90 pounds. I was a chubby kid. I won't lie. But I was cute and I was happy. I thought nothing was wrong with me. I loved books, had a bubbly personality, loved sparkly things, and laughed a lot.
Then I was told I was overweight and needed to lose weight.
Dieting made me unhappy. I didn't realize it then but it changed my life going forward. As a kid, I could not understand why I could not eat cookies or have a slice of pizza. Instead, I was eating tuna, lettuce and tomatoes with no dressing at all. I lost the weight in record time and was "thin" for a little while. But once I got off the diet and went back to regular life, I gained the weight back and then some.
Thus began my life of yo-yo dieting.
It got a point where about 10 years ago, I stopped dieting altogether. I was in the midst of my third time doing Weight Watchers and as I sat there in a meeting, listening to some woman, crying about how unhappy she was to be fat and how she just HAD to get thin, I had to leave. I spent years hearing the women around me say the same things. How they needed to lose weight for this party or that reunion. How they felt so ugly and huge. And I often wondered why I didn't feel that way.
This is going to sound weird but sometimes I forget my size. I don't walk heavy and honestly, I feel light. I walk with a strut, head up high and keep on moving. Then I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a store window or mirror and I am reminded that I am fat. But fat was never a word that bothered me UNTIL others made that word seem so disgusting and ugly.
So I gave up dieting. I wanted to be happy and I needed to take that added pressure off of me to be a certain size or eat a certain thing. I couldn't do it anymore. I have spent my whole life being overweight and dieting on and off. It was this constant yo-yo that became overwhelming. Being fat never stopped me from living life. I traveled the world. I continue to have a successful career. I have great friends. I never had a problem getting a man. I dress nice and have no problem finding nice plus size clothing. I basically lead a normal life.
That's not to say that I escaped the rudeness that fat people have to endure in this world. People can be critical, judgmental jerks. That much is true. Their words and insults hurt me deeply. But I never let it stop me from living life in the best way I could.
Then a year ago, I started having heart palpitations. Now I have always been healthy to a point. I went to the doctor regularly and the only thing I have battled on and off with is my blood pressure. But I've never had diabetes, cholesterol problems or anything serious like that. So of course, I went to the doctor.
As I blogged last year, I was diagnosed with extremely high blood pressure and it was affecting my heart. The doctor was shocked that I was still walking around because basically, I was a walking time-bomb.
This scared me "healthy". I gave up soda (my 1-yr "anniversary" will be Dec 27th), started eating more vegetables, gave up fried foods and gave up fast food for the most part. I occasionally have a burger or indulge in some Taco Bell once in a while but I am afraid to even look at a Big Mac or step foot into a Five Guys. I read labels now and that keeps my fear going. I talk a lot about being fearless but in this case, I welcome the fear because it keeps me on the right path to be being healthy. It motivates me to keep walking and being active. It keeps my shopping cart empty of bottles of Pepsi and Devil Dogs.
A year and a half later, I feel great. I always thought I had a weak stomach and that's why I was always sick. I now know it was because I was eating the wrong things plus drinking soda. My blood pressure is normal and has been for almost a year now. And added bonus...I'm down 3 sizes. Ironically, I'm still fat. But now I am fat and healthy.
What does that say to those naysayers like Maria Kang aka The Fit Mom who say you can tell someone's health by looking at them and that people who are not physically fit should not love themselves? I wrote a piece about Maria Kang on the PLUS Model Magazine blog and I have to say, it's hard to be objective when it comes to people like that because she reminds me of all the people in my life who have criticized me on my size and didn't take into account that I am a human being.
I believe that loving yourself is the foundation of everything. Self-love makes you want to be the best person you can be, which includes taking care of your body and being healthy. Instead of criticizing women for loving themselves and being proud of the body they are in NOW, she should be talking about low self-esteem issues with young girls, how negatively women are portrayed in the media, yo-yo dieting issues and eating disorders. Let's tackle the real issues here and not attack those women who are one step closer to living a healthy life because they have achieved the hardest step, which is loving and accepting yourself for who you are.
Who you are today does not guaranteed who you will be tomorrow. Loving yourself means wanting to be better. So evolving and growing in life is a natural step in that journey. I love where I am today and I am excited for who I will be tomorrow. And that's what counts. For now, I am fat and healthy and I embrace that.
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| Dress: Igigi (it's fabulous and my fave at the moment!) |
So the last week has been insane and I have not been blogging as I would like to. But I did want to post an update to my last post regarding my health scare. I noticed it was the most read post ever on this blog, which makes me happy because it is so important for us to share our stories and educate others in the process. Going to the doctor for preventive reasons is so important. We have to keep up with how our bodies are doing no matter how scared we are of knowing the unknown. You might just save yourself a major disease or ailment by finding out early on thru preventive doctor visits.
As for me, after 5 days of no Motrin, caffeine, alcohol and meds, my blood pressure has gone down dramatically. I didn't post it before but when I went to the doctor the first time, my blood pressure was 259/126. He was surprised I had not had a stroke yet. **gasps** It is now down to 189/93. So I am getting there. Doctor gave me another pill to accompany the one I am already taking and he gave me the green light to some activity. But I still have to remain calm and not stress out too much. And I also found out I am anemic. I had no idea.
I'm feeling good, though! The heart palpitations are gone. I'm still going to the cardiologist next week to get an echo and make sure that any damage to my heart murmur is not bad. I have my fingers crossed. But I have also made the promise to myself to never let myself get to this point ever again. I love myself way too much to kill myself unintentionally by not taking care of myself.
So with that said, happy Friday! Hug yourself today and do something that makes you smile. The weekend is upon us! :)
As for me, after 5 days of no Motrin, caffeine, alcohol and meds, my blood pressure has gone down dramatically. I didn't post it before but when I went to the doctor the first time, my blood pressure was 259/126. He was surprised I had not had a stroke yet. **gasps** It is now down to 189/93. So I am getting there. Doctor gave me another pill to accompany the one I am already taking and he gave me the green light to some activity. But I still have to remain calm and not stress out too much. And I also found out I am anemic. I had no idea.
I'm feeling good, though! The heart palpitations are gone. I'm still going to the cardiologist next week to get an echo and make sure that any damage to my heart murmur is not bad. I have my fingers crossed. But I have also made the promise to myself to never let myself get to this point ever again. I love myself way too much to kill myself unintentionally by not taking care of myself.
So with that said, happy Friday! Hug yourself today and do something that makes you smile. The weekend is upon us! :)
Sunday was always a day where I gave thanks. But that stopped when my dad died. On a Sunday. I started counting the Sundays that came after the day of his death, Sunday, April 10, 2011. But today I woke up feeling renewed and for the first time, I didn't count this Sunday, I gave thanks. It's a great feeling.
This past week has been crazy but life-changing. And what I am about to write about is hard because there are some things that a person does not want to talk about publicly because of fear of backlash and negative feedback. But I believe now that it is my responsibility to share regardless. I mean, the title of this blog is Fearlessly Just Me, lol. Christine Arylo said it best in her book Choosing Me before We:
If we are lucky enough to to wake up to the immense power we have to create our lives, we have a responsibility to share our stories and insights with others. Otherwise, the true power of our realizations is lost. Sharing allows us to see ourselves in the words of others, gain witnesses to our personal journey, and broaden the possibilities that lie before us. Through sharing, we as women can provide the emotional inspiration that others can use to eliminate the "shoulds", the "musts", and the "cannots" that bar their way to creating the kind of lives and relationships, they truly desire. (pg xii, Prologue)
So here goes...I haven't had health insurance for about 2 years. When I needed medical treatment, I just went to the local clinic and paid a fee. But that was only when needed - emergencies. But I have not had a physical in 2 years. I know that sounds horrible but it is actually the norm in America. So many of us don't have health insurance. The ones hardest hit are those, who like me, were laid off and go on unemployment and are single with no dependents. We have the option to sign up for COBRA but it's so expensive that many of us can't. But on the other side of the spectrum, we "earn" too much via unemployment to be eligible for Medicaid. So we go without health insurance and just make due with local clinics and (in some cities), hospitals who offer low-cost health care. When I voiced my disgruntlement over this, I was told by quite a few city and state employees in the "system" that I was better off getting pregnant because then I would hit the jackpot in terms of benefits available to me. It's sad when the system promotes having kids as a way to get benefits. But I digress...
In the past two years, being as clumsy and accident-prone as I am, I have had a few mishaps, which led me to the doctor. There was that time I tripped, while holding a file folder and that file folder ended up flying back and jabbing me in the eye. I ended up with a cornea abrasion. Ouch. There was that other time I accidentally slammed my left index finger in a car door and ended up losing a nail, which thankfully grew back in 6 months. I could go on. But I never took the time to go to the doctor, just because. And I think many of us are guilty of that. We only go when we need to or when we are forced to. By then, sometimes it's too late. We can prevent so many illnesses and medical conditions if we go to the doctor regularly and not just when we need to.
I finally qualified for medicaid in last month because my unemployment benefits ran out and now I am freelancing (writing, tutoring kids, and other projects). I was still hesitant to go to the doctor until...one night, I started having heart palpitations. And frankly, it scared the shit out of me. My dad died from congestive heart failure and I was born with a heart murmur. Not to mention the fact that I am overweight. So I made an appointment the next morning and went in this past week.
Now, for being an overweight person, I am active and feel good. I have been healthy for most of my life aside from some allergies, mild asthma and my heart murmur. No diabetes or anything like that. So I was not prepared when the doctor looked at me with the most concerned face I have ever seen on someone and told me that I had VERY high blood pressure, which was causing the heart palpitations. It was affecting my heart murmur. Huh? How can this be? I eat healthy and I take care of myself.
Well, I found out some interesting things. First, I needed to stop taking Motrin, which has been my over the counter drug of choice for YEARS, because it elevates blood pressure. I had no idea. I take Motrin all the time. Second, I need to stop drinking alcohol. Alcohol elevates your blood pressure. I'm a social drinker so I don't drink all the time. But I love a beer or glass of wine here and there and have at least 1-2 beers or 2 glasses of wine every other day. Third, my anxiety and stress levels are affecting my blood pressure. Lastly, no more caffeine...no coffee, no soda, reg or diet (which is a habit I have been working on kicking for the last 2 months and am getting there).
So doctor orders: No more motrin (Tylenol instead), no alcohol, no caffeine and I have to learn to calm myself and not stress out. Lastly, he ordered me not to exercise or do anything that will cause my heart to race until I get my blood pressure down. He told me that if I get chest pain or shortness of breath, to call 911. Now if a doctor tells an overweight person NOT to exercise, that's serious. And then to tell me to call 911 if those things he said happen, well, I just about fainted. I left the office and honestly, stood at the bus stop, called my best friend Herman and cried. I love to power walk and dance and play Just Dance or the The MJ Experience on the Wii. I can't do any of those things right now.
It was truly a wake-up call. I'm now on meds for my blood pressure. But it was a blessing that I am thankful for. Had I not gone to the doctor, I could have died. I realized that I could not go on the way that I have been going. I'm not a calm person by any means, lol. I'm always on the go and just don't have the patience to deal with foolery. I can be high-strung and I know it's my anxiety. So now I have to constantly talk to myself and tell myself to not rush and calm down. I practice breathing techniques and am making a conscious effort to relax. I used to laugh at my friend who meditates and acts like he's the Dalai Lama but seriously, he's onto something.
Now I know some of you will say that, of course, I have high blood pressure. I am overweight and that's the cause. But that is not the only thing that can cause it. And overweight people aren't the only ones who have high blood pressure. Everyone can have this issue. And that's why I felt I had to write about this and put my business out there. I wanted to shed light on the importance of going to the doctor and also knowing what you put in your body, whether it's meds or food. Always research everything. Look at labels on foods. Google any meds you take, even over the counter ones. Know what you are putting into your body, no matter what your size. I personally am going to start fully adapting the DASH diet into my lifestyle. I eat healthy now but I have to take it a step up.
So with that said, I realized that if I truly love myself, I will take care of myself fully. It's not just about being able to look in the mirror and say I LOVE YOU. It's about loving yourself enough to go to the doctor regularly and take care of yourself. It's about loving yourself enough to do things for yourself that will benefit your body, even if you don't like it. I will miss Motrin (I dread when that time of the month comes because I am going to suffer) and I will miss my Blue Moon and sparkling wine. I cannot express how much I miss coffee. I already miss dancing in my living room or power walking in the beautiful sun while listening to Prince. But these are the sacrifices I am willing to make because I love myself. And these are only temporary. Once this pressure gets back to normal, I am going to dance my ass off. And I will be able to have a beer once in a while. I look forward to that day.
P.S. - I have been taking my new meds for 5 days and have not had any Motrin, alcohol, caffeine or over-exerted myself. I have not had heart palpitations for the last 3 days. I'm snoopy dancing on the inside! I go back to the doctor tomorrow. Wish me luck that my pressure has gone down! Even a little will be awesome!
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